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Anon can't pull back | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)12:27:25 No.68487232 >have phimosis >never bother doing anything about it because i think i'm doomed to be a virgin forever >get gf and start having sex >she gets on birth control and now wants unprotected 136 KB JPG what do? : Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)12:28:19 No.68487238 >>68487232 (OP) # Seek treatment or get it cut. 118 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)12:27:25 No.68487232 >have phimosis >never bother doing anything about it because i think i'm doomed to be a virgin forever >get gf and start having sex >she gets on birth control and now wants unprotected 136 KB JPG what do? : Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)12:28:19 No.68487238 >>68487232 (OP) # Seek treatment or get it cut. 118 KB PNG

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Anon averts a crisis | /r/Greentext

>17th bday >the bois got tired of me being a virgin >they gave a slut at our school 500 USD to f--- me 575 KB JPG >they locked us in a room together >i give her a hug and tell her "Your better than this" >she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity
>17th bday >the bois got tired of me being a virgin >they gave a slut at our school 500 USD to f--- me 575 KB JPG >they locked us in a room together >i give her a hug and tell her "Your better than this" >she cries and gives me a peck in the cheek Crisis avoided and kept my virginity

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Anon calls the bank | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: WWMRWOHB 05/04/22(Wed)10:33:38 No.15121078 >call bank to change phone number >20min hold >they need my old phone number >dont have it on me so go ask mum >"no sir we need it from you, please call again once you have it" >currently on hold again >phone plan costs $0.12/min for calls 50 KB JPG calls >they have cost me ~$5
: Anonymous (ID: WWMRWOHB 05/04/22(Wed)10:33:38 No.15121078 >call bank to change phone number >20min hold >they need my old phone number >dont have it on me so go ask mum >"no sir we need it from you, please call again once you have it" >currently on hold again >phone plan costs $0.12/min for calls 50 KB JPG calls >they have cost me ~$5

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Anon hates Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:24:41 No.159020639 >no personality >no charisma >no good looks >no skills >doesn't improve >doesn't grow as a person >revolves around being the "chosen one" 250 KB JPG II >is constatly jobbed and bossed around and he happily obliges harry is the lamest protag ever conceived : Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:26:32 No.159020681 >becomes a cop Sounds about right
: Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:24:41 No.159020639 >no personality >no charisma >no good looks >no skills >doesn't improve >doesn't grow as a person >revolves around being the "chosen one" 250 KB JPG II >is constatly jobbed and bossed around and he happily obliges harry is the lamest protag ever conceived : Anonymous 11/11/21(Thu)17:26:32 No.159020681 >becomes a cop Sounds about right

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Anon had a dream | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:01:45 No.82162035 I had a dream where I straight up pushed a guy off the roof of a building on impulse and then quickly ran inside. It took a couple seconds of autopiloting before I realized that I just murdered someone and then started freaking out. I joined the crowd of people at the base of the building and they were all crying because they "had no idea he was suicidal", and my heart just kept thumping out of my chest. It 133 KB JPG felt so f------ real, what does it mean? : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:06:04 No.82162059 moe 19 KB JPG 2>821620909 : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:11:55 No.82162090 >>821620598 # Moe what? That was basically it, I woke up not too long after >>821621066 # : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:15:22 No.82162106 >>821620909 # moe 19 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:20:25 No.821621309 Please guys I am just looking for your opinions, not moe
| Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:01:45 No.82162035 I had a dream where I straight up pushed a guy off the roof of a building on impulse and then quickly ran inside. It took a couple seconds of autopiloting before I realized that I just murdered someone and then started freaking out. I joined the crowd of people at the base of the building and they were all crying because they "had no idea he was suicidal", and my heart just kept thumping out of my chest. It 133 KB JPG felt so f------ real, what does it mean? : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:06:04 No.82162059 moe 19 KB JPG 2>821620909 : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:11:55 No.82162090 >>821620598 # Moe what? That was basically it, I woke up not too long after >>821621066 # : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:15:22 No.82162106 >>821620909 # moe 19 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/20(Thu)13:20:25 No.821621309 Please guys I am just looking for your opinions, not moe

