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Anon gets satisfied | /r/Greentext

>be me >have a 10-year-old girl come to my produce department >she's wearing a Love Live Sunshine shirt >nice.jpg >be stocking bananas >she reaches for a bunch of bananas just as I move them @tsumangoteatime >she begins to cry >crying kids make me feel sad and guilty >hand bananas to her >pull out my best Mari voice and say "It's joke!" >wittness the biggest smile I've ever seen on someone's face before
>be me >have a 10-year-old girl come to my produce department >she's wearing a Love Live Sunshine shirt >nice.jpg >be stocking bananas >she reaches for a bunch of bananas just as I move them @tsumangoteatime >she begins to cry >crying kids make me feel sad and guilty >hand bananas to her >pull out my best Mari voice and say "It's joke!" >wittness the biggest smile I've ever seen on someone's face before

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How did he know? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 67852442 OP 174.6 kB PNG 5 min. ago... >Go to hospital to discuss septum surgery with my mom and gp >Doctor asks if I have any allergies >No >Mom chimes in >Of course you have allergies anon, why else are there so many tissues in your room >Mom remains clueless He f------ laughed he knew 2 REPLIES 0 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 67852442 OP 174.6 kB PNG 5 min. ago... >Go to hospital to discuss septum surgery with my mom and gp >Doctor asks if I have any allergies >No >Mom chimes in >Of course you have allergies anon, why else are there so many tissues in your room >Mom remains clueless He f------ laughed he knew 2 REPLIES 0 IMAGES REPLY

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11 year old anon makes a song | /r/Greentext

04/14/21(Wed)20:06:57 No.63219574 hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks Anonymous 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy > I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus
04/14/21(Wed)20:06:57 No.63219574 hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks Anonymous 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy > I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus

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Gotta catch em all | /r/Greentext

e: beub.jpg (138 KB, 1080x720) Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:10:58 No.33711472 >>33711584>>33711619 Can I seduce scandinavian girls ? I will go for holy days. Pic is me Thanks. Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:19:34 No.33711808>>33711842 >>33711895 File: foldert.png (670 KB, 1312x876) inain Doesn't matter. You're in my folder now. AMEND Avgas Midi L Q French 7 French 8 Irish Israel 2 Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:21:50 No.33711902 ► >>33711808 This is very unsettling. Fox-13 Rizal hal W kepab Kebab French French Tunisian Israel Italian 2 Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:20:22 No.33711842 ► >>33711808 thats normal ifunny.co
e: beub.jpg (138 KB, 1080x720) Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:10:58 No.33711472 >>33711584>>33711619 Can I seduce scandinavian girls ? I will go for holy days. Pic is me Thanks. Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:19:34 No.33711808>>33711842 >>33711895 File: foldert.png (670 KB, 1312x876) inain Doesn't matter. You're in my folder now. AMEND Avgas Midi L Q French 7 French 8 Irish Israel 2 Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:21:50 No.33711902 ► >>33711808 This is very unsettling. Fox-13 Rizal hal W kepab Kebab French French Tunisian Israel Italian 2 Anonymous 11/24/14(Mon)19:20:22 No.33711842 ► >>33711808 thats normal ifunny.co

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Anon sets sail | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)23:18:48 No.878948329 > be me > join navy at 18 > take piece of cake IT job > start making good money real quick because of tax benefits 75 KB JPG > outside of work just play video games just like the rest of you nerds > when I deploy I have 0 expenses and essentially save $4000 a month for 6 months > navy pays for you to take college classes and get IT certifications which will land you a cake civilian job > jobs requiring Top Secret clearance can pay $120,000-150,000 > leave after 5 years with $75k saved > start college receiving $1800 a month in benefits plus $1000 a month from grants > feels like life is on easy mode > people complain about how hard it is in america what do?
: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)23:18:48 No.878948329 > be me > join navy at 18 > take piece of cake IT job > start making good money real quick because of tax benefits 75 KB JPG > outside of work just play video games just like the rest of you nerds > when I deploy I have 0 expenses and essentially save $4000 a month for 6 months > navy pays for you to take college classes and get IT certifications which will land you a cake civilian job > jobs requiring Top Secret clearance can pay $120,000-150,000 > leave after 5 years with $75k saved > start college receiving $1800 a month in benefits plus $1000 a month from grants > feels like life is on easy mode > people complain about how hard it is in america what do?

