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Hail to the cream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:21:45 No.68618878 DQ >Here Anon, I got you vanilla >l'm so glad that I get to go out for ice cream with my favorite grandson 1.03 MB JPG : Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:24:44 No.68618907 Of course, Mr President. The cabinet meeting will begin in 20 minutes. : Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:35:08 No.68618999 >>68618878 (OP) # i wanted chocolate chocolate chip you old f---
: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:21:45 No.68618878 DQ >Here Anon, I got you vanilla >l'm so glad that I get to go out for ice cream with my favorite grandson 1.03 MB JPG : Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:24:44 No.68618907 Of course, Mr President. The cabinet meeting will begin in 20 minutes. : Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:35:08 No.68618999 >>68618878 (OP) # i wanted chocolate chocolate chip you old f---

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Anon is feared | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)12:52:14 No.68624305 >boss yells at me at work >mom yells at me at home >dogs bark at me on the street >me go to the kindergarten and yell at kids >they scream and run away I'm still feared 31 KB JPG
Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)12:52:14 No.68624305 >boss yells at me at work >mom yells at me at home >dogs bark at me on the street >me go to the kindergarten and yell at kids >they scream and run away I'm still feared 31 KB JPG

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Anon doesn’t want to date a dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)10:22:09 No.878129533 >be me >be on dating website >every once in a while I run into someone who owns a pit bull How can I tell? >there's always more photos of their dog on their dating website than them 10 KB JPG >they're always moderately obese Why the f--- do women do this? I'm trying to date you not you're f------ dog. View Thread
: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)10:22:09 No.878129533 >be me >be on dating website >every once in a while I run into someone who owns a pit bull How can I tell? >there's always more photos of their dog on their dating website than them 10 KB JPG >they're always moderately obese Why the f--- do women do this? I'm trying to date you not you're f------ dog. View Thread

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Once upon a time | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)18:57:06 No.858954461 >be born female >be genderfluid >have sex with straight male >switch to male in the middle of sex >bitch is gay now Imao owned 33 KB JPG
: Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)18:57:06 No.858954461 >be born female >be genderfluid >have sex with straight male >switch to male in the middle of sex >bitch is gay now Imao owned 33 KB JPG

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Gas station | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)18:06:34 No.53549143 13398750249575.jpg 557 KB JPG >Lewis-cooled AR Not a bad idea, especially with an FRT. : Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)18:07:27 No.53549153 *farts in your thread* Nothing personal, kid. >>53549498 #
: Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)18:06:34 No.53549143 13398750249575.jpg 557 KB JPG >Lewis-cooled AR Not a bad idea, especially with an FRT. : Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)18:07:27 No.53549153 *farts in your thread* Nothing personal, kid. >>53549498 #

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Anon loses all hope in humanity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"
: Anonymous 10/03/18(Wed)00:13:01 No.781354558 Hey f--- heres a greentext threat about Irony >be me >have female friend who likes shitpost as much as I do 15 KB JPG >notificationtojoinashitpostgroupfromher.exe >Flat Earth etc... >seems like a decent shitpost group >everyone has a top tier shitposting/Irony humor >"NASA uses Eyefish lence" >Laugh at funny ironical memes and s--- they write >my friend likes NASA and space bs >see a post where she is arguing w/ some random guy >Find out the FB group is not a shitpost group >Mfw I've been in this group for at least 2 months >Mfw I thought their posts were memes >Mfw these people actually think Earth is flat >Mfw top excuse is "NASA uses eyefish lence"

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Anon has a date | /r/Greentext

SADFROGS 59D5CDE9-5F63-42BE-85E2-4B0A78C7B6DF.jpg 55 KB JPG >college >walking to class >guy comes up to me >hands me candy and says happy valentines day >continues on with his day wishing everyone he sees a happy valentines day and giving them candy Honestly day made
SADFROGS 59D5CDE9-5F63-42BE-85E2-4B0A78C7B6DF.jpg 55 KB JPG >college >walking to class >guy comes up to me >hands me candy and says happy valentines day >continues on with his day wishing everyone he sees a happy valentines day and giving them candy Honestly day made

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Anon is smarter than the average american | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)18:58:09 No.877499651 >Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes >Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks. >No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever. 66 KB JPG Are Americans just retarded? Cim
: Anonymous 05/04/22(Wed)18:58:09 No.877499651 >Seen IKEA difficult assembly memes >Order several pieces of furniture over three weeks. >No missing pieces >No confusing assembly, no troubles assembling what so ever. 66 KB JPG Are Americans just retarded? Cim

