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anon discovered something | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)18:58:09 No.877499651 >Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes >Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks. >No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever. 66 KB JPG Are Americans just retarded?
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)18:58:09 No.877499651 >Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes >Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks. >No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever. 66 KB JPG Are Americans just retarded?

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Racist Anon has an opinion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 8SNFQ0AW )[I 05/04/22(Wed)11:11:01 No.15121195 N------ are revered as Gods in the United States. Americans fear the N----- as a mortals would fear God. Americans are not allowed to speak ill of N------, similar to how you must not blaspheme God or take his name in vain. Americans devote entire 121 KB JPG institutions in academia and media to remind themselves of their sins against N------ and beg for mercy, similar to how you would beg God for forgiveness of your sins. The only landmarks and monuments they are allowed to revere are parks, schools, and statues dedicated to famous N------, immortalized like marble Gods. While their ancestors expressed devotion to God through the offerings of food and drink, present day Americans created food stamps for N------ for this very purpose. Jesus gets two annual days of reverence, while N------ get an entire month plus MLK day and Juneteenth. Americans prostrate themselves in the street to appease N------ much like a priest would prostrate himself before God. N----- worship is the official religion of America.
: Anonymous (ID: 8SNFQ0AW )[I 05/04/22(Wed)11:11:01 No.15121195 N------ are revered as Gods in the United States. Americans fear the N----- as a mortals would fear God. Americans are not allowed to speak ill of N------, similar to how you must not blaspheme God or take his name in vain. Americans devote entire 121 KB JPG institutions in academia and media to remind themselves of their sins against N------ and beg for mercy, similar to how you would beg God for forgiveness of your sins. The only landmarks and monuments they are allowed to revere are parks, schools, and statues dedicated to famous N------, immortalized like marble Gods. While their ancestors expressed devotion to God through the offerings of food and drink, present day Americans created food stamps for N------ for this very purpose. Jesus gets two annual days of reverence, while N------ get an entire month plus MLK day and Juneteenth. Americans prostrate themselves in the street to appease N------ much like a priest would prostrate himself before God. N----- worship is the official religion of America.

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Anon cooms | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:21:24 No.877478269 [Reply] >877479176 >>877480405 >be me >want to fap >text gf to send me nudes as fap material >she sends a video saying how much she loves me and appreciates me while getting nude >her words pierce my coomer brain >boner fades >horniness subsides >realize that she's more than fap material to me >still fap while crying tears are a good lubricant + 4 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:38:34 No.877479176 >>877478269 (OP) post vid?
Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:21:24 No.877478269 [Reply] >877479176 >>877480405 >be me >want to fap >text gf to send me nudes as fap material >she sends a video saying how much she loves me and appreciates me while getting nude >her words pierce my coomer brain >boner fades >horniness subsides >realize that she's more than fap material to me >still fap while crying tears are a good lubricant + 4 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. O Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)23:38:34 No.877479176 >>877478269 (OP) post vid?

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Anon’s dad gets drunk | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Does your father get this drun(...) 12/19/18(Wed)18:52:07 No.49932705 > be me > yesterday > my sister telling me a story about when my dad got completely wasted > ohboyherewego.wav > she tells me he was talking to some of her friends 12 KB JPG > spots the english one, im a portuguese betafag > he turns to him > "would you f--- my daughter" > guy literally freezes > my sister's boyfriend was there, freezes too > "no..." %3D > "hah, you are gay then" > leaves I will never introduce my friends to my dad
: Anonymous Does your father get this drun(...) 12/19/18(Wed)18:52:07 No.49932705 > be me > yesterday > my sister telling me a story about when my dad got completely wasted > ohboyherewego.wav > she tells me he was talking to some of her friends 12 KB JPG > spots the english one, im a portuguese betafag > he turns to him > "would you f--- my daughter" > guy literally freezes > my sister's boyfriend was there, freezes too > "no..." %3D > "hah, you are gay then" > leaves I will never introduce my friends to my dad

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anon exploits the system | /r/Greentext


