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Anon teaches his office | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 775720450 704.8 kB JPG 1 min ago >be me >dispatch manager for a small company >bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept >start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general s--- from 4chan/reddit to see if they get it >kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to one the kids screaming yeet as I do it >boss takes one look at me and says "looks like you've got a case of updog" >one of the kids replies "what's up dog?" >MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office REPLY
Anonymous | 775720450 704.8 kB JPG 1 min ago >be me >dispatch manager for a small company >bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept >start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general s--- from 4chan/reddit to see if they get it >kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to one the kids screaming yeet as I do it >boss takes one look at me and says "looks like you've got a case of updog" >one of the kids replies "what's up dog?" >MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office REPLY

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Anon enjoys European fashion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:02:40 No.879047076 >be me, at work, pre-covid >some co-workers in the coffee room are talking about where to find good clothes ffect I see. 64 KB JPG >one of them is both a giant and obese, complains that the Big And Tall shops don't have s--- that's good quality and in business casual >someone pulls me into the conversation and asks me where I get mine >time to gloat >mention that I actually bought my whole current wardrobe from a trip to Europe a year ago >I found some shop that had nice, neat and interesting clothing, good quality, reasonable price, and in my exact size >pull the tag of my coat over to show them the 164 on the label >I admit I genuinely don't know how European sizing works, but I tried on a pair of jeans in 164 and they were perfect >they don't vanity size or carter to landwhales there, it's possible to find great and stylish clothes in people- sizes >ended up finding so much cool and perfectly fitting stuff that I just bought a whole wardrobe >left all of the clothes I had brought from back home to the hotel "They're kids' clothes." >the mean 7/10 goth from accounting, who wasn't even involved in the conversation, holds her phone up to show what she's been quietly googling "European kids' sizes go by height in centimetres. 164 cm, about 5'5. You're wearing clothes meant for a 14- year-old." >and from that day onward nobody ever f------ let me live that down
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:02:40 No.879047076 >be me, at work, pre-covid >some co-workers in the coffee room are talking about where to find good clothes ffect I see. 64 KB JPG >one of them is both a giant and obese, complains that the Big And Tall shops don't have s--- that's good quality and in business casual >someone pulls me into the conversation and asks me where I get mine >time to gloat >mention that I actually bought my whole current wardrobe from a trip to Europe a year ago >I found some shop that had nice, neat and interesting clothing, good quality, reasonable price, and in my exact size >pull the tag of my coat over to show them the 164 on the label >I admit I genuinely don't know how European sizing works, but I tried on a pair of jeans in 164 and they were perfect >they don't vanity size or carter to landwhales there, it's possible to find great and stylish clothes in people- sizes >ended up finding so much cool and perfectly fitting stuff that I just bought a whole wardrobe >left all of the clothes I had brought from back home to the hotel "They're kids' clothes." >the mean 7/10 goth from accounting, who wasn't even involved in the conversation, holds her phone up to show what she's been quietly googling "European kids' sizes go by height in centimetres. 164 cm, about 5'5. You're wearing clothes meant for a 14- year-old." >and from that day onward nobody ever f------ let me live that down

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why does anon hear boss music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 05/28/22(Sat) 22:57:16 No.879046828 >finish a 10/10 video game >credits screen interrupted by the true final phase of the boss fight
: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 05/28/22(Sat) 22:57:16 No.879046828 >finish a 10/10 video game >credits screen interrupted by the true final phase of the boss fight

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anon has insomnia | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:31:05 No.879030484 >have insomnia >stay up for 32 hours >watch hours and hours of Australian youtubers >coldones, ididathing, gmanlives, stimpee etc 316 KB PNG >go to the store to get lunch at the deli counter >everyone I hear sounds Australian >start freaking out a little >walk up to deli counter >order and the whole time guy sounds Australian to me >start to have a panic attack >go home and sleep >dream in Australian accents After doing some research this is apparently an auditory hallucination from lack of sleep. Still f------ weird.
: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:31:05 No.879030484 >have insomnia >stay up for 32 hours >watch hours and hours of Australian youtubers >coldones, ididathing, gmanlives, stimpee etc 316 KB PNG >go to the store to get lunch at the deli counter >everyone I hear sounds Australian >start freaking out a little >walk up to deli counter >order and the whole time guy sounds Australian to me >start to have a panic attack >go home and sleep >dream in Australian accents After doing some research this is apparently an auditory hallucination from lack of sleep. Still f------ weird.

