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Anon is scientist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)14:36:16 No.2904482 >dad is shaving >'don't touch it anon, it is sharp, you will cut your finger¹ >dad leaves >is it true? must test hypothesis. >climb onto counter, test razor with finger >cut finger, ow f--- >hypothesis confirmed >one must suffer in pursuit of science
Anonymous 06/27/12(Wed)14:36:16 No.2904482 >dad is shaving >'don't touch it anon, it is sharp, you will cut your finger¹ >dad leaves >is it true? must test hypothesis. >climb onto counter, test razor with finger >cut finger, ow f--- >hypothesis confirmed >one must suffer in pursuit of science

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Yankees))) | /r/Greentext

>be today >be Australian >Woke up sick >Call work to let them know I can't come in 9 KB PNG >"Yeahnoworries.mate" >contact local GP >Appointment free and same day because subsidised social healthcare >Paid sick leave because strong labour movement that guarantees working rights >Now nobody at work will catch my cold. >Food for customers not contaminated by my cold. >Company doesn't lose money because my sick leave is government subsidised >All bills continue to be paid on time, my day is stress-free because I have time to relax and recover. Today is yet another day I'm glad I'm not an American.
>be today >be Australian >Woke up sick >Call work to let them know I can't come in 9 KB PNG >"Yeahnoworries.mate" >contact local GP >Appointment free and same day because subsidised social healthcare >Paid sick leave because strong labour movement that guarantees working rights >Now nobody at work will catch my cold. >Food for customers not contaminated by my cold. >Company doesn't lose money because my sick leave is government subsidised >All bills continue to be paid on time, my day is stress-free because I have time to relax and recover. Today is yet another day I'm glad I'm not an American.

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Anon is a degenerate | /r/Greentext

Post your favourite pokegirl and your job Post your favourite pokegirl a(...) I'll start: >Lillie >middle school teacher 63 KB JPG : Anonymous 809 KB PNG 12/20/ (Mon)12:51:18 No.4 12/20/21(Mon)12:52:15 No.49 >>49060224 (OP) #
Post your favourite pokegirl and your job Post your favourite pokegirl a(...) I'll start: >Lillie >middle school teacher 63 KB JPG : Anonymous 809 KB PNG 12/20/ (Mon)12:51:18 No.4 12/20/21(Mon)12:52:15 No.49 >>49060224 (OP) #

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he can’t keep getting away with it | /r/Greentext

random story time >ten years ago >be 16 >browsing p--- >find video that looks good >first time I saw a vid with Diamond Foxx >she kinda looks familiar but idk why prob because I saw her earlier in a video >her ass gets dicked hard >goodshit.png >j------- and have one helluva of a bust >fast forward a few hours >mom comes home >she was at the hairdresser (she has the exact same hairstyle for decades now) >realize Diamond Foxx's hairstyle was very similar in the vid >body wise she also looks similar to my mom >now thinking about it she looks quite a lot like my mom >never ever watch another Diamond Foxx video Anonymous 05/31/22(Tue)10:27:42 No.5856110 ► Do you want to have a seat and chat a bit, Anon?
random story time >ten years ago >be 16 >browsing p--- >find video that looks good >first time I saw a vid with Diamond Foxx >she kinda looks familiar but idk why prob because I saw her earlier in a video >her ass gets dicked hard >goodshit.png >j------- and have one helluva of a bust >fast forward a few hours >mom comes home >she was at the hairdresser (she has the exact same hairstyle for decades now) >realize Diamond Foxx's hairstyle was very similar in the vid >body wise she also looks similar to my mom >now thinking about it she looks quite a lot like my mom >never ever watch another Diamond Foxx video Anonymous 05/31/22(Tue)10:27:42 No.5856110 ► Do you want to have a seat and chat a bit, Anon?

