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Demonic OP | /r/Greentext

1018611.jpg) Anonymous (ID: jR83qLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.40 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floo 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
1018611.jpg) Anonymous (ID: jR83qLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.40 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floo 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.

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Hit the weak point for massive damage | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)08:10:38 No.68826433 >be 6 feet 4 inches >go to gym everyday >210 lbs of lean muscle >several times stronger than the average woman 19 KB JPG >average woman could still take me out with one light kick to my balls It freaks me out anons. Why did God give men such an exploitable weakness? No matter how strong I get, a 100 pound woman can beat me with one hit.
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)08:10:38 No.68826433 >be 6 feet 4 inches >go to gym everyday >210 lbs of lean muscle >several times stronger than the average woman 19 KB JPG >average woman could still take me out with one light kick to my balls It freaks me out anons. Why did God give men such an exploitable weakness? No matter how strong I get, a 100 pound woman can beat me with one hit.

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Debtor's prison | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 206 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)07:23:16 No.68826077 >neet autist >no one called or text me in 10 years >get into debt and dont pay it off >now people call me 10 times a day I made it bros...
: Anonymous 206 KB JPG 05/29/22(Sun)07:23:16 No.68826077 >neet autist >no one called or text me in 10 years >get into debt and dont pay it off >now people call me 10 times a day I made it bros...

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Family Feud seen by /tv/ | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue) 20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end
family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue) 20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says..." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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Anon don't understand | /r/Greentext

Are you ready for the movie? 03/30/22(Wed)09:24:55 No.593799271 LEVEL IN THEATRES AND APRIL 8 189 KB JPG : Anonymous >>593799169 (OP) # how the f--- can you be "ready" for a f------ movie do I have 10 bucks? yes is that what your ass is asking?
Are you ready for the movie? 03/30/22(Wed)09:24:55 No.593799271 LEVEL IN THEATRES AND APRIL 8 189 KB JPG : Anonymous >>593799169 (OP) # how the f--- can you be "ready" for a f------ movie do I have 10 bucks? yes is that what your ass is asking?

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anons gf uplifts him | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)17:13:33 No.68827301 >gf praises me for being smart >I flunked out of art school while she has a master's degree >gf tells me I am so tall >I am 5'7", she is 5'6" 1.01 MB PNG >gf tells me I am a natural leader >I am shy and quiet >gf wishes she was athletic like me >I am a shut nerd What is she doing? I don't understand what she wants. : Anonymous >>68827301 (OP) # >my gf is being nice to me >what is her endgame? 05/29/22(Sun)17:41:01 No.68827552
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)17:13:33 No.68827301 >gf praises me for being smart >I flunked out of art school while she has a master's degree >gf tells me I am so tall >I am 5'7", she is 5'6" 1.01 MB PNG >gf tells me I am a natural leader >I am shy and quiet >gf wishes she was athletic like me >I am a shut nerd What is she doing? I don't understand what she wants. : Anonymous >>68827301 (OP) # >my gf is being nice to me >what is her endgame? 05/29/22(Sun)17:41:01 No.68827552

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Anon gets a divorce | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11 hours ago 769969141 Sorry I suck at Greentext. >Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath. >Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she's always running out. >Get a nanny cam that's hidden in a lamp. Get video of her f------ around. >Find out everything I can about the guy she's f------. >lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold of his resume. >Rework it so it's not retarded, impersonate him, and get him an interview at a studio 2 states away. Dream job, if you're a f--. >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy b------- ghosts my wife. >Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my truck in a lockbox. Put away $10k. >It's time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone and turn off alarms on days that the coin I flip turns up heads. >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them f------. Next to that is a copy of the divorce petition. 10 REPLIES
Anonymous 11 hours ago 769969141 Sorry I suck at Greentext. >Catch my now ex-wife cheating on me. >Pretend nothing is wrong but turn into a manipulative sociopath. >Break gas gauge in her car. Siphon gas out randomly so she's always running out. >Get a nanny cam that's hidden in a lamp. Get video of her f------ around. >Find out everything I can about the guy she's f------. >lol dance instructor. >Find out he's looking for work, get ahold of his resume. >Rework it so it's not retarded, impersonate him, and get him an interview at a studio 2 states away. Dream job, if you're a f--. >He bites. Takes the job and after some mushy b------- ghosts my wife. >Meanwhile I start siphoning money out of our accounts slowly and keep the cash hidden away in my truck in a lockbox. Put away $10k. >It's time. >Wait for her to be dead asleep, unlock her phone and turn off alarms on days that the coin I flip turns up heads. >She gets fired. Calls me bawling her eyes out. >When she gets home my wedding ring is on the table with her laptop playing the video of them f------. Next to that is a copy of the divorce petition. 10 REPLIES