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Anon plays DnD | /r/Greentext

12/22/19(Sun)09:37:51 No.70067181 We have had enough examples of bad DMs. Give examples of good DMs, preferably from your own groups. : Anonymous >tfw no gf 188 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/22/19(Sun)12:25:29 No.70069193 >>70067181 (OP) # > Be playing Adventurers league a few years ago > had a cool DM who was very tolerant with our s--- > we had a kid around the age of 11 in our group who was constantly sick > kid had some sort of disability which left him wheelchair bound and constantly in and out of hospitals > kid enjoyed playing D&D with us but it was usually difficult when he needed to go to the Hospital > our DM realized that it would be difficult to schedule arround this > our DM also knew how much this kid loved D&D. > so the DM decided to do something for the kid > the day before one of our sessions, the DM visited the kid at the hospital > the DM then gave the kid a gift > it was a laptop with a webcam that the DM bought for him > he told the kid that if he couldn't attend a session due to him being hospitalized, the kid could Skype us from the hospital to play with us > the kid never missed a single session after that. All in all it was fun playing with that group
12/22/19(Sun)09:37:51 No.70067181 We have had enough examples of bad DMs. Give examples of good DMs, preferably from your own groups. : Anonymous >tfw no gf 188 KB PNG : Anonymous 12/22/19(Sun)12:25:29 No.70069193 >>70067181 (OP) # > Be playing Adventurers league a few years ago > had a cool DM who was very tolerant with our s--- > we had a kid around the age of 11 in our group who was constantly sick > kid had some sort of disability which left him wheelchair bound and constantly in and out of hospitals > kid enjoyed playing D&D with us but it was usually difficult when he needed to go to the Hospital > our DM realized that it would be difficult to schedule arround this > our DM also knew how much this kid loved D&D. > so the DM decided to do something for the kid > the day before one of our sessions, the DM visited the kid at the hospital > the DM then gave the kid a gift > it was a laptop with a webcam that the DM bought for him > he told the kid that if he couldn't attend a session due to him being hospitalized, the kid could Skype us from the hospital to play with us > the kid never missed a single session after that. All in all it was fun playing with that group

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One chance | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52772696 # : Anonymous >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman
Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)17:57:40 No.52771831 10 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:01:50 No.52771891 >>52771831 (OP) # >one chance at life >Thurman I CAN'T EVEN F------ SHORTEN IT REEEEEEEE 114 KB PNG >>52772118 # >>52772175 # >>52772688 # >>52772696 # >>52772722 # >>52773112 # >>52773312 # >>52773328 # >>52773372 # >>52773532 # : Anonymous 06/05/19(Wed)18:17:12 No.52772118 >>52771891 # f------ THURMAN 411 KB JPG 06/05/19(Wed)18:20:51 No.52772175 >>52772696 # : Anonymous >one chance at life >parents name you pheonix yes, that is the actual spelling >>52771891 # Ahahah sup thurman

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Anon visits his grandparents | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/27/22(Fri)08:49:05 No.68798054 >grandparents visiting for a week >grandpa is interested in crypto, has heard me talk about it so I shill him on muh shitcoins >f--- I probably shouldn't go that to gramps 58 KB JPG >tell him to just sign up for coinbase and what the safe coins are so I don't feel bad for when the shitcoins inevitably fail >help him sign up >he has to confirm email >"Oh dang, guess I'll just have to do this when I get back home" >tell him he can just sign into his email on my computer and sign back out if he's worried about muh privacy or something >"What do you mean anon? My email is just on my computer back at home" >browhat >Tell him he can login to his email on literally any device he has access to. >just put in the email and password dude >show him how to do it >"WOW Anon, I had no idea you could do that! That's so cool!" Jesus christ bros, he's gonna lose all his f------ money
: Anonymous 05/27/22(Fri)08:49:05 No.68798054 >grandparents visiting for a week >grandpa is interested in crypto, has heard me talk about it so I shill him on muh shitcoins >f--- I probably shouldn't go that to gramps 58 KB JPG >tell him to just sign up for coinbase and what the safe coins are so I don't feel bad for when the shitcoins inevitably fail >help him sign up >he has to confirm email >"Oh dang, guess I'll just have to do this when I get back home" >tell him he can just sign into his email on my computer and sign back out if he's worried about muh privacy or something >"What do you mean anon? My email is just on my computer back at home" >browhat >Tell him he can login to his email on literally any device he has access to. >just put in the email and password dude >show him how to do it >"WOW Anon, I had no idea you could do that! That's so cool!" Jesus christ bros, he's gonna lose all his f------ money