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Anon meets Santa | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/22(Tue)02:13:20 No.879217653 >worked at goodwill >had an 30 year old down syndrome coworker named Stephen >in December we had a Santa 130 KB PNG impersonator come in the store for photo ops for kids whose families couldn't afford them to get a free picture with Santa >I was on the task of setting up the display for it >Stephen insisted he help so I let him >he was super excited for Santa to come to the store >Stephen talked about it everyday >then Santa finally came >Stephen talked to him the whole day and not once did the guy ever come off as annoyed or bothered by Stephen >ended up giving him his gloves so Stephen could have something of Santas >took a picture with Stephen and our store manager hung it up on the wall >I've never seen anyone so happy >he wore those gloves everyday didn't matter what anyone said >kind of makes me jealous as I realized just how empty I am inside >I would give anything to feel that spark I felt as a kid again
: Anonymous 05/31/22(Tue)02:13:20 No.879217653 >worked at goodwill >had an 30 year old down syndrome coworker named Stephen >in December we had a Santa 130 KB PNG impersonator come in the store for photo ops for kids whose families couldn't afford them to get a free picture with Santa >I was on the task of setting up the display for it >Stephen insisted he help so I let him >he was super excited for Santa to come to the store >Stephen talked about it everyday >then Santa finally came >Stephen talked to him the whole day and not once did the guy ever come off as annoyed or bothered by Stephen >ended up giving him his gloves so Stephen could have something of Santas >took a picture with Stephen and our store manager hung it up on the wall >I've never seen anyone so happy >he wore those gloves everyday didn't matter what anyone said >kind of makes me jealous as I realized just how empty I am inside >I would give anything to feel that spark I felt as a kid again

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See you later virgins | /r/Greentext

>be me, man >identify as a female because gender is a social construct >j------- >once I'm done, identify as male again >got jerked off by a gril >mfw got a h------ See you later virgins
>be me, man >identify as a female because gender is a social construct >j------- >once I'm done, identify as male again >got jerked off by a gril >mfw got a h------ See you later virgins

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anon finally gets some bitches | /r/Greentext

05/31/22(Tue)10:27:02 No.879216350 Anonymous > be me in high school >pretty good looking, but socially awkward, so no bitches >one day chatting with some asian girls >somehow the topic of chopsticks comes up 22 KB JPG >want to make a joke about being too white to use chopsticks >Say something like, "Nah, I can't use those, see how white I am?" >arms are actually pretty tan, so i pull my shirt up, because my chest is more pale >they all immediately stop laughing and stare at my chest >I realize they're starting at my abs >pull my shirt down >"A-anon, show us how white you are again." >Suddenly have bitches That's all they f------ wanted? I spent so long trying to improve my personality, but all I had to do was take off my shirt
05/31/22(Tue)10:27:02 No.879216350 Anonymous > be me in high school >pretty good looking, but socially awkward, so no bitches >one day chatting with some asian girls >somehow the topic of chopsticks comes up 22 KB JPG >want to make a joke about being too white to use chopsticks >Say something like, "Nah, I can't use those, see how white I am?" >arms are actually pretty tan, so i pull my shirt up, because my chest is more pale >they all immediately stop laughing and stare at my chest >I realize they're starting at my abs >pull my shirt down >"A-anon, show us how white you are again." >Suddenly have bitches That's all they f------ wanted? I spent so long trying to improve my personality, but all I had to do was take off my shirt

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Monkey noises hoo hoo hah ooh ha | /r/Greentext

Anonymous >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins 244 KB PNG >guy in the background screams "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread 01/09/21 (Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848
Anonymous >at the zoo >decide to take guided tour since one is about to start >lady asks if there's any qustions before the tour begins 244 KB PNG >guy in the background screams "YEA WHERE ARE THE MONKEYS AT?!" >everyone stares at him >lady says all of the primates are in the jungle exhibit on the other side of the zoo >guy takes off into a full sprint towards the monkeys >about an hour later >tour catches up to guy in front of the chimpanzees >he's bobbing his head in sync with all the chimps whilst howling View Thread 01/09/21 (Sat)21:22:46 No.844438848

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New gym experience......... | /r/Greentext

>>61173933 (OP) # F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc 30 KB JPG >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros
>>61173933 (OP) # F--- I can actually relate to this >first month in gym >getting used to talking with people, gym lingo, not being intimidated by people using the weights etc 30 KB JPG >need to take a mad s--- >go to the bathroom, all the stalls are occupied >brain is on full autopilot >knock and ask the guy "how many sets do you have left in there" >realize what I just said >hear the guy inside say what the f--- man >all others laughing >run out and don't come back for a few days >realize no one found out It still keeps me up at night bros