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Anon places a McDonalds Order | /r/Greentext

Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNier" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry 23 KB JPG > do mobile order and decide to pick up > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNI ER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >'n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out
Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNier" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry 23 KB JPG > do mobile order and decide to pick up > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNI ER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >'n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out

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Anon says faggot on reddit | /r/Greentext

4chan >Call someone a f----- >At worst they call you a f----- back >That's that 3 KB PNG Reddit >Call someone a f----- >"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my grandfather was a leather daddy in the 50s and he had AIDS and that's ok and multiculturalism is great and I love b--------- and... Etc >You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our d---- to come back Redditors can't even handle entry-level banter, they're like the preschoolers of the internet.
4chan >Call someone a f----- >At worst they call you a f----- back >That's that 3 KB PNG Reddit >Call someone a f----- >"I thought that in this day and age we wouldn't have to deal with homophobia my grandfather was a leather daddy in the 50s and he had AIDS and that's ok and multiculturalism is great and I love b--------- and... Etc >You have been banned fro r/whatever please suck our d---- to come back Redditors can't even handle entry-level banter, they're like the preschoolers of the internet.

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Kissing cousin | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)19:14:21 No.68820108 >be me >have retarded bimbo cousin come over >stay in my room as much as possible to avoid her, mostly studying or playing games 31 KB JPG >she comes in my room while im playing >"heyyyyyy anonnnnn, can i talk to your friends? theyd looove me" >she puts on my headphones and tries "seducing" (?) my friends >obviously doesnt work, so she becomes super hostile >"you fat f----, total losers", spewing random insults at them >one of them replies back "anon called you a burden" >she begins crying and screaming at me, goes to complain to her mother How the f--- do people like her exist? I'm ashamed to be related to her. I feel bad I let my friends listen to her b-------
: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)19:14:21 No.68820108 >be me >have retarded bimbo cousin come over >stay in my room as much as possible to avoid her, mostly studying or playing games 31 KB JPG >she comes in my room while im playing >"heyyyyyy anonnnnn, can i talk to your friends? theyd looove me" >she puts on my headphones and tries "seducing" (?) my friends >obviously doesnt work, so she becomes super hostile >"you fat f----, total losers", spewing random insults at them >one of them replies back "anon called you a burden" >she begins crying and screaming at me, goes to complain to her mother How the f--- do people like her exist? I'm ashamed to be related to her. I feel bad I let my friends listen to her b-------

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Anon is in school | /r/Greentext

MY SIDES Let me tell you a story Anons that happened a little while ago. 47 KB JPG >be in school >school is in québec >liberal as f--- >inb4 québecfag >f------ deal with it >class is discussing multiverse theory >teacher is an annoying leftie hippie >try my best to ignore them and read my book >teacher mentions "if the mutliverse theory is true, there's an universe where hitler is right". >immediately say out loud "well duh it's this one". >whole class gets silent >look at me
MY SIDES Let me tell you a story Anons that happened a little while ago. 47 KB JPG >be in school >school is in québec >liberal as f--- >inb4 québecfag >f------ deal with it >class is discussing multiverse theory >teacher is an annoying leftie hippie >try my best to ignore them and read my book >teacher mentions "if the mutliverse theory is true, there's an universe where hitler is right". >immediately say out loud "well duh it's this one". >whole class gets silent >look at me