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Anon dislikes Ronald Reagan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: (hoHpU9ij ) Reagan sucked ass 05/14/22(Sat)00:43:12 No.377537770 >be Ronald Reagan >fund the Contras who ran paramilitary death squads in Nicaragua >turn a blind eye to them smuggling some cocaine into the U.S 25 KB JPG >enact harsh penalties for people who started using crack cocaine that the CIA-backed guys were bringing in >(poor blacks in urban areas were disproportionately targeted by these laws) >don't do s--- about AIDS when it became an issue around 1982, and don't even mention AIDS publicly until 1985 >do Reaganomics which f----- over a lot of poor Americans >give a bunch of money and weapons to Mujahideen fighters in Afghanistan, who would later help create the Taliban & other terrorist groups >he also may or may not have had Alzheimer's while he was still in office >still win both elections in a landslide, & manage to be one of the most popular Presidents ever
: Anonymous (ID: (hoHpU9ij ) Reagan sucked ass 05/14/22(Sat)00:43:12 No.377537770 >be Ronald Reagan >fund the Contras who ran paramilitary death squads in Nicaragua >turn a blind eye to them smuggling some cocaine into the U.S 25 KB JPG >enact harsh penalties for people who started using crack cocaine that the CIA-backed guys were bringing in >(poor blacks in urban areas were disproportionately targeted by these laws) >don't do s--- about AIDS when it became an issue around 1982, and don't even mention AIDS publicly until 1985 >do Reaganomics which f----- over a lot of poor Americans >give a bunch of money and weapons to Mujahideen fighters in Afghanistan, who would later help create the Taliban & other terrorist groups >he also may or may not have had Alzheimer's while he was still in office >still win both elections in a landslide, & manage to be one of the most popular Presidents ever

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Anon’s friend is a pain in the neck | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/05/13(Tue)20:50:44 No.514564416 >Be in 7th >Friend can crack his neck real loud and can turn his head completely sideways >Have a sub during choir >We think it would be funny if he made it look like he snapped his own neck >In between songs he screams out "I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" >Proceeds to make the loudest crack ive ever heard >Falls to the ground >The sub screams and runs out the door >lols were had He then hid in a storage closet and was suspended
Anonymous 11/05/13(Tue)20:50:44 No.514564416 >Be in 7th >Friend can crack his neck real loud and can turn his head completely sideways >Have a sub during choir >We think it would be funny if he made it look like he snapped his own neck >In between songs he screams out "I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" >Proceeds to make the loudest crack ive ever heard >Falls to the ground >The sub screams and runs out the door >lols were had He then hid in a storage closet and was suspended

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Anone almost tells person to have a seat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 8/29/2019 (Thu)09:19:45 No.852672830 > Be me circa 2008 (forgettable year) > be 14 yo girl at the time > friends and I are bored watching Dateline NBC wat >getidea.ogg 9 KB JPG >decide to go into chatrooms to lure in old creepy guys who want underrage girls >ffw to one week after when friend's parents aren't home >lure a 55 year old man to our house >forgot to mention that friend's dad owns a small print shop >print out life sized cardboard cut out of Chris Hansen and leave in the doorway >Old dude opens the door and f------ gets scared shitless and sprints away >mwf i realize how absolutely f------ stupid we were and how we could have been murdered or worse r----
: Anonymous 8/29/2019 (Thu)09:19:45 No.852672830 > Be me circa 2008 (forgettable year) > be 14 yo girl at the time > friends and I are bored watching Dateline NBC wat >getidea.ogg 9 KB JPG >decide to go into chatrooms to lure in old creepy guys who want underrage girls >ffw to one week after when friend's parents aren't home >lure a 55 year old man to our house >forgot to mention that friend's dad owns a small print shop >print out life sized cardboard cut out of Chris Hansen and leave in the doorway >Old dude opens the door and f------ gets scared shitless and sprints away >mwf i realize how absolutely f------ stupid we were and how we could have been murdered or worse r----

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warning: idiots in commentsAnon does his PhD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)21:43:18 No.10178727 >be G >doing a PhD >one day a trans girl student from one of my classes comes to my office >says she wants to work with me and my PhD supervisor as an 5 KB JPG undergrad >ask her some questions to gauge her level >pretty keen and capable, good >ask her to prove that the fundamental group of the quotient space X/G is G itself if its action on the simply connected space X is free and transitive >she freezes up >ok, ask her instead to prove that two curves on a manifold have trivial tangent spaces at a point iff they intersect transversally >her face flushes red, as if she's on the brink of tears >uh oh, let's try something easier >ask her to prove that ever permutation can be uniquely decomposed into a product of transpositions >she bursts out my office crying >w-- >days later got called into the department office and got chewed out for being transphobic and that l'll have my PhD grant revoked if this happens again >mfw
: Anonymous 11/30/18(Fri)21:43:18 No.10178727 >be G >doing a PhD >one day a trans girl student from one of my classes comes to my office >says she wants to work with me and my PhD supervisor as an 5 KB JPG undergrad >ask her some questions to gauge her level >pretty keen and capable, good >ask her to prove that the fundamental group of the quotient space X/G is G itself if its action on the simply connected space X is free and transitive >she freezes up >ok, ask her instead to prove that two curves on a manifold have trivial tangent spaces at a point iff they intersect transversally >her face flushes red, as if she's on the brink of tears >uh oh, let's try something easier >ask her to prove that ever permutation can be uniquely decomposed into a product of transpositions >she bursts out my office crying >w-- >days later got called into the department office and got chewed out for being transphobic and that l'll have my PhD grant revoked if this happens again >mfw

