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Anon asks for a source | /r/Greentext

05/15/22(Sun)05:34:18 No.68631152 >arguing with some f-- on reddit about how pitbulls are s----- dogs >claims chihuahuas kill twice as many people >sends the number of people who died in chihuahua, mexico
05/15/22(Sun)05:34:18 No.68631152 >arguing with some f-- on reddit about how pitbulls are s----- dogs >claims chihuahuas kill twice as many people >sends the number of people who died in chihuahua, mexico

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Anons neighbor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)11:57:42 No.879082417 >upstairs neighbor never shuts the f--- up >always stomping and playing Led Zeppelin at all times >probably just autistic 77 KB JPG >come home one day to my bathroom ceiling leaking s--- ton of water >smells awful >p----- so I go upstairs >knock like 10 times >no answer >figured he probably knows and isn't answering, or he's just not home >go back to apartment >see ambulance pull up >they rush in and go upstairs and break his door >Mfw he died in the shower and it was on all day leaking >Mfw I smelled his corpse >sometimes I play Led Zeppelin and stomp around to honor him and piss off my downstairs neighbor Felt weird that night going to bed in complete silence, but rip to him I guess.
Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)11:57:42 No.879082417 >upstairs neighbor never shuts the f--- up >always stomping and playing Led Zeppelin at all times >probably just autistic 77 KB JPG >come home one day to my bathroom ceiling leaking s--- ton of water >smells awful >p----- so I go upstairs >knock like 10 times >no answer >figured he probably knows and isn't answering, or he's just not home >go back to apartment >see ambulance pull up >they rush in and go upstairs and break his door >Mfw he died in the shower and it was on all day leaking >Mfw I smelled his corpse >sometimes I play Led Zeppelin and stomp around to honor him and piss off my downstairs neighbor Felt weird that night going to bed in complete silence, but rip to him I guess.

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Anons best friend has marriage problem | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)12:37:26 No.879081753 >Best friend married a woman who's basically the Down syndrome girl from family guy >she's 6ft even and about 280- 300pounds hes 5'4 and 130lbs >Refuses to work constantly complains that every job is too hard 27 KB JPG >expects him to provide for her 100% on his meager bar tender wages&tips >fat bitch makes him buy her "princess dresses" that she wears even when grocery shopping >she constantly starts s--- with my wife when she sees her anywhere >have heard her beat the s--- out of his 5ft4 ass over party chat on PlayStation cause he won't give her the d--- >poor bastard never has any spare cash for himself always bitches that me and other friends waste money on "frivolities" >me and some friends finally went off on him about how bad that bitch treats him >he knows, but can't bring himself to do anything about it >get a call from his brother couple days later >my best friend is hospitalized >apparently he tried to finally put his foot down and told her to get a job or get out >she attacked him with a cast iron skillet >busted up his collar bone >she's trying to claim she acted in self defense >cops didn't buy it, they've been called about her before >apparently she's beaten the s--- out of him in the hallway of the building they live in,threatened neighbors kids,etc >he's applying for divorce >not worried about losing half his s--- since everything he really cared about she made him give away after getting married to her >at least he'll be free of the hambeast
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)12:37:26 No.879081753 >Best friend married a woman who's basically the Down syndrome girl from family guy >she's 6ft even and about 280- 300pounds hes 5'4 and 130lbs >Refuses to work constantly complains that every job is too hard 27 KB JPG >expects him to provide for her 100% on his meager bar tender wages&tips >fat bitch makes him buy her "princess dresses" that she wears even when grocery shopping >she constantly starts s--- with my wife when she sees her anywhere >have heard her beat the s--- out of his 5ft4 ass over party chat on PlayStation cause he won't give her the d--- >poor bastard never has any spare cash for himself always bitches that me and other friends waste money on "frivolities" >me and some friends finally went off on him about how bad that bitch treats him >he knows, but can't bring himself to do anything about it >get a call from his brother couple days later >my best friend is hospitalized >apparently he tried to finally put his foot down and told her to get a job or get out >she attacked him with a cast iron skillet >busted up his collar bone >she's trying to claim she acted in self defense >cops didn't buy it, they've been called about her before >apparently she's beaten the s--- out of him in the hallway of the building they live in,threatened neighbors kids,etc >he's applying for divorce >not worried about losing half his s--- since everything he really cared about she made him give away after getting married to her >at least he'll be free of the hambeast

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Juanon.... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)13:08:51 No.50459642 HOLA PRIMO >school cafeteria >it's Mexican day >rice beans, tortillas, carne asada, s--- like that >this s--- is my jam, green chile on everything 129 KB PNG >tall white dude comes up to my s--- ass >"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how." >"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure." >neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him >"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out." >"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude." >"No problem."
: Anonymous 01/16/19(Wed)13:08:51 No.50459642 HOLA PRIMO >school cafeteria >it's Mexican day >rice beans, tortillas, carne asada, s--- like that >this s--- is my jam, green chile on everything 129 KB PNG >tall white dude comes up to my s--- ass >"Hey, anon. Could you roll my burrito for me? I don't know how." >"Hm? Oh, yeah, sure." >neatly portion out the proper amount of beans into each tort, tuck, and roll some nice burritos for him >"You have to tuck in the bottom like this so nothing spills out." >"Oh, cool. Thanks, dude." >"No problem."