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anon has an idea | /r/Greentext

Anonymous dios mio 11/25/18(Sun)20:47:15 No.49497117 Most mortifying life experience stories. >Be me >14 >Sleeping 24 KB JPG >Hear loud thud >shitmypants.png >scuffling nosies on one of my walls >dont move a muscle >get idea >no demon would be haunting while someone is jerking off >whip out my d--- >start masturbaiting loudly >stare at the wall while moaning that I want whoevers there to f--- me >mfw the lights turn on >mfw it was my mom getting my laundry >mfw Im probably getting put up for adoption
Anonymous dios mio 11/25/18(Sun)20:47:15 No.49497117 Most mortifying life experience stories. >Be me >14 >Sleeping 24 KB JPG >Hear loud thud >shitmypants.png >scuffling nosies on one of my walls >dont move a muscle >get idea >no demon would be haunting while someone is jerking off >whip out my d--- >start masturbaiting loudly >stare at the wall while moaning that I want whoevers there to f--- me >mfw the lights turn on >mfw it was my mom getting my laundry >mfw Im probably getting put up for adoption

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/fit/izen shares a story | /r/Greentext

20 Re 4 Img JPG 24KB (274x 253) 3 Replies /gym/stories >be me >at gym lifting as usual >some new gypsy guy comes in >he is the only gypsy guy at the gym >everyone is looking at him cuz f--- em dogs >1 hour later regular comes out screaming someone stole his phone >female gym owner immediately looks at the gypsy, tells him sorry but you have to stay, calls cops >until the cops arrive gypsy is yelling " you are racist, you have no proof you just do this because im a gypsy" trying to make himself the victim >cops arrive >find the phone in his shoes
20 Re 4 Img JPG 24KB (274x 253) 3 Replies /gym/stories >be me >at gym lifting as usual >some new gypsy guy comes in >he is the only gypsy guy at the gym >everyone is looking at him cuz f--- em dogs >1 hour later regular comes out screaming someone stole his phone >female gym owner immediately looks at the gypsy, tells him sorry but you have to stay, calls cops >until the cops arrive gypsy is yelling " you are racist, you have no proof you just do this because im a gypsy" trying to make himself the victim >cops arrive >find the phone in his shoes

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Anon is at peace | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)02:12:31 No.868008307 >be me >wake up >not obsessed with nfts >not transphobic >not a nazi >not a tankie 136 KB JPG >not obsessed with male hierarchy >don't have twitter >don't worship some mediocre pop star >don't watch annoying s-------- on youtube >life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it's that easy.
: Anonymous 12/05/21(Sun)02:12:31 No.868008307 >be me >wake up >not obsessed with nfts >not transphobic >not a nazi >not a tankie 136 KB JPG >not obsessed with male hierarchy >don't have twitter >don't worship some mediocre pop star >don't watch annoying s-------- on youtube >life is good Just dont be a dumbass anons, it's that easy.

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Anon is excited about his new job | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: u41vpX7K) >competitive salary >pet friendly workplace >cold brew on tap and unlimited snacks >unlimited PTO 202 KB PNG >game room >open office >casual dress >hybrid work schedule >we work hard, we play hard >pinball machine and air hockey in the break room 05/26/22(Thu)14:14:54 No.49161098
Anonymous (ID: u41vpX7K) >competitive salary >pet friendly workplace >cold brew on tap and unlimited snacks >unlimited PTO 202 KB PNG >game room >open office >casual dress >hybrid work schedule >we work hard, we play hard >pinball machine and air hockey in the break room 05/26/22(Thu)14:14:54 No.49161098