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Anon is a kid in the 90's. | /r/Greentext

File: file.png (131 KB, 248x203) 0000 Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)07:53:10 No.50432682 [Reply] >AAAAAAARGH THE HIGH PITCHED FREQUENCIES! IT'S REWRITING MY BRAIN!! >l'M GOING TO F------ KILL MYSELF I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMOREEEE
File: file.png (131 KB, 248x203) 0000 Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)07:53:10 No.50432682 [Reply] >AAAAAAARGH THE HIGH PITCHED FREQUENCIES! IT'S REWRITING MY BRAIN!! >l'M GOING TO F------ KILL MYSELF I CAN'T HANDLE IT ANYMOREEEE

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Damn evil genius | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at.).png (179 KB, 310x294) > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BA > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw
Anonymous (ID: V+cdTMB1) 11/11/14(Tue)05:49:31 No.578820617 File: Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at.).png (179 KB, 310x294) > be me at age 8 > always hung out around woods by playground where i grew up > thought i was too cool for the playground > one day decide to "booby-trap" the playground's sandbox BA > dig 3' diameter hole to bottom of sand > gather epic trap supplies from woods > lay near perfectly-spaced grid of long, thin sticks on top of hole > weave giant fern leaves on top of sticks > delicately cover with sand again > mymasterpiece.jpg > hang out on swing, waiting for victims > get impatient and go home > go to playground next day > group of mom's circling my now broken trap > one of their young has fallen in. victory is mine > hear them say "a child couldn't have done this" > "must have been some loser teenagers" > realize i'm a god damn evil genius at the age of 8 > mfw

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Anon is ROOT | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:14:26 No.878090014 All I have ever wanted from a yogurt is to know who the cows are. BERLE The Cows: Myrtle Letty Root Irma COWN YOGU Fanny Julia Veronica Padma Lucy certified european style light tasting O 1,672 t764.9K 569K [esk, Roza @StRoseCherry 23h Notice how they named all the cows traditionally girl names. There is a deep connection between misogyny and consuming animals. 218 27551 307 Connor Bax D @bax_connor Replying to @StRoseCherry and @_Jen_Silverman I feel like yogurt from a bull wouldnt taste quite right. 1612279528636.jpg 62 KB JPG >>878090167 # >>878112036 # >>878112172 # Anonymous05/14/22(Sat)01:16:46 No.878090167 CHE O-0 3090054 >>878090014 # >traditionally girly names >Root >L AM ROOT 44 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)01:14:26 No.878090014 All I have ever wanted from a yogurt is to know who the cows are. BERLE The Cows: Myrtle Letty Root Irma COWN YOGU Fanny Julia Veronica Padma Lucy certified european style light tasting O 1,672 t764.9K 569K [esk, Roza @StRoseCherry 23h Notice how they named all the cows traditionally girl names. There is a deep connection between misogyny and consuming animals. 218 27551 307 Connor Bax D @bax_connor Replying to @StRoseCherry and @_Jen_Silverman I feel like yogurt from a bull wouldnt taste quite right. 1612279528636.jpg 62 KB JPG >>878090167 # >>878112036 # >>878112172 # Anonymous05/14/22(Sat)01:16:46 No.878090167 CHE O-0 3090054 >>878090014 # >traditionally girly names >Root >L AM ROOT 44 KB JPG

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Anon has a creepypasta moment | /r/Greentext

Picsart_22-01-22_15-20-36-347.png 83 KB PNG >playing Mario sunshine at 2AM in 2005 >Everyone's asleep in the house but me >GameCube shuts off by itself and turns back on >Extremely high pitched noise starts to play >GameCube logo lags as it's loading >Finally boots up again >Scared as f--- >Game boots up as normal, decide to beat the next level and call it a night >Finish playing, go to bed >Accidentally lay on my dog, crushing it and killing it instantly
Picsart_22-01-22_15-20-36-347.png 83 KB PNG >playing Mario sunshine at 2AM in 2005 >Everyone's asleep in the house but me >GameCube shuts off by itself and turns back on >Extremely high pitched noise starts to play >GameCube logo lags as it's loading >Finally boots up again >Scared as f--- >Game boots up as normal, decide to beat the next level and call it a night >Finish playing, go to bed >Accidentally lay on my dog, crushing it and killing it instantly