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Anon isn't lying and needs help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)14:18:55 No.877491888 Ok I actually need your help anons. > be me > 19, virgin > working hard, college >I dont want relationship > in club > random girl started throwing herself 8 KB PNG at me > we kissed > I wrote her day later > she is f------ obsessed with me > she literally told me "I would give you my life" and "I knew on the first sight that you are the One" > l invited her to come over at friday > mfw I just want to f--- her > mfw I am really nervous that she gonna kill me she is f------ doomer girl or something like that Help me anons, what should I do? Its not larping or fake I actually need your help for this time
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)14:18:55 No.877491888 Ok I actually need your help anons. > be me > 19, virgin > working hard, college >I dont want relationship > in club > random girl started throwing herself 8 KB PNG at me > we kissed > I wrote her day later > she is f------ obsessed with me > she literally told me "I would give you my life" and "I knew on the first sight that you are the One" > l invited her to come over at friday > mfw I just want to f--- her > mfw I am really nervous that she gonna kill me she is f------ doomer girl or something like that Help me anons, what should I do? Its not larping or fake I actually need your help for this time

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Anon is addicted to Tinder | /r/Greentext

not sure if fph related but here we go >tinder addict >only get dates from this god forsaken app >have this routine where I always set up the date at the same 82 KB JPG location >a giant park in the middle of the city >allows me to scope out the area before actually meeting the girl >there's a caffee overlooking the park with a balcony >always sit up there to check out the girl before meeting her >when I match with fatties I do the same thing >but I dont actually leave the caffee just watch them >"im here, where are you" >give vague descriptions like "oh im at the tree" >this park is filled with them btw >watch them waddle about from the balcony >im a regular here so the waitress knows my shtick >often asks if im "walking the girls again?" >chuckle as i see their pride from getting a date with a somewhat fit guy turn to panic, shame and eventually anger >joke around with the waitress as she tries to figure out which girl im walking around this time not sure if im an a------ for finding enjoyment in doing this, but f--- is it fun
not sure if fph related but here we go >tinder addict >only get dates from this god forsaken app >have this routine where I always set up the date at the same 82 KB JPG location >a giant park in the middle of the city >allows me to scope out the area before actually meeting the girl >there's a caffee overlooking the park with a balcony >always sit up there to check out the girl before meeting her >when I match with fatties I do the same thing >but I dont actually leave the caffee just watch them >"im here, where are you" >give vague descriptions like "oh im at the tree" >this park is filled with them btw >watch them waddle about from the balcony >im a regular here so the waitress knows my shtick >often asks if im "walking the girls again?" >chuckle as i see their pride from getting a date with a somewhat fit guy turn to panic, shame and eventually anger >joke around with the waitress as she tries to figure out which girl im walking around this time not sure if im an a------ for finding enjoyment in doing this, but f--- is it fun

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anon discovered something | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)18:58:09 No.877499651 >Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes >Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks. >No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever. 66 KB JPG Are Americans just retarded?
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)18:58:09 No.877499651 >Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes >Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks. >No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever. 66 KB JPG Are Americans just retarded?

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Racist Anon has an opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 8SNFQ0AW )[I 05/04/22(Wed)11:11:01 No.15121195 N------ are revered as Gods in the United States. Americans fear the N----- as a mortals would fear God. Americans are not allowed to speak ill of N------, similar to how you must not blaspheme God or take his name in vain. Americans devote entire 121 KB JPG institutions in academia and media to remind themselves of their sins against N------ and beg for mercy, similar to how you would beg God for forgiveness of your sins. The only landmarks and monuments they are allowed to revere are parks, schools, and statues dedicated to famous N------, immortalized like marble Gods. While their ancestors expressed devotion to God through the offerings of food and drink, present day Americans created food stamps for N------ for this very purpose. Jesus gets two annual days of reverence, while N------ get an entire month plus MLK day and Juneteenth. Americans prostrate themselves in the street to appease N------ much like a priest would prostrate himself before God. N----- worship is the official religion of America.
: Anonymous (ID: 8SNFQ0AW )[I 05/04/22(Wed)11:11:01 No.15121195 N------ are revered as Gods in the United States. Americans fear the N----- as a mortals would fear God. Americans are not allowed to speak ill of N------, similar to how you must not blaspheme God or take his name in vain. Americans devote entire 121 KB JPG institutions in academia and media to remind themselves of their sins against N------ and beg for mercy, similar to how you would beg God for forgiveness of your sins. The only landmarks and monuments they are allowed to revere are parks, schools, and statues dedicated to famous N------, immortalized like marble Gods. While their ancestors expressed devotion to God through the offerings of food and drink, present day Americans created food stamps for N------ for this very purpose. Jesus gets two annual days of reverence, while N------ get an entire month plus MLK day and Juneteenth. Americans prostrate themselves in the street to appease N------ much like a priest would prostrate himself before God. N----- worship is the official religion of America.