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Mark learns the truth | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 T 194238572356-43qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.
Anonymous 05/01/21(Sat)06:05:19 No.122719443 T 194238572356-43qtr.jpg 22 KB JPG >>122718884 (OP) # >Let me break it down for you, Mark. Your mother and I have a relationship that's all about a master/slave dynamic. When I said she was more like a pet to me, I meant that in the most literal way possible. Remember that time you found a dog collar under the couch and I told you it's because we were getting you a dog? That was a lie, son. Truthfully, your mom likes it when I put her on a leash and walk her around the backyard. She's usually naked, of course. I can't explain why, but the whole thing is her idea. She'll piss on trees, sleep in dog cages, chew up furniture - she one took a full-sized, adult woman s--- in my Dockers. Your mother is one f------up slut, Mark. And I love her, but I'm not bringing that energy back to Viltrum with me. Frankly? She scares me sometimes. I don't know who molested her or how they did it, but there is some dark juju in that woman's head and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to f--- it all away.

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Anon's life is ruined | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: oaM30+zh 11/18/18(Sun)00:26:12 No.193822806 His ex accused him of an attack that could have meant life in prison. A selfie saved him. >your ex-gf accuses you of breaking into her home, assaulting her, and carving an 'X' in her neck >police immediately arrest you and charge you with burglary and assault that can get you life in prison 213 KB JPG >your parents get $150,000 in debt trying to hire a lawyer and post your bail >people are convinced you did it and you have no alibi to say otherwise >your mom suddenly finds a selfie pic you sent her that was dated at the time of the assault >turns out that pic clears you of all charges since it placed you away from the scene of the crime >your ex-gf gets off scott-free with no charges for lying while you had your life ruined
: Anonymous (ID: oaM30+zh 11/18/18(Sun)00:26:12 No.193822806 His ex accused him of an attack that could have meant life in prison. A selfie saved him. >your ex-gf accuses you of breaking into her home, assaulting her, and carving an 'X' in her neck >police immediately arrest you and charge you with burglary and assault that can get you life in prison 213 KB JPG >your parents get $150,000 in debt trying to hire a lawyer and post your bail >people are convinced you did it and you have no alibi to say otherwise >your mom suddenly finds a selfie pic you sent her that was dated at the time of the assault >turns out that pic clears you of all charges since it placed you away from the scene of the crime >your ex-gf gets off scott-free with no charges for lying while you had your life ruined

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Anon has a threesome | /r/Greentext

05/26/22(Thu)09:44:29 No.68787815 >be me >botanist >do test on plants >artificially pollinate one >realize I just transferred plant c-- to another plant >basically a threesome : Anonymous 436 KB JPG See ya later virgins
05/26/22(Thu)09:44:29 No.68787815 >be me >botanist >do test on plants >artificially pollinate one >realize I just transferred plant c-- to another plant >basically a threesome : Anonymous 436 KB JPG See ya later virgins

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Anon tries to study | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >punched my sister for being an annoying little s--- >she cried and told my dad >he burst into my room and punched me in the f------ face and then took my sister to get a 3DS game 30 KB JPG I hate my life. Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:08:38 No.48490766 Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:10:53 No.48490794 >>48490744 (OP) # why did you punch her, you brute >>48490842 # : Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:12:32 No.48490822 : Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:14:07 No.48490842 >>48490794 # I was trying to study and she kept coming into my room and doing that Fortnite dance. >>48490894 # >>48490910 # >>48490957 # >>48491193 # 10/04/18(Thu)14:07:30 No.48490744
Anonymous >punched my sister for being an annoying little s--- >she cried and told my dad >he burst into my room and punched me in the f------ face and then took my sister to get a 3DS game 30 KB JPG I hate my life. Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:08:38 No.48490766 Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:10:53 No.48490794 >>48490744 (OP) # why did you punch her, you brute >>48490842 # : Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:12:32 No.48490822 : Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)14:14:07 No.48490842 >>48490794 # I was trying to study and she kept coming into my room and doing that Fortnite dance. >>48490894 # >>48490910 # >>48490957 # >>48491193 # 10/04/18(Thu)14:07:30 No.48490744