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Anon has a pet hamster | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/28/18(Sun)16:05:52 No.758222406 My autism peaked today >be me WHY DO I GO THIS TO MYSELF >spent all of last year losing weight and getting into shape >actually manage to somehow make myself look like a decent 953 KB GIF human being >cute girl from my lectures who I occasionally speak to asks me if i want to go to gym with her >i dont even see her as a possible partner coz she's way hotter than me >tell her to meet me there at 1 >she shows up a few minutes before i do >we talked a lot in the gym but still not sure if it was flirty or not but she touched/stroked my arm 13 times (i counted) one time it was longed than 8 Mississippis >we do some weights but mostly work on core muscles >she's in pretty great shape >after we finish i say "I really should have done cardio today" >she says "well you can always come back to my flat for that" >"why, do you have a treadmill there or something"...yes i said this >she says "no" with a smirk AND a wink >THIS DIDN'T REGISTER WITH ME >"hahaha why would I come over then, besides I have to get home and feed my hamster" >she looks at me weirdly like "really?" >I don't even realize what I've done till I was speaking to a friend about it >tfw when i turned down possible sex with a 8/10 girl to go feed my fat f------ hamster I think i still have a shot though. We are still texting and plan to go to gym again soon.
Anonymous 01/28/18(Sun)16:05:52 No.758222406 My autism peaked today >be me WHY DO I GO THIS TO MYSELF >spent all of last year losing weight and getting into shape >actually manage to somehow make myself look like a decent 953 KB GIF human being >cute girl from my lectures who I occasionally speak to asks me if i want to go to gym with her >i dont even see her as a possible partner coz she's way hotter than me >tell her to meet me there at 1 >she shows up a few minutes before i do >we talked a lot in the gym but still not sure if it was flirty or not but she touched/stroked my arm 13 times (i counted) one time it was longed than 8 Mississippis >we do some weights but mostly work on core muscles >she's in pretty great shape >after we finish i say "I really should have done cardio today" >she says "well you can always come back to my flat for that" >"why, do you have a treadmill there or something"...yes i said this >she says "no" with a smirk AND a wink >THIS DIDN'T REGISTER WITH ME >"hahaha why would I come over then, besides I have to get home and feed my hamster" >she looks at me weirdly like "really?" >I don't even realize what I've done till I was speaking to a friend about it >tfw when i turned down possible sex with a 8/10 girl to go feed my fat f------ hamster I think i still have a shot though. We are still texting and plan to go to gym again soon.

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anon is a degen | /r/Greentext

05/28/22(Sat) 18:21:37 No.68814726 m : Anonymous 1570526791034.gif 163 KB GIF >neet who never worked >won 20k gambling like a degenerate in an online crypto casino >cashed out and blocked all websites so I never gamble again >won against the eternal jew Just bought some stupid normie Iphone 13 and some fresh nike sneakers. Eat s--- poorfags, got rewarded for being a degenerate
05/28/22(Sat) 18:21:37 No.68814726 m : Anonymous 1570526791034.gif 163 KB GIF >neet who never worked >won 20k gambling like a degenerate in an online crypto casino >cashed out and blocked all websites so I never gamble again >won against the eternal jew Just bought some stupid normie Iphone 13 and some fresh nike sneakers. Eat s--- poorfags, got rewarded for being a degenerate

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Precious deer | /r/Greentext

File: 1635198163262.webm (2.73 MB, 576x850) Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)00:02:37 No.64082964 ► >>64082979 >>64082998 >>64083012 >>64083034 >>64083052 >>64083067 >>64083068 >>64083074 >>64083075 >>64083084 >>64083089 >>64083105 >>64083112 >>64083220 >>64083249 >>64083352 >>64083353 >>64083393 >>64083411 >>64083465 >>64083480 >>64083488 >>64083510 >>64083549 >>64083619 >>64083706 >>64083801 >>64083840 >>64083872 >>64083925 >>64083943 >>64084175 >>64084507 >>64084932 >>64085155 >>64086307 >>64087599 >>64087622 >>64088398 >>64088727 >>64088741 >>64089447 >>64089967 >>64090258 >>64091282 >>64091716 >anon, why do you only have proteins and dairy in your fridge? I want to make us pancakes! what's the correct response here Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)00:03:28 No.64082981 ► >>64083175 >>64085197 who the f--- are you and why are you in my kitchen Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)00:04:38 No.64082998 ▶ >>64083093 >>64083175 >>64083889 >>64083943 >>64085532 >>64085709 >>64086141 >>64087513 >>64087683 >>64088320 >>64082964 (OP) My therapist says you are not real
File: 1635198163262.webm (2.73 MB, 576x850) Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)00:02:37 No.64082964 ► >>64082979 >>64082998 >>64083012 >>64083034 >>64083052 >>64083067 >>64083068 >>64083074 >>64083075 >>64083084 >>64083089 >>64083105 >>64083112 >>64083220 >>64083249 >>64083352 >>64083353 >>64083393 >>64083411 >>64083465 >>64083480 >>64083488 >>64083510 >>64083549 >>64083619 >>64083706 >>64083801 >>64083840 >>64083872 >>64083925 >>64083943 >>64084175 >>64084507 >>64084932 >>64085155 >>64086307 >>64087599 >>64087622 >>64088398 >>64088727 >>64088741 >>64089447 >>64089967 >>64090258 >>64091282 >>64091716 >anon, why do you only have proteins and dairy in your fridge? I want to make us pancakes! what's the correct response here Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)00:03:28 No.64082981 ► >>64083175 >>64085197 who the f--- are you and why are you in my kitchen Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)00:04:38 No.64082998 ▶ >>64083093 >>64083175 >>64083889 >>64083943 >>64085532 >>64085709 >>64086141 >>64087513 >>64087683 >>64088320 >>64082964 (OP) My therapist says you are not real

