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Anon is going to be a father | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)12:21:22 No.64691889 >be me >24 years old kissless virgin >apply to be a sperm donor at local fertility center >pass all clinical test and somehow make it through the interview with the psychologist 155 KB JPG >sign a contract to c-- inside a test tube 6 times per month and get paid for it >got contacted today >someone is unironically interested in impregnating his wife with my seed >mfw
: Anonymous 07/24/21(Sat)12:21:22 No.64691889 >be me >24 years old kissless virgin >apply to be a sperm donor at local fertility center >pass all clinical test and somehow make it through the interview with the psychologist 155 KB JPG >sign a contract to c-- inside a test tube 6 times per month and get paid for it >got contacted today >someone is unironically interested in impregnating his wife with my seed >mfw

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Anon uses arch, btw | /r/Greentext

>at resturant >over hear some guy say linux and not 'GNU/Linux' >enough is enough >go over to the poor lost soul >give him the 'its actually GNU/Linux' speech with such 53 KB JPG passion, it would bring stallman to tears >he leaves with his head down in shame >a waitress pulls down her pants and demands my seed right there on the spot >i deny her because i could never cheat on my waifu pillow I hate to do that to the poor lad. But we cant allow these hoolagins to get away with it anymore.
>at resturant >over hear some guy say linux and not 'GNU/Linux' >enough is enough >go over to the poor lost soul >give him the 'its actually GNU/Linux' speech with such 53 KB JPG passion, it would bring stallman to tears >he leaves with his head down in shame >a waitress pulls down her pants and demands my seed right there on the spot >i deny her because i could never cheat on my waifu pillow I hate to do that to the poor lad. But we cant allow these hoolagins to get away with it anymore.

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sounds fun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/16/22(Sat)23:31:45 No.14400657 >be me, at college >teacher gives us radioactive material to do Rutherford's experiment I kept thinking all the time during the experiment that I should have swallowed it. What would have 25 KB JPG happened if I did? My teacher said it wasn't too radioactive, just a little, so maybe l would have survived it? I regret not doing it, it would have been a great story to tell to my future grandkids. : Anonymous 04/17/22(Sun)19:10:12 No.14402948 >>14400657 (OP) # >I regret not doing it, it would have been a great story to tell to my future grandkids. Yeah, imagine having to explain to them why they're deformed. Sounds like a great time.
: Anonymous 04/16/22(Sat)23:31:45 No.14400657 >be me, at college >teacher gives us radioactive material to do Rutherford's experiment I kept thinking all the time during the experiment that I should have swallowed it. What would have 25 KB JPG happened if I did? My teacher said it wasn't too radioactive, just a little, so maybe l would have survived it? I regret not doing it, it would have been a great story to tell to my future grandkids. : Anonymous 04/17/22(Sun)19:10:12 No.14402948 >>14400657 (OP) # >I regret not doing it, it would have been a great story to tell to my future grandkids. Yeah, imagine having to explain to them why they're deformed. Sounds like a great time.

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Anon is fake and gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous [-] 09/05/20(Sat)01:11:33 No.129919342 File: 1599187904873.jpg (54 KB, 908x666) >Mom found my gigachad folder >Says she saw a folder of buff half naked guys on my computer and asks if I'm gay
Anonymous [-] 09/05/20(Sat)01:11:33 No.129919342 File: 1599187904873.jpg (54 KB, 908x666) >Mom found my gigachad folder >Says she saw a folder of buff half naked guys on my computer and asks if I'm gay

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Anon goes to the zoo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)21:07:22 No.3086720 >been volunteering at the zoo >chatting with keeper about animals >mentions that they let the chimps watch movies in winter when they keep them inside >turns out they love watching 73 KB GIF planet of the apes over and over >they also caught one of the chimps making a weapon should I be worried?
: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat)21:07:22 No.3086720 >been volunteering at the zoo >chatting with keeper about animals >mentions that they let the chimps watch movies in winter when they keep them inside >turns out they love watching 73 KB GIF planet of the apes over and over >they also caught one of the chimps making a weapon should I be worried?

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Anon hates Amber Heard | /r/Greentext

>Watching coverage of the Johnny Depp trial. >I can't believe what that psychotic bitch did to him >Even a psychologist said Amber Heard is crazy >She abused Johnny Depp and then 21 KB JPG destroyed his career >Everyone believes her because she is a woman >I want to hunt Amber Heard for sport and then turn her into a skin suit
>Watching coverage of the Johnny Depp trial. >I can't believe what that psychotic bitch did to him >Even a psychologist said Amber Heard is crazy >She abused Johnny Depp and then 21 KB JPG destroyed his career >Everyone believes her because she is a woman >I want to hunt Amber Heard for sport and then turn her into a skin suit