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Anon cooms | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:21:24 No.877478269 [Reply] >877479176 >>877480405 >be me >want to fap >text gf to send me nudes as fap material >she sends a video saying how much she loves me and appreciates me while getting nude >her words pierce my coomer brain >boner fades >horniness subsides >realize that she's more than fap material to me >still fap while crying tears are a good lubricant + 4 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:38:34 No.877479176 >>877478269 (OP) post vid?
Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:21:24 No.877478269 [Reply] >877479176 >>877480405 >be me >want to fap >text gf to send me nudes as fap material >she sends a video saying how much she loves me and appreciates me while getting nude >her words pierce my coomer brain >boner fades >horniness subsides >realize that she's more than fap material to me >still fap while crying tears are a good lubricant + 4 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:38:34 No.877479176 >>877478269 (OP) post vid?

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Anon’s dad gets drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Does your father get this drun(...) 12/19/18(Wed)18:52:07 No.49932705 > be me > yesterday > my sister telling me a story about when my dad got completely wasted > ohboyherewego.wav > she tells me he was talking to some of her friends 12 KB JPG > spots the english one, im a portuguese betafag > he turns to him > "would you f--- my daughter" > guy literally freezes > my sister's boyfriend was there, freezes too > "no..." %3D > "hah, you are gay then" > leaves I will never introduce my friends to my dad
: Anonymous Does your father get this drun(...) 12/19/18(Wed)18:52:07 No.49932705 > be me > yesterday > my sister telling me a story about when my dad got completely wasted > ohboyherewego.wav > she tells me he was talking to some of her friends 12 KB JPG > spots the english one, im a portuguese betafag > he turns to him > "would you f--- my daughter" > guy literally freezes > my sister's boyfriend was there, freezes too > "no..." %3D > "hah, you are gay then" > leaves I will never introduce my friends to my dad

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anon exploits the system | /r/Greentext


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Missed the chance to live rent free | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:01:02 No.154238346 >Peter, you're 5 minutes late to our date. I'm gonna go f--- some dudes now while you think about your behavior Name a worse capeshit love interest. 127 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:27:24 No.154238914 >>154238346 (OP)_# >landlord was literally trying to set peter up with his daughter >still simps for mary jane he deserves whatever bad things happened desu 59 KB JPG >>154238974 # >>154239096 # >>154239254 # >>154239631 # >>154240264 # >>154241451 # >>154241657 # >>154241866 # >>154243008 # >>154243882 # >>154250514 # >>154251754 #
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:01:02 No.154238346 >Peter, you're 5 minutes late to our date. I'm gonna go f--- some dudes now while you think about your behavior Name a worse capeshit love interest. 127 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:27:24 No.154238914 >>154238346 (OP)_# >landlord was literally trying to set peter up with his daughter >still simps for mary jane he deserves whatever bad things happened desu 59 KB JPG >>154238974 # >>154239096 # >>154239254 # >>154239631 # >>154240264 # >>154241451 # >>154241657 # >>154241866 # >>154243008 # >>154243882 # >>154250514 # >>154251754 #

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Bamboozled | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: kPkSv/99) 07/07/12(Sat)13:00:06 N >be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys >pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >arrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me
Anonymous (ID: kPkSv/99) 07/07/12(Sat)13:00:06 N >be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys >pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >arrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me

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Anon Gets Hot and Steamy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)20:47:55 No.66622777 9A897925-5D82-4DEE-9A34-DC64CD35C15E.png 60 KB PNG >be me >finish workout >feel tired >go to sauna >get out >nice and refreshed Thank you sauna
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)20:47:55 No.66622777 9A897925-5D82-4DEE-9A34-DC64CD35C15E.png 60 KB PNG >be me >finish workout >feel tired >go to sauna >get out >nice and refreshed Thank you sauna

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Anon has finally made it. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 leri •.. why haven't you r---- and killed her yet?
Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 leri •.. why haven't you r---- and killed her yet?

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Anon is outraged | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:36:55 No.153753695 1626497257478.jpg 217 KB JPG >wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the cinema : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:46:21 No.153754047 you turned 360 degrees you'd still be facing the cinema.
: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:36:55 No.153753695 1626497257478.jpg 217 KB JPG >wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the cinema : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:46:21 No.153754047 you turned 360 degrees you'd still be facing the cinema.

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Anon dislikes reddit awards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD)E 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #
: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD)E 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel 215 KB GIF >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds
: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel 215 KB GIF >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds

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Anon watch a movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" 374 KB JPG >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw
: Anonymous 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" 374 KB JPG >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw

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