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Anon is buying a new pc | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:12:03 No.600403702 >new pc arrives sometime next week >have had this one since 2015 >been a good run, it's not broken or anything just getting old and can't keep up 21 KB JPG >today out of the blue starts acting up, being super slow and s---, task manager not responding tier b------- I think my computer knows it's being replaced and is throwing a tantrum. Should I feel bad for it? We've seen each other naked many times after all
: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:12:03 No.600403702 >new pc arrives sometime next week >have had this one since 2015 >been a good run, it's not broken or anything just getting old and can't keep up 21 KB JPG >today out of the blue starts acting up, being super slow and s---, task manager not responding tier b------- I think my computer knows it's being replaced and is throwing a tantrum. Should I feel bad for it? We've seen each other naked many times after all

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Anon dropped the N word | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Thanksgiving dinner with the family >F--- yeah food >These potatoes are f------ drier than a nun's p---- >"Oi mom. Can ya pass the salt?" >As she hands me the salt my brain goes f------ spaghetti >"Thanks n----" >Whole table stops what they're doing and look at me >I just called my mom n---- >Nobody talks to me for the rest of the day. >Pic unrelated
>Be me >Thanksgiving dinner with the family >F--- yeah food >These potatoes are f------ drier than a nun's p---- >"Oi mom. Can ya pass the salt?" >As she hands me the salt my brain goes f------ spaghetti >"Thanks n----" >Whole table stops what they're doing and look at me >I just called my mom n---- >Nobody talks to me for the rest of the day. >Pic unrelated

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Anon is sad to see Elves suffer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/23/21 (Fri)07:09:44 No.63346436 File: marcille.jpg (194 KB, 953x954) >live a long, happy life with your elven wife >she was 200 when you met her >she's 260 now >looks the same as the day you met >be human >die >elf wife suffers and mourns you for hundreds of years alone That's f------ why.
Anonymous 04/23/21 (Fri)07:09:44 No.63346436 File: marcille.jpg (194 KB, 953x954) >live a long, happy life with your elven wife >she was 200 when you met her >she's 260 now >looks the same as the day you met >be human >die >elf wife suffers and mourns you for hundreds of years alone That's f------ why.

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anon defends islam | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: e9PJOWFS) 144 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: oeW3wB9D) Anonymous (ID: oeW3wB9D) Anonymous (ID: H6GVbDan) ISLAM 06/06/17(Tue)05:31:26 No.128711961 Teacher told me to make anti racist poster. Any advice/suggestion ? 06/06/17 (Tue)05:32:58 No.128712049 06/06/17(Tue)05:33:36 No.128712076 06/06/17(Tue)05:34:17 No.128712111 MEANS D ⒸBOSCH FAWSTIN >>128711961 (OP) 25 KB JPG
Anonymous (ID: e9PJOWFS) 144 KB JPG Anonymous (ID: oeW3wB9D) Anonymous (ID: oeW3wB9D) Anonymous (ID: H6GVbDan) ISLAM 06/06/17(Tue)05:31:26 No.128711961 Teacher told me to make anti racist poster. Any advice/suggestion ? 06/06/17 (Tue)05:32:58 No.128712049 06/06/17(Tue)05:33:36 No.128712076 06/06/17(Tue)05:34:17 No.128712111 MEANS D ⒸBOSCH FAWSTIN >>128711961 (OP) 25 KB JPG