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/vp/ anon is straight | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)01:38:04 No.50424725 ► >50424802 File: transparent oguro.png (1018 KB, 906x1357) >>50423851 (OP). I wish I was gay so I could fap to raihan. >> Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)01:54:02 No.50424802 ► >50424815 >>50424725 Why can't you do it now? >> Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)01:57:15 No.50424815 ► File: kotoura_ dont.png (797 KB, 935x1220) DON'T >>50424802 because I'm not gay. Can't you read?
>> Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)01:38:04 No.50424725 ► >50424802 File: transparent oguro.png (1018 KB, 906x1357) >>50423851 (OP). I wish I was gay so I could fap to raihan. >> Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)01:54:02 No.50424802 ► >50424815 >>50424725 Why can't you do it now? >> Anonymous 05/13/22(Fri)01:57:15 No.50424815 ► File: kotoura_ dont.png (797 KB, 935x1220) DON'T >>50424802 because I'm not gay. Can't you read?

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Anon wants funny videos | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)00:29:55 No.878106815 >be me >finally get tiktok >start scrolling >see some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life >realize l'll never meet any of them and even if i did i wouldnt have a chance >put my phone down and stare at ceiling for an hour thinking about how much of my life l've wasted 9 KB JPG what the hell i just wanted to watch some funny videos : Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)00:31:07 No.878106876 >>878106815 (OP) # Yes, social media is harmful.
: Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)00:29:55 No.878106815 >be me >finally get tiktok >start scrolling >see some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life >realize l'll never meet any of them and even if i did i wouldnt have a chance >put my phone down and stare at ceiling for an hour thinking about how much of my life l've wasted 9 KB JPG what the hell i just wanted to watch some funny videos : Anonymous 05/14/22(Sat)00:31:07 No.878106876 >>878106815 (OP) # Yes, social media is harmful.

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Because you're autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:39:25 No.874856366 I can't stop acting like I'm in a dark movie. >Cousin talks to me >Eventually asks me the question "what did you lose?" 69 KB JPG >Whisper "Everything" with a dead stare >Meet this one chick >We talk >She tells me a joke >I whisper "That's funny" with a dead stare and no emotion : Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:58:59 No.874857421 The movie must be Rain Man because you're autistic. >>874857470 # >>874857927 #
: Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:39:25 No.874856366 I can't stop acting like I'm in a dark movie. >Cousin talks to me >Eventually asks me the question "what did you lose?" 69 KB JPG >Whisper "Everything" with a dead stare >Meet this one chick >We talk >She tells me a joke >I whisper "That's funny" with a dead stare and no emotion : Anonymous 03/21/22(Mon)20:58:59 No.874857421 The movie must be Rain Man because you're autistic. >>874857470 # >>874857927 #

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Anon suffers a heartbreak | /r/Greentext

O l just can't stop thinking about it Anonymous (ID: pk1kFdVg) 05/14/22(Sat)02:56:04 No.15203622 [Reply] > >>15203629 >be me >be 12 years old >have a 2 week old kitten >build up a long and loving friendship with the cat >*1 year later" >*cat has kittens* >be really happy >*5 days later >see that the kittens aren't in their small house I built for them ( it was big enough for all 3 of them to fit ) >notices that she put them somewhere near my window ( Its not high, so they cant be hurt by falling ) >*30 minutes later* >hear loud high pitched meowing near window >see that a bird saw the kittens and started pecking them >immediately scared off the bird >went outside to see if anything worse happened >see that 2 are already dead and one is meowing in pain with blood in its mouth >try to help in some way >*kitten dies in hands* >*cries myself to sleep* I wish I could of helped sooner :'(
O l just can't stop thinking about it Anonymous (ID: pk1kFdVg) 05/14/22(Sat)02:56:04 No.15203622 [Reply] > >>15203629 >be me >be 12 years old >have a 2 week old kitten >build up a long and loving friendship with the cat >*1 year later" >*cat has kittens* >be really happy >*5 days later >see that the kittens aren't in their small house I built for them ( it was big enough for all 3 of them to fit ) >notices that she put them somewhere near my window ( Its not high, so they cant be hurt by falling ) >*30 minutes later* >hear loud high pitched meowing near window >see that a bird saw the kittens and started pecking them >immediately scared off the bird >went outside to see if anything worse happened >see that 2 are already dead and one is meowing in pain with blood in its mouth >try to help in some way >*kitten dies in hands* >*cries myself to sleep* I wish I could of helped sooner :'(

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