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Anon’s parents are cucks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend 11 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend 11 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Telephone game | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/22(Sat)09:40:27 No.68530008 >female friend sends me funny tiktok video >want to share it with my gf >dont have tiktok so I just copy and paste the link 41 KB JPG >5min later >"who the f--- is paula??????" >tiktok f------ attaches the name of the person to the link shared She won't even talk to me now. H-------- I hate this zoomer app
: Anonymous 05/07/22(Sat)09:40:27 No.68530008 >female friend sends me funny tiktok video >want to share it with my gf >dont have tiktok so I just copy and paste the link 41 KB JPG >5min later >"who the f--- is paula??????" >tiktok f------ attaches the name of the person to the link shared She won't even talk to me now. H-------- I hate this zoomer app

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Anon eat dinner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/14/18(Sun)12:39:16 No.48693227 >be me, living with older sister >she's the one who's usually cooking >she's a terrible cook >l barely know how to make a sandwich so we've got no options >one day get into a fight and I tell| 8 KB JPG her that her food is disgusting >"if you don't like my food then you can eat my p----" >go into my room >hottest fapping session of my life also, how do I apologize to her? She's the main source of income and the only one who does housework and laundry while I just sit at my computer all day. She could go out and f--- with Chad all day yet she'd rather provide me shelter. How could I return her favor?
: Anonymous 10/14/18(Sun)12:39:16 No.48693227 >be me, living with older sister >she's the one who's usually cooking >she's a terrible cook >l barely know how to make a sandwich so we've got no options >one day get into a fight and I tell| 8 KB JPG her that her food is disgusting >"if you don't like my food then you can eat my p----" >go into my room >hottest fapping session of my life also, how do I apologize to her? She's the main source of income and the only one who does housework and laundry while I just sit at my computer all day. She could go out and f--- with Chad all day yet she'd rather provide me shelter. How could I return her favor?

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Money talks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/07/22(Sat)08:26:56 No.68529475 How the f--- are you guys still virgins, legit once you know the steps and stick to it it's easy. >Start working out >Groom self, nice haircut, well trimmed beard. 138 KB PNG >Start a hobby which gets you out the house >Talk to women outside your family >Make actual female friends >Take pride in achievements and self image >Start going out to bars >Talk to strangers >Get drunk and hire an escort It's literally that easy
: Anonymous 05/07/22(Sat)08:26:56 No.68529475 How the f--- are you guys still virgins, legit once you know the steps and stick to it it's easy. >Start working out >Groom self, nice haircut, well trimmed beard. 138 KB PNG >Start a hobby which gets you out the house >Talk to women outside your family >Make actual female friends >Take pride in achievements and self image >Start going out to bars >Talk to strangers >Get drunk and hire an escort It's literally that easy

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Anon does a bit of trolling | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 770101768 17 min, ago .. Green text story >Go to bar >Modern Jukebox in corner »Start to browse »See Africa by Toto >Put in 500$ >50 cents per song >Select Africa 1000 times 71 KA PNG >Takes a minute »People start to stare >Leave bar PAfrica is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays = 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is imitable >An haur goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in via extension chard behind the wall Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine »Machine starts piaying "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyone is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes >Someone gets a shovel from god knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet now PLeave >Come back a manth later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >l shall return in 2 days O REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY
Anonymous 770101768 17 min, ago .. Green text story >Go to bar >Modern Jukebox in corner »Start to browse »See Africa by Toto >Put in 500$ >50 cents per song >Select Africa 1000 times 71 KA PNG >Takes a minute »People start to stare >Leave bar PAfrica is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays = 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is imitable >An haur goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in via extension chard behind the wall Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine »Machine starts piaying "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyone is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes >Someone gets a shovel from god knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet now PLeave >Come back a manth later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >l shall return in 2 days O REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY

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New gym experience | /r/Greentext

>>61173933 (OP) # F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc 30 KB JPG >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros
>>61173933 (OP) # F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc 30 KB JPG >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros

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Anon gets bullied. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)12:28:25 No.66124959 Guys, I just got completely ostracized by some jabbies. >in college class a couple weeks ago (my school is based and doesn't require the jab) 1.85 MB JPG >people are discussing the jab because this one sheep just got the booster >cut in with my points to try and help them, like the survivability rate being 99.9% and the spike protein production, say that anti-parasite medicine works the best if they catch it >now, I've never been the tallest guy, always a little under 5'5 and a bit stocky >this one roidmaxxed, longhaired, probably antifa guy says "don't worry, the vaccine isn't going to make you any shorter or fatter" >everyone laughs, especially the females >now everyone refers to me as "Ponyboy" in reference to the LE HORSE MEDICINE meme and my height >professor heard what they were doing and just said "maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself" and started giving me lower scores on my responses I hate them so much, they make fun of us because we can think for ourselves and see through the b-------.
Anonymous 11/12/21(Fri)12:28:25 No.66124959 Guys, I just got completely ostracized by some jabbies. >in college class a couple weeks ago (my school is based and doesn't require the jab) 1.85 MB JPG >people are discussing the jab because this one sheep just got the booster >cut in with my points to try and help them, like the survivability rate being 99.9% and the spike protein production, say that anti-parasite medicine works the best if they catch it >now, I've never been the tallest guy, always a little under 5'5 and a bit stocky >this one roidmaxxed, longhaired, probably antifa guy says "don't worry, the vaccine isn't going to make you any shorter or fatter" >everyone laughs, especially the females >now everyone refers to me as "Ponyboy" in reference to the LE HORSE MEDICINE meme and my height >professor heard what they were doing and just said "maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself" and started giving me lower scores on my responses I hate them so much, they make fun of us because we can think for ourselves and see through the b-------.