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Anon asks for a source | /r/Greentext

05/15/22(Sun)05:34:18 No.68631152 >arguing with some f-- on reddit about how pitbulls are s----- dogs >claims chihuahuas kill twice as many people >sends the number of people who died in chihuahua, mexico
05/15/22(Sun)05:34:18 No.68631152 >arguing with some f-- on reddit about how pitbulls are s----- dogs >claims chihuahuas kill twice as many people >sends the number of people who died in chihuahua, mexico

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Anons neighbor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)11:57:42 No.879082417 >upstairs neighbor never shuts the f--- up >always stomping and playing Led Zeppelin at all times >probably just autistic 77 KB JPG >come home one day to my bathroom ceiling leaking s--- ton of water >smells awful >p----- so I go upstairs >knock like 10 times >no answer >figured he probably knows and isn't answering, or he's just not home >go back to apartment >see ambulance pull up >they rush in and go upstairs and break his door >Mfw he died in the shower and it was on all day leaking >Mfw I smelled his corpse >sometimes I play Led Zeppelin and stomp around to honor him and piss off my downstairs neighbor Felt weird that night going to bed in complete silence, but rip to him I guess.
Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)11:57:42 No.879082417 >upstairs neighbor never shuts the f--- up >always stomping and playing Led Zeppelin at all times >probably just autistic 77 KB JPG >come home one day to my bathroom ceiling leaking s--- ton of water >smells awful >p----- so I go upstairs >knock like 10 times >no answer >figured he probably knows and isn't answering, or he's just not home >go back to apartment >see ambulance pull up >they rush in and go upstairs and break his door >Mfw he died in the shower and it was on all day leaking >Mfw I smelled his corpse >sometimes I play Led Zeppelin and stomp around to honor him and piss off my downstairs neighbor Felt weird that night going to bed in complete silence, but rip to him I guess.

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Anons best friend has marriage problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)12:37:26 No.879081753 >Best friend married a woman who's basically the Down syndrome girl from family guy >she's 6ft even and about 280- 300pounds hes 5'4 and 130lbs >Refuses to work constantly complains that every job is too hard 27 KB JPG >expects him to provide for her 100% on his meager bar tender wages&tips >fat bitch makes him buy her "princess dresses" that she wears even when grocery shopping >she constantly starts s--- with my wife when she sees her anywhere >have heard her beat the s--- out of his 5ft4 ass over party chat on PlayStation cause he won't give her the d--- >poor bastard never has any spare cash for himself always bitches that me and other friends waste money on "frivolities" >me and some friends finally went off on him about how bad that bitch treats him >he knows, but can't bring himself to do anything about it >get a call from his brother couple days later >my best friend is hospitalized >apparently he tried to finally put his foot down and told her to get a job or get out >she attacked him with a cast iron skillet >busted up his collar bone >she's trying to claim she acted in self defense >cops didn't buy it, they've been called about her before >apparently she's beaten the s--- out of him in the hallway of the building they live in,threatened neighbors kids,etc >he's applying for divorce >not worried about losing half his s--- since everything he really cared about she made him give away after getting married to her >at least he'll be free of the hambeast
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)12:37:26 No.879081753 >Best friend married a woman who's basically the Down syndrome girl from family guy >she's 6ft even and about 280- 300pounds hes 5'4 and 130lbs >Refuses to work constantly complains that every job is too hard 27 KB JPG >expects him to provide for her 100% on his meager bar tender wages&tips >fat bitch makes him buy her "princess dresses" that she wears even when grocery shopping >she constantly starts s--- with my wife when she sees her anywhere >have heard her beat the s--- out of his 5ft4 ass over party chat on PlayStation cause he won't give her the d--- >poor bastard never has any spare cash for himself always bitches that me and other friends waste money on "frivolities" >me and some friends finally went off on him about how bad that bitch treats him >he knows, but can't bring himself to do anything about it >get a call from his brother couple days later >my best friend is hospitalized >apparently he tried to finally put his foot down and told her to get a job or get out >she attacked him with a cast iron skillet >busted up his collar bone >she's trying to claim she acted in self defense >cops didn't buy it, they've been called about her before >apparently she's beaten the s--- out of him in the hallway of the building they live in,threatened neighbors kids,etc >he's applying for divorce >not worried about losing half his s--- since everything he really cared about she made him give away after getting married to her >at least he'll be free of the hambeast