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Anon has a lucid dream | /r/Greentext

63 KB JPG >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up
63 KB JPG >going to school >realise i forgot my bag >conclude the only explenation is that im in a dream >go into school bathroom and r--- a girl >dont wake up

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Anon tells it how it is | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 When did south park stop being cool? 25 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 # No.168747534
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:26:22 When did south park stop being cool? 25 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:27:17 No.168747561 >>168747534 (OP) # When the world's absurdity surpassed the show's >>168749262 # >>168750212 # >>168752046 # >>168752114 # >>168752168 # >>168752303 # >>168755825 # No.168747534

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Anon does a heist... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 18AVUT6+) 06/01/14(Sun)23:11:58 No.549162040 549162163 >be 12 >want to order pay per view p--- >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the p--- >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse if you wanna pull a big heist, you gotta take a small hit
Anonymous (ID: 18AVUT6+) 06/01/14(Sun)23:11:58 No.549162040 549162163 >be 12 >want to order pay per view p--- >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the p--- >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse if you wanna pull a big heist, you gotta take a small hit

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anon does ketamine | /r/Greentext

>be me >be 13 yo >starts doing vape because its cool >one day a guy from my school brings "magic liquid" >says its like joints for vape >says it has THC 67 KB JPG >starts doing "magic liquid" >not every day but almost every week >eventually smoke joints >its not like "magic liquid" but I assume its because its on a vape ~fast-forward 6 years >smoking joints all weeks >really likes it >on a party, found the "magic liquid" guy >mfw he says to me that it wasnt THC >mfw he says that it was ketamine
>be me >be 13 yo >starts doing vape because its cool >one day a guy from my school brings "magic liquid" >says its like joints for vape >says it has THC 67 KB JPG >starts doing "magic liquid" >not every day but almost every week >eventually smoke joints >its not like "magic liquid" but I assume its because its on a vape ~fast-forward 6 years >smoking joints all weeks >really likes it >on a party, found the "magic liquid" guy >mfw he says to me that it wasnt THC >mfw he says that it was ketamine

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Anon messed up | /r/Greentext


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Anon is paranoid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 410 KB JPG 01/01/22(Sat)11:45:42 >asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage >ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties I'm starting to think she's not asexual No.66801635
: Anonymous 410 KB JPG 01/01/22(Sat)11:45:42 >asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage >ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties I'm starting to think she's not asexual No.66801635

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Anon cleans his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG

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We cry together | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous FRAGIL 50 KB JPG 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing
: Anonymous FRAGIL 50 KB JPG 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing

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Oh my pet! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed
Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed

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OP loves his mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)09:54:07 No.11260164 >my mom left school at 16 due to poverty >never showed much interest in books, music etc >retired last year >has since been reading 53 KB JPG through all the books I left in boxes at home >her enthusiasm for reading is so pure feel bad for not enjoying reading that much these days >she kept asking me if I was writing a book and said she could "never do that" >picked up the hint and encouraged her to give it a go, without getting my hopes up >tfw she sent me a story she wrote about two rabbits who become friends >tfw it made me cry and feels more honest than anything I've written How to cope with this feel bros? I love my mum so much.
Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)09:54:07 No.11260164 >my mom left school at 16 due to poverty >never showed much interest in books, music etc >retired last year >has since been reading 53 KB JPG through all the books I left in boxes at home >her enthusiasm for reading is so pure feel bad for not enjoying reading that much these days >she kept asking me if I was writing a book and said she could "never do that" >picked up the hint and encouraged her to give it a go, without getting my hopes up >tfw she sent me a story she wrote about two rabbits who become friends >tfw it made me cry and feels more honest than anything I've written How to cope with this feel bros? I love my mum so much.

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Maniacal porpoise | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cooooooooom > be me, 23 > f------ this older girl, she's around 30 > getbusycoomingorgetbusydying > suddenly she grabs my face and leans close bo neb > wispers 'come for mommy baby boy' > sit there frozen in complete shock > j--- the biggest load of my life Guys I am no longer attracted to girls my age, this bitch has given me a mommy fetish and ruined my life 03/23/21(Tue)08:07:07 No.62876647
: Anonymous Cooooooooom > be me, 23 > f------ this older girl, she's around 30 > getbusycoomingorgetbusydying > suddenly she grabs my face and leans close bo neb > wispers 'come for mommy baby boy' > sit there frozen in complete shock > j--- the biggest load of my life Guys I am no longer attracted to girls my age, this bitch has given me a mommy fetish and ruined my life 03/23/21(Tue)08:07:07 No.62876647