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Anon sees a flag | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: So6/5BW3 05/05/22(Thu)12:06:19 No.376224012 >ruins your chill obscure hobby and it's community Literally cancer 892 B PNG : Anonymous (ID: WQBJ+7IN ) 05/05/22(Thu)12:07:26 No.376224167 >>376224012 (OP) # That's the flag of Uraguy >>376224249 # >>376226068 # >>376227273 # >>376227757 # >>376232566 # >>376238886 # >>376242328 # >>376243103 # >>376250178 #
: Anonymous (ID: So6/5BW3 05/05/22(Thu)12:06:19 No.376224012 >ruins your chill obscure hobby and it's community Literally cancer 892 B PNG : Anonymous (ID: WQBJ+7IN ) 05/05/22(Thu)12:07:26 No.376224167 >>376224012 (OP) # That's the flag of Uraguy >>376224249 # >>376226068 # >>376227273 # >>376227757 # >>376232566 # >>376238886 # >>376242328 # >>376243103 # >>376250178 #

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Anon gets topped | /r/Greentext


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Anon hates Titanic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this 70 KB JPG a great love story Why are women like this?
: Anonymous (ID: k3eazSnQ ) 09/26/20(Sat)20:43:43 No.279414971 >on her deathbed >instead of thinking about her children and husband of 70 years she thinks of some homeless dude who f----- her in a boat trip for 2 days >millions of women consider this 70 KB JPG a great love story Why are women like this?

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Anon meets Ben Shapiro | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)06:54:15 No.780496075 >Be me >barricaded in my room for weeks >the r--- dwarf r---- and killed my girlfriend >I hear his gigantic sack dragging on the ground as he giggles >decided that this isn't how I want to live 48 KB PNG >take down my barricade >pull down my pants and just wait for the inevitable >I can hear him giggle in excitement >his sack drags quickly towards me >all of the sudden I hear the dwarf squeal >I whip around to see Ben Shapiro waitwhat.crossover >he begins to violently r--- the dwarf while repeating rekt libtard and quoting black crime statistics >all the dwarf does is squeal >after he is done he just looks at me and says "Facts don't care about your feelings" >he throws a smoke bomb and disappears >MFW
: Anonymous 09/22/18(Sat)06:54:15 No.780496075 >Be me >barricaded in my room for weeks >the r--- dwarf r---- and killed my girlfriend >I hear his gigantic sack dragging on the ground as he giggles >decided that this isn't how I want to live 48 KB PNG >take down my barricade >pull down my pants and just wait for the inevitable >I can hear him giggle in excitement >his sack drags quickly towards me >all of the sudden I hear the dwarf squeal >I whip around to see Ben Shapiro waitwhat.crossover >he begins to violently r--- the dwarf while repeating rekt libtard and quoting black crime statistics >all the dwarf does is squeal >after he is done he just looks at me and says "Facts don't care about your feelings" >he throws a smoke bomb and disappears >MFW

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anon likes to sing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/06/22(Fri)08:57:04 No.877626206 Роopie-poopie butt! Poopie butt Oh poopie-poopie butt! Poopie butt There is poop in my butt it's the poopie butt! 7 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/06/22(Fri)09:02:17 No.877626407 >#WeTurdWithAmberHeard poop
: Anonymous 05/06/22(Fri)08:57:04 No.877626206 Роopie-poopie butt! Poopie butt Oh poopie-poopie butt! Poopie butt There is poop in my butt it's the poopie butt! 7 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 05/06/22(Fri)09:02:17 No.877626407 >#WeTurdWithAmberHeard poop

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The truth hurts | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49042344 47 min. ago >go to self checkout at walmart >it shows your face on the screen the entire time STOP I DON'T WANT TO SEE 17.8 kB JPG
Anonymous | 49042344 47 min. ago >go to self checkout at walmart >it shows your face on the screen the entire time STOP I DON'T WANT TO SEE 17.8 kB JPG

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Anon catches a soul | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No. 787059622 (12 m) >>787059493 [OP] >Be Amerifag >Play pokemon go at late night >Someone put a pokelure near this hood >Go there to catch pokemons >N---- appears pointing at me with a knife >Tells me he wants my expensive smartphone >Say ok >Draw gun and shoot him in the head >Continue with pokemon go >Catch Gengar >Notice it's an anagram of Neggar >MFW i captured his soul.
Anonymous No. 787059622 (12 m) >>787059493 [OP] >Be Amerifag >Play pokemon go at late night >Someone put a pokelure near this hood >Go there to catch pokemons >N---- appears pointing at me with a knife >Tells me he wants my expensive smartphone >Say ok >Draw gun and shoot him in the head >Continue with pokemon go >Catch Gengar >Notice it's an anagram of Neggar >MFW i captured his soul.

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