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Anon is happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all day >work is f------ boring as f--- >get new puppy 31 KB PNG >puppy is sad when I go to work >have idea >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy 02/13/19(Wed)13:55:42 No.792533342
: Anonymous >be me >be loser who drives a delivery van all day >work is f------ boring as f--- >get new puppy 31 KB PNG >puppy is sad when I go to work >have idea >I will take puppy to work with me >Next day put puppy in van >Puppy sits shotgun all day, does not piss or poop in cab >Take puppy to park during lunch break >Puppy waits patiently while I make deliveries >Drive home >Realize work was fun with my little puppy buddy >Have never had this much enjoyment of work >Thank you puppy 02/13/19(Wed)13:55:42 No.792533342

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You like me. You really like me | /r/Greentext


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anon loves his dad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 144 KB PNG 06/15/21 (Tue)20:24:10 No.64167936 >be me >18 years old no gf or real social life or job >heavily depressed >go to stay with my dad for a while >my parents are split up >realise I don't have any money for cigarettes >ask my dad if I can work with him to earn a bit of money >dad works as a carpenter >tells me I can work with him for the week and he would pay me on Friday >start working on Monday through to Friday >probably the hardest I've ever worked >end of the week rolls by and I'm in the van with my dad >he gives me the money and starts talking >"I'm proud of you anon, you showing initiative and asking to work with me made me happier than I can ever imagine" I didn't buy the cigarettes I haven't smoked in about a year Thanks dad
Anonymous 144 KB PNG 06/15/21 (Tue)20:24:10 No.64167936 >be me >18 years old no gf or real social life or job >heavily depressed >go to stay with my dad for a while >my parents are split up >realise I don't have any money for cigarettes >ask my dad if I can work with him to earn a bit of money >dad works as a carpenter >tells me I can work with him for the week and he would pay me on Friday >start working on Monday through to Friday >probably the hardest I've ever worked >end of the week rolls by and I'm in the van with my dad >he gives me the money and starts talking >"I'm proud of you anon, you showing initiative and asking to work with me made me happier than I can ever imagine" I didn't buy the cigarettes I haven't smoked in about a year Thanks dad

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brocolli and chill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:47:25 No.106871385 Do real kids actually not like broccoli? It seems to be a trope for characters to hate it, but I loved eating broccoli and other vegetables as a kid. 38 KB JPG Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:57:05 No.106871668 I was poor so we had nothing but microwave s--- and ramen. I didnt try broccoli until i was in jr high and i was so surprised at how good it tasted. My friends mom had made broccoli and cheese. I ate about 3 servings and told her how it was my first time to try it. I told them how cartoons always told me it would taste so bad. I wish i could have f----- my friends mom >>106871807 # >>106877776 # >>106885879 #
Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:47:25 No.106871385 Do real kids actually not like broccoli? It seems to be a trope for characters to hate it, but I loved eating broccoli and other vegetables as a kid. 38 KB JPG Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)01:57:05 No.106871668 I was poor so we had nothing but microwave s--- and ramen. I didnt try broccoli until i was in jr high and i was so surprised at how good it tasted. My friends mom had made broccoli and cheese. I ate about 3 servings and told her how it was my first time to try it. I told them how cartoons always told me it would taste so bad. I wish i could have f----- my friends mom >>106871807 # >>106877776 # >>106885879 #

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Anon goes to the gym | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1 66845319 21 hr. ago >>66844503 (OP) >doing cardio at gym >qt3.14 on treadmill next to me >ask her if she wants to grab a coffee after her workout >she declined >"Well we had a good run" >force my whole body to become limp >fly backwards off treadmill into the dumbbell rack behind me > 8 REPLIES
Anonymous 1 66845319 21 hr. ago >>66844503 (OP) >doing cardio at gym >qt3.14 on treadmill next to me >ask her if she wants to grab a coffee after her workout >she declined >"Well we had a good run" >force my whole body to become limp >fly backwards off treadmill into the dumbbell rack behind me > 8 REPLIES