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Anon uses conditioner | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)07:12:45 No.220268158 >one time in highschool we were on a field trip >washed my hair with new conditioner the night before, hadn't washed my hair all weekend up until that point and the oil from that makes my hair really soft >sleeping in the school bus >Woken up to a girl who routinely teased me stroking my hair >wow anon this is so soft how do you do it >confused, just start stammering >a couple other girls touch it >feels heavenly It was a different era. >>220268276 # >>220268599 # : Anonymous 04/12/21 (Mon)07:15:03 No.220268276 >>220268158 # >conditioner what a f----- >>220268375 # >>220268396 # >>220268450 # >>220268554 #
: Anonymous 04/12/21(Mon)07:12:45 No.220268158 >one time in highschool we were on a field trip >washed my hair with new conditioner the night before, hadn't washed my hair all weekend up until that point and the oil from that makes my hair really soft >sleeping in the school bus >Woken up to a girl who routinely teased me stroking my hair >wow anon this is so soft how do you do it >confused, just start stammering >a couple other girls touch it >feels heavenly It was a different era. >>220268276 # >>220268599 # : Anonymous 04/12/21 (Mon)07:15:03 No.220268276 >>220268158 # >conditioner what a f----- >>220268375 # >>220268396 # >>220268450 # >>220268554 #

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Anon had a dream | /r/Greentext

>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while >one of them looks at my window 599 KB PNG >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??
>weird f------ dream i had: >chilling in my room >look through my window on second floor >see three elderly women passing by on the road >look at them for a while >one of them looks at my window 599 KB PNG >oh s--- they saw me >she takes a TV temote control and points it towards my window. >window turns black >bitch just turned off my window >wake up angry >what??

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Anon got owned | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)08:39:53 No.595649376 Why are they called video games instead of data games? Video game implies its gonna be some FMV s--- or something. Data game is more accurate because they're all data. We should start calling them data games. 236 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)08:40:23 No.595649432 >>595649376 (OP) # Maybe you should data girl. >>595649553 # >>595650104 # >>595652927 # >>595653382 # >>595653662 # >>595653774 # >>595655723 # >>595655740 # >>595655812 #
Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)08:39:53 No.595649376 Why are they called video games instead of data games? Video game implies its gonna be some FMV s--- or something. Data game is more accurate because they're all data. We should start calling them data games. 236 KB PNG : Anonymous 04/15/22(Fri)08:40:23 No.595649432 >>595649376 (OP) # Maybe you should data girl. >>595649553 # >>595650104 # >>595652927 # >>595653382 # >>595653662 # >>595653774 # >>595655723 # >>595655740 # >>595655812 #

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anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)16:53:53 No.878899946 > be me, early 20s autistic woman > was a huge d--- when i was younger, used to bully other kids bc i didn't understand boundaries or social cues > go back to hometown for high school friend's party 8 KB PNG > girl i went to school with when i was 10 is there > she approaches > fuckfuckfuckfuck > "hey anon! it's great to run into you, how are you?" > she's acting normal but i definitely remember bullying her and i am again autistic so inside i am FREAKING out > we talk for a bit while i get progressively drunker > nowornever.jpg > "i just wanted to apologise for bullying you when we were younger. there's no excuse but i was really struggling and i took it out on you. I'm sorry." > patting myself on the back, 10/10 speech, didn't even f--- it up > she looks at me like i'm insane > "anon, what are you talking about?" > she explains that i never bullied her or anyone really, and actually it turns out everyone bullied me > f------ pardon > mfw i find out i was actually bullied
: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)16:53:53 No.878899946 > be me, early 20s autistic woman > was a huge d--- when i was younger, used to bully other kids bc i didn't understand boundaries or social cues > go back to hometown for high school friend's party 8 KB PNG > girl i went to school with when i was 10 is there > she approaches > fuckfuckfuckfuck > "hey anon! it's great to run into you, how are you?" > she's acting normal but i definitely remember bullying her and i am again autistic so inside i am FREAKING out > we talk for a bit while i get progressively drunker > nowornever.jpg > "i just wanted to apologise for bullying you when we were younger. there's no excuse but i was really struggling and i took it out on you. I'm sorry." > patting myself on the back, 10/10 speech, didn't even f--- it up > she looks at me like i'm insane > "anon, what are you talking about?" > she explains that i never bullied her or anyone really, and actually it turns out everyone bullied me > f------ pardon > mfw i find out i was actually bullied

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