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Missed the chance to live rent free | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:01:02 No.154238346 >Peter, you're 5 minutes late to our date. I'm gonna go f--- some dudes now while you think about your behavior Name a worse capeshit love interest. 127 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:27:24 No.154238914 >>154238346 (OP)_# >landlord was literally trying to set peter up with his daughter >still simps for mary jane he deserves whatever bad things happened desu 59 KB JPG >>154238974 # >>154239096 # >>154239254 # >>154239631 # >>154240264 # >>154241451 # >>154241657 # >>154241866 # >>154243008 # >>154243882 # >>154250514 # >>154251754 #
: Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:01:02 No.154238346 >Peter, you're 5 minutes late to our date. I'm gonna go f--- some dudes now while you think about your behavior Name a worse capeshit love interest. 127 KB JPG : Anonymous 07/29/21(Thu)12:27:24 No.154238914 >>154238346 (OP)_# >landlord was literally trying to set peter up with his daughter >still simps for mary jane he deserves whatever bad things happened desu 59 KB JPG >>154238974 # >>154239096 # >>154239254 # >>154239631 # >>154240264 # >>154241451 # >>154241657 # >>154241866 # >>154243008 # >>154243882 # >>154250514 # >>154251754 #

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Bamboozled | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: kPkSv/99) 07/07/12(Sat)13:00:06 N >be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys >pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >arrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me
Anonymous (ID: kPkSv/99) 07/07/12(Sat)13:00:06 N >be 14 year old boy >chat with girl of my age >tells me she's into older guys >pretend I'm 19 >sext with her >arrange meeting >go to her house >it's chris hanson >crew goes to jail for sexting with me

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Anon Gets Hot and Steamy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)20:47:55 No.66622777 9A897925-5D82-4DEE-9A34-DC64CD35C15E.png 60 KB PNG >be me >finish workout >feel tired >go to sauna >get out >nice and refreshed Thank you sauna
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)20:47:55 No.66622777 9A897925-5D82-4DEE-9A34-DC64CD35C15E.png 60 KB PNG >be me >finish workout >feel tired >go to sauna >get out >nice and refreshed Thank you sauna

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Anon has finally made it. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 leri •.. why haven't you r---- and killed her yet?
Anonymous | 52353826 leri >have cute cardiobunny neighbour >she asks me if we can go running together >women running outside have been r---- and killed in our city, so she wants to take me with her for protection >we have been doing this once a week for a year, getting take out food afterwards 1,5 MB JPG Have I made it, /fit/? 34 REPLIES 63 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 52353835 leri •.. why haven't you r---- and killed her yet?

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Anon is outraged | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:36:55 No.153753695 1626497257478.jpg 217 KB JPG >wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the cinema : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:46:21 No.153754047 you turned 360 degrees you'd still be facing the cinema.
: Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:36:55 No.153753695 1626497257478.jpg 217 KB JPG >wow you're so much bigger than my exes Literally turned 360 degrees and walked right out of the cinema : Anonymous 07/17/21(Sat)18:46:21 No.153754047 you turned 360 degrees you'd still be facing the cinema.

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Anon dislikes reddit awards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD)E 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #
: Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD)E 01/09/21(Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a goodthink 8 KB PNG >>301406177 #

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Anon gets trolled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel 215 KB GIF >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds
: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)02:32:46 No.67290413 >at gfs house >casually binging youtube while she takes a shower >she asks me to give her a new bath towel >open the door to give her the towel 215 KB GIF >shes not there >the shower isnt even on >take a moment to process >im in someone's house >last time I talked to anyone was 10 yrs ago >never had a GF (29) >the walls are turning to white >a straight jacket is wrapped around me >im a the psych ward >mfw I trolled myself again by taking the meds

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Anon watch a movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" 374 KB JPG >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw
: Anonymous 07/19/18(Thu)20:28:45 No.774817298 >be me >friend torrents black panther, we're about to watch it >me: "so is this actually good or just overhyped" >him: "apparently actually good, haven't watched it" 374 KB JPG >me: "i bet there's basketball, rap, and slavery references within the first 2 minutes" >him: "pfbpfptf i don't think they'd go that far man" >me: "no seriously i bet there is." >him: *awkward silence and a weird look* >we start the movie >1 minute of scifi backstory, includes a reference to slavery >followed by basketball and rap >mfw

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Anon struggles with his sexuality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)09:59:24 No.844740211 >masturbating in bedroom >about to c-- >dad comes running in naked screaming >'and here comes dad from left field!!" 83 KB JPG >he does a running jump >lands a------ first on my d--- >penetration.png >c-- >mfw he laughs and calls me a f----- for cuming in another guy EVERY F------ TIME
: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)09:59:24 No.844740211 >masturbating in bedroom >about to c-- >dad comes running in naked screaming >'and here comes dad from left field!!" 83 KB JPG >he does a running jump >lands a------ first on my d--- >penetration.png >c-- >mfw he laughs and calls me a f----- for cuming in another guy EVERY F------ TIME