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Anon watches Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Joe Rogan is killing my game w(...) >match with qt on tinder >we hit it off instantly >"haha you seem like the kind of girl I'd love to get high and watch Joe Rogan with", I state >"Imao what", she replies 55 KB JPG >"I wanna watch Joe Rogan with you while you play vidya and just chill out, you know :^)?", I explain >"who tf is Joe Rogan, lol", she replies >send her a couple podcast clips >no replies >unmatches a couple hours later F------ w----- won't sit and watch Joe Rogan with me. Then a couple weeks later, same thing happens. >"Wanna come over and listen to Joe Rogan while we chill on the couch and play mario kart?" >"Joe Rogan? The gay frogs guy?", Emma asks >"Nono, that's Alex Jones, Rogan is the bald guy", I reply >"I think the frogs guy was bald, pretty homophobic", the bitch barks back >"He's balding, Rogan is bald, there's a difference." >instantly blocks me And then today >"It's my day off today" >"Oooo big plans?" >"Nah, just gonna listen to Joe Rogan and review some notes my friends got for me because I skipped a couple days ago" >No reply and then get blocked an hour ago I'm sick of women making me feel like it's my fault. Who the f--- shows their bare ass in their pics but draws the line at The Joe Rogan Experience? 05/30/22(Mon)10:46:54 No.68838320
: Anonymous Joe Rogan is killing my game w(...) >match with qt on tinder >we hit it off instantly >"haha you seem like the kind of girl I'd love to get high and watch Joe Rogan with", I state >"Imao what", she replies 55 KB JPG >"I wanna watch Joe Rogan with you while you play vidya and just chill out, you know :^)?", I explain >"who tf is Joe Rogan, lol", she replies >send her a couple podcast clips >no replies >unmatches a couple hours later F------ w----- won't sit and watch Joe Rogan with me. Then a couple weeks later, same thing happens. >"Wanna come over and listen to Joe Rogan while we chill on the couch and play mario kart?" >"Joe Rogan? The gay frogs guy?", Emma asks >"Nono, that's Alex Jones, Rogan is the bald guy", I reply >"I think the frogs guy was bald, pretty homophobic", the bitch barks back >"He's balding, Rogan is bald, there's a difference." >instantly blocks me And then today >"It's my day off today" >"Oooo big plans?" >"Nah, just gonna listen to Joe Rogan and review some notes my friends got for me because I skipped a couple days ago" >No reply and then get blocked an hour ago I'm sick of women making me feel like it's my fault. Who the f--- shows their bare ass in their pics but draws the line at The Joe Rogan Experience? 05/30/22(Mon)10:46:54 No.68838320

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Anon exploits the D&D rules | /r/Greentext

>centaurs can let medium creatures ride on them >centaurs are also medium creatures Time to play an all-centaur party that stacks up into f------ voltron
>centaurs can let medium creatures ride on them >centaurs are also medium creatures Time to play an all-centaur party that stacks up into f------ voltron

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Anon works at McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/30/22(Mon) 20:39:46 No.879204235 2d1.jpg 29 KB JPG >be me >Work at McDonald's >Drunk lady asks me if I want a b------ >I tell her "wouldn't that be a mcblowjob" I didn't get my mcblowjob
: Anonymous 05/30/22(Mon) 20:39:46 No.879204235 2d1.jpg 29 KB JPG >be me >Work at McDonald's >Drunk lady asks me if I want a b------ >I tell her "wouldn't that be a mcblowjob" I didn't get my mcblowjob

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Anon goes out with a bang | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous finally ended my f------ worthless neet life >walk out the door to get my chinese >2 little f----- 10 year old boys start making fun of me 9 KB JPG >"nice hair tarzan" "eeeeey fat boy" >one of them starts making pig snorting noises >push past the delivery driver >pick up a loose brick from my wall and throw it at his head, hard >hits him >he drops straight to the ground, doesn't even twitch >his friend just gasps in shock >delivery driver staring at me >know I f----- up, hair standing on end >snatch my chinese off him and autistically mumble "I ought to call the police. c----" >currently stuffing my face with chinese while s------- myself in fear >heard sirens >peered out the window >kid is weakly clutching his head and still lying on the pavement unresponsive this is how it f------ ends. swallowed a 4 and a half month's supply of adderall to hopefully die. if they ring the doorbell I'll go into the basement and work up the courage to drink the clorox 05/30/22(Mon)16:24:03 No.68844708
: Anonymous finally ended my f------ worthless neet life >walk out the door to get my chinese >2 little f----- 10 year old boys start making fun of me 9 KB JPG >"nice hair tarzan" "eeeeey fat boy" >one of them starts making pig snorting noises >push past the delivery driver >pick up a loose brick from my wall and throw it at his head, hard >hits him >he drops straight to the ground, doesn't even twitch >his friend just gasps in shock >delivery driver staring at me >know I f----- up, hair standing on end >snatch my chinese off him and autistically mumble "I ought to call the police. c----" >currently stuffing my face with chinese while s------- myself in fear >heard sirens >peered out the window >kid is weakly clutching his head and still lying on the pavement unresponsive this is how it f------ ends. swallowed a 4 and a half month's supply of adderall to hopefully die. if they ring the doorbell I'll go into the basement and work up the courage to drink the clorox 05/30/22(Mon)16:24:03 No.68844708

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Based playground designers. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous IM FINE 186 KB PNG 05/07/18(Mon) 22:00:33 No.767972929 >>767971805 (OP) # Told this story by my dad but only remember a bit of it. >be me >small child >at playground inside the mall >pretty trashy and small but good for small childern >go to talk to and play with other childern >child starts wailing on me for no reason >I get up and move to another group of kids and start to play with them >after a little bit the kid who was wailing on me comes over to me and starts waking on me again >this happens to me at least 5 more times of me going to other groups of kids only to have him follow me and keep hitting me >eventually I had enough of his s--- >go up to top of play structure >kid follows me up and starts hitting me a bunch again >push him off >he falls onto the concrete be loans a loud crunch is heard >crys from concerned parents ring out >nothing is said from him though he doesn't even move >my dad then said he ran up the structure scooped me up and ran away >we got in the car and drove off and never went to that mall for a few years >dad says I might have killed that kid and he didn't want to deal with the consequences of that which is why he bolted
: Anonymous IM FINE 186 KB PNG 05/07/18(Mon) 22:00:33 No.767972929 >>767971805 (OP) # Told this story by my dad but only remember a bit of it. >be me >small child >at playground inside the mall >pretty trashy and small but good for small childern >go to talk to and play with other childern >child starts wailing on me for no reason >I get up and move to another group of kids and start to play with them >after a little bit the kid who was wailing on me comes over to me and starts waking on me again >this happens to me at least 5 more times of me going to other groups of kids only to have him follow me and keep hitting me >eventually I had enough of his s--- >go up to top of play structure >kid follows me up and starts hitting me a bunch again >push him off >he falls onto the concrete be loans a loud crunch is heard >crys from concerned parents ring out >nothing is said from him though he doesn't even move >my dad then said he ran up the structure scooped me up and ran away >we got in the car and drove off and never went to that mall for a few years >dad says I might have killed that kid and he didn't want to deal with the consequences of that which is why he bolted

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Anon has autism. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/30/22(Mon)11:40:04 No.68841514 >be me >want a girl to get rid of my loneliness and virginity 1 >modern society is too f----- up and hypersexual so want a trad wife as any self respectable man shoud 29 KB JPG >start going to church cause this is the only place i could potentially find one >start talking to this girl, she's a 7/10 but at this point i cant be picky >she hates f------ and trannies and not only because her god told her so but because shes based as f--- >she also hates jews for obvious reasons >ask her about the wage gap myth >she says she wants to be a housewife so she doesnt know (or believe) there really is a wage gap but she believes women should be paid the same as men >ghost her There's always something anons. It hurt me the first few days when i kept getting messages from her and even stopped going to church but shes already on the radical feminist pipeline and im NOT dealing with that s---
Anonymous 05/30/22(Mon)11:40:04 No.68841