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Anon learns to love history | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/19(Thu)13:22:26 No.793824259 True Story >Be me in middle school. >Around 10 or 11. >Assassin's Creed 2 comes out. >My favorite game growing up. >Always thought Ezio was the coolest since I was a social 165 KB JPG outcast that was bullied. >Wanted to be strong and cool like him. >Anyways, we're learning about European history in my history class. >My state holds an educational assessment for all students to take. >Playing Assassin's Creed and this game sparks my love for history. >Reading books, articles online, etc. >Just filling my head with all this info. >Day of the assessment and I'm breezing through it. >Month or two later and we get our results back. >Teacher tells the class, "Only one person got a perfect score on this test in the whole school." >Kids say, "Who? WHO?!" Teacher makes a long pause, looks at me, and says, "It's Anon." >Everybody in the class was shocked. >Where my love for history started. Thanks, Ezio.
: Anonymous 02/28/19(Thu)13:22:26 No.793824259 True Story >Be me in middle school. >Around 10 or 11. >Assassin's Creed 2 comes out. >My favorite game growing up. >Always thought Ezio was the coolest since I was a social 165 KB JPG outcast that was bullied. >Wanted to be strong and cool like him. >Anyways, we're learning about European history in my history class. >My state holds an educational assessment for all students to take. >Playing Assassin's Creed and this game sparks my love for history. >Reading books, articles online, etc. >Just filling my head with all this info. >Day of the assessment and I'm breezing through it. >Month or two later and we get our results back. >Teacher tells the class, "Only one person got a perfect score on this test in the whole school." >Kids say, "Who? WHO?!" Teacher makes a long pause, looks at me, and says, "It's Anon." >Everybody in the class was shocked. >Where my love for history started. Thanks, Ezio.

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Anon smiles and gets placed in Spec Ed | /r/Greentext

Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a problem, put a smile face 100 KB JPG >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week
Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a problem, put a smile face 100 KB JPG >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week

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Anon is financially responsible | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD) 8 KB PNG >>301406177# 01/09/21 (Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a good think
Anonymous (ID: XKa6xbyD) 8 KB PNG >>301406177# 01/09/21 (Sat)01:40:35 No.301405702 >>301404743 (OP) # >why yes, i spend 20% of my allowance on reddit gold awards to let people know that they did a good think

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Room mate problems | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: NABivcoz 05/07/20(Thu)16:51:36 No.256576962 file.png 1.6 MB PNG Help how do I stop my jewish room mate from doing this?
: Anonymous (ID: NABivcoz 05/07/20(Thu)16:51:36 No.256576962 file.png 1.6 MB PNG Help how do I stop my jewish room mate from doing this?

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Anon meets an artist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat) 15:11:04 No.879009668 >Be me >Always noticed this one girl. Gave weird vibes >Like 5'1 looked exactly like pic attached >Don't even think i've heard her speak before >Get paired with her because of group work >Oh no >It's for an entire semester >Got to know her because i'm as much of a loser as she was. Surprisingly nice? >Incoming potential goth gf >She tells me to follow her twitter account >Oh no x2 >It's actually just her art. Nevermind >One day scrolling through her posts. It's filled with weeb s--- but it doesn't look bad >See link to a reddit profile >Hesitated clicking it. Something something gut feeling, don't check it out you'll probably regret it >F--- it, i'm in for a surprise. >Expecting onlyfans ads because of nsfw profile >It's not >What the f--- >It's all shota and g--- >She drew all of them I don't know how to feel anymore. Is she based or should i just gun myself. I thought i could finally get the short goth gf of my dreams >>879009743 >>879009797 >>879009889 >>879010479
Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat) 15:11:04 No.879009668 >Be me >Always noticed this one girl. Gave weird vibes >Like 5'1 looked exactly like pic attached >Don't even think i've heard her speak before >Get paired with her because of group work >Oh no >It's for an entire semester >Got to know her because i'm as much of a loser as she was. Surprisingly nice? >Incoming potential goth gf >She tells me to follow her twitter account >Oh no x2 >It's actually just her art. Nevermind >One day scrolling through her posts. It's filled with weeb s--- but it doesn't look bad >See link to a reddit profile >Hesitated clicking it. Something something gut feeling, don't check it out you'll probably regret it >F--- it, i'm in for a surprise. >Expecting onlyfans ads because of nsfw profile >It's not >What the f--- >It's all shota and g--- >She drew all of them I don't know how to feel anymore. Is she based or should i just gun myself. I thought i could finally get the short goth gf of my dreams >>879009743 >>879009797 >>879009889 >>879010479

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