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Anon goes on a binge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/22(Sun)06:55:08 No.17877636 >monday >wife tells me she will stay a bit later at work on friday >I was craving McD for days at that point >start fasting in anteciaption for the no girls night >no girls night arrives >order 10 big macs, 20 mcnuggets, 4 chocolate pies, mcflurry, large coke >demolish everything while watching s--- on youtube >throw up in the toilet >feeling hungry again >order more food >baked rice, potatoes with bacon cheddar creamcheese, barbecue-style pork beef >destroy everything >pass out >wake up saturday 2pm >take a monster s--- >kinda hungry afterwards Zero regrets >>17877844 # >>17879306 # >>17880337 # >>17898876 #
: Anonymous 05/22/22(Sun)06:55:08 No.17877636 >monday >wife tells me she will stay a bit later at work on friday >I was craving McD for days at that point >start fasting in anteciaption for the no girls night >no girls night arrives >order 10 big macs, 20 mcnuggets, 4 chocolate pies, mcflurry, large coke >demolish everything while watching s--- on youtube >throw up in the toilet >feeling hungry again >order more food >baked rice, potatoes with bacon cheddar creamcheese, barbecue-style pork beef >destroy everything >pass out >wake up saturday 2pm >take a monster s--- >kinda hungry afterwards Zero regrets >>17877844 # >>17879306 # >>17880337 # >>17898876 #

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Anon gives an inspiring speach | /r/Greentext

A0CB3AE1-9A1D-47F7-909A-31498FCC18C0.png 240 KB PNG YOU WILL OWN THE LAND YOU WILL EAT THE ORGANIC FOOD YOU WILL SMOKE THE CIGARS YOU WILL F--- THE WIFE YOU WILL HAVE THE CHILDREN YOU WILL SPEAK THE TRUTH YOU WILL BREAK THE GLOBALISTS YOU WILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY AND YOULL BE HAPPY
A0CB3AE1-9A1D-47F7-909A-31498FCC18C0.png 240 KB PNG YOU WILL OWN THE LAND YOU WILL EAT THE ORGANIC FOOD YOU WILL SMOKE THE CIGARS YOU WILL F--- THE WIFE YOU WILL HAVE THE CHILDREN YOU WILL SPEAK THE TRUTH YOU WILL BREAK THE GLOBALISTS YOU WILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY AND YOULL BE HAPPY

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The Brazilian Shower | /r/Greentext

11/12/21(Fri) 19:12:09 No.347317927 Anonymous (ID: Vcl4rRji ) Engineering Marvels from your (...) The brazilian electric shower: >costs 10 dollars >very energy efficient >doesn't need a boiler >washes hundreds of millions of brazilians every single day with minimal casualties 435 KB PNG Firsties will cry about muh exposed wires but won't admit they have a literal gas bomb in their home constantly poisoning their family. Enjoy your expensive showers boileroids, electric chads win again.
11/12/21(Fri) 19:12:09 No.347317927 Anonymous (ID: Vcl4rRji ) Engineering Marvels from your (...) The brazilian electric shower: >costs 10 dollars >very energy efficient >doesn't need a boiler >washes hundreds of millions of brazilians every single day with minimal casualties 435 KB PNG Firsties will cry about muh exposed wires but won't admit they have a literal gas bomb in their home constantly poisoning their family. Enjoy your expensive showers boileroids, electric chads win again.

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Anon hates Burko | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)10:24:03 No.879071791 >Be me, Murican >Have an issue with a guy named Skeeter >Go to Walmart >Buy a gun >Shoot Skeeter 4 KB JPG >Go to jail >Blacked by n------ >Be me, Aussie >Have an issue with some c---, Burko >Go to buy a gun >Have to get license >Waiting period of 3 months >I wanna f----- kill Burko I hate that c--- >Go to the Dr for my alcohol damaged liver (which is free) >He gives me a referral to see a Psychologist >Get 10 free sessions >I see the c---, we talk about Burko and what I should do while I wait for my gun >3 months goes by >Talk over my issues with me old man and my ex missus >Don't hate Burko anymore >Get a new job and play sports Burko's still a c--- though Hmmmmmmm I wonder why we don't get any c---- killing kids in schools hmmmmm?
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)10:24:03 No.879071791 >Be me, Murican >Have an issue with a guy named Skeeter >Go to Walmart >Buy a gun >Shoot Skeeter 4 KB JPG >Go to jail >Blacked by n------ >Be me, Aussie >Have an issue with some c---, Burko >Go to buy a gun >Have to get license >Waiting period of 3 months >I wanna f----- kill Burko I hate that c--- >Go to the Dr for my alcohol damaged liver (which is free) >He gives me a referral to see a Psychologist >Get 10 free sessions >I see the c---, we talk about Burko and what I should do while I wait for my gun >3 months goes by >Talk over my issues with me old man and my ex missus >Don't hate Burko anymore >Get a new job and play sports Burko's still a c--- though Hmmmmmmm I wonder why we don't get any c---- killing kids in schools hmmmmm?

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Anon does not like PC gamers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers
: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers

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