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Anon thinking of some guy working potato chip factory | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)20:24:17 No.875886350 The thought of some guy making an honest living working at a potato chip factory is so amusing to me >the guy just watches potatoes get turned into chips and puts all of them into bags that get put into 40 KB JPG trucks, that later put the bags into stores >he just gets paid to do all of this >he could be having a rough day and someone could just say, "what's the matter dude? Got a chip on your shoulder? Did you just get LAY'd off?" This is just really fun to think about to me for some reason
: Anonymous 04/07/22(Thu)20:24:17 No.875886350 The thought of some guy making an honest living working at a potato chip factory is so amusing to me >the guy just watches potatoes get turned into chips and puts all of them into bags that get put into 40 KB JPG trucks, that later put the bags into stores >he just gets paid to do all of this >he could be having a rough day and someone could just say, "what's the matter dude? Got a chip on your shoulder? Did you just get LAY'd off?" This is just really fun to think about to me for some reason

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Anon larps as Carl Johnson | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My Special Powers 05/03/22(Tue)14:00:02 No.68473610 Gompton > Be me > Need new tunes to cruise around to > idea.jpg > Open GTA SA Wiki > Look for the section about radio stations > Start downloading all songs as MP3S, tagging them with their station as the album 10 KB JPG > Even put the stations logos as their album cover > Hours wasted
: Anonymous My Special Powers 05/03/22(Tue)14:00:02 No.68473610 Gompton > Be me > Need new tunes to cruise around to > idea.jpg > Open GTA SA Wiki > Look for the section about radio stations > Start downloading all songs as MP3S, tagging them with their station as the album 10 KB JPG > Even put the stations logos as their album cover > Hours wasted

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Anon questions Harry Potter | /r/Greentext

> "Help, help! Cedric Diggory has been killed! Yes, Cedric Diggory, my main rival as Hogwarts Champion and object of Cho Chang's affection, has been killed in the maze! Voldemort did it! He's been dead for thirteen years, but he's back, and he killed Cedric! Don't ask how, no one ask how! There were no witnesses, please do not look for any! The other two Champions in the maze were cursed with Imperio! Don't bother fetching your Veritaserum, professor Snape, I believe it's all been stolen. I am so upset right now! Has anyone seen Cho? When do I get the prize money?" 42 KB JPG
> "Help, help! Cedric Diggory has been killed! Yes, Cedric Diggory, my main rival as Hogwarts Champion and object of Cho Chang's affection, has been killed in the maze! Voldemort did it! He's been dead for thirteen years, but he's back, and he killed Cedric! Don't ask how, no one ask how! There were no witnesses, please do not look for any! The other two Champions in the maze were cursed with Imperio! Don't bother fetching your Veritaserum, professor Snape, I believe it's all been stolen. I am so upset right now! Has anyone seen Cho? When do I get the prize money?" 42 KB JPG

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Anon is gifted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Feels You Will Never Know 09/13/21(Mon)19:02:27 No.65365296 >Bought a pack of condoms from Target >They were too small when I tried them on >Had to go back and buy the Large size box instead 58 KB JPG The joy from seeing the look on the qt cashier's face and how she turned red cannot be described in words
: Anonymous Feels You Will Never Know 09/13/21(Mon)19:02:27 No.65365296 >Bought a pack of condoms from Target >They were too small when I tried them on >Had to go back and buy the Large size box instead 58 KB JPG The joy from seeing the look on the qt cashier's face and how she turned red cannot be described in words

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Anon has an itchy toe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)00:15:53 No.877465648 >Be me >Side of my left toe is seriously itchy >Keep scratching it but it just gets worse >Really annoying >Get a razor blade 18 KB JPG >Cut about a square inch of skin from where it was itchy >The pain overrides the itchiness It's bleeding heavily now, am I retarded/a schizo or does everyone do this?
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)00:15:53 No.877465648 >Be me >Side of my left toe is seriously itchy >Keep scratching it but it just gets worse >Really annoying >Get a razor blade 18 KB JPG >Cut about a square inch of skin from where it was itchy >The pain overrides the itchiness It's bleeding heavily now, am I retarded/a schizo or does everyone do this?

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Anon weeds | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:01:34 No.877453871 >Start smoking weed >Get caught >Parents obviously disapprove >Obviously keep doing it >Few arguments >Mom stops caring >l can convince her to eat a brownie I made for her 40 KB JPG >Shestarts approving Veri gud
: Anonymous 05/03/22(Tue)22:01:34 No.877453871 >Start smoking weed >Get caught >Parents obviously disapprove >Obviously keep doing it >Few arguments >Mom stops caring >l can convince her to eat a brownie I made for her 40 KB JPG >Shestarts approving Veri gud

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