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Juanon.... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)13:08:51 No.50459642 HOLA PRIMO >school cafeteria >it's Mexican day >rice beans, tortillas, carne asada, s--- like that >this s--- is my jam, green chile on everything 129 KB PNG >tall white dude comes up to my s--- ass >"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how." >"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure." >neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him >"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out." >"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude." >"No problem."
: Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)13:08:51 No.50459642 HOLA PRIMO >school cafeteria >it's Mexican day >rice beans, tortillas, carne asada, s--- like that >this s--- is my jam, green chile on everything 129 KB PNG >tall white dude comes up to my s--- ass >"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how." >"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure." >neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him >"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out." >"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude." >"No problem."

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Anon has a lucid dream | /r/Greentext

63 KB JPG >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up
63 KB JPG >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up

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Anon tells it how it is | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 When did south park stop being cool? 25 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 # No.168747534
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 When did south park stop being cool? 25 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 # No.168747534

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Anon does a heist... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 18AVUT6+) 06/01/14(Sun)23:11:58 No.549162040 549162163 >be 12 >want to order pay per view p--- >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the p--- >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse if you wanna pull a big heist, you gotta take a small hit
Anonymous (ID: 18AVUT6+) 06/01/14(Sun)23:11:58 No.549162040 549162163 >be 12 >want to order pay per view p--- >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the p--- >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse if you wanna pull a big heist, you gotta take a small hit

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anon does ketamine | /r/Greentext

>be me >be 13 yo >starts doing vape because its cool >one day a guy from my school brings "magic liquid" >says its like joints for vape >says it has THC 67 KB JPG >starts doing "magic liquid" >not every day but almost every week >eventually smoke joints >its not like "magic liquid" but I assume its because its on a vape ~fast-forward 6 years >smoking joints all weeks >really likes it >on a party, found the "magic liquid" guy >mfw he says to me that it wasnt THC >mfw he says that it was ketamine
>be me >be 13 yo >starts doing vape because its cool >one day a guy from my school brings "magic liquid" >says its like joints for vape >says it has THC 67 KB JPG >starts doing "magic liquid" >not every day but almost every week >eventually smoke joints >its not like "magic liquid" but I assume its because its on a vape ~fast-forward 6 years >smoking joints all weeks >really likes it >on a party, found the "magic liquid" guy >mfw he says to me that it wasnt THC >mfw he says that it was ketamine

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Anon messed up | /r/Greentext


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Anon is paranoid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 410 KB JPG 01/01/22(Sat)11:45:42 >asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage >ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties I'm starting to think she's not asexual No.66801635
: Anonymous 410 KB JPG 01/01/22(Sat)11:45:42 >asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage >ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties I'm starting to think she's not asexual No.66801635

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Anon cleans his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG

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We cry together | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous FRAGIL 50 KB JPG 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing
: Anonymous FRAGIL 50 KB JPG 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing

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Oh my pet! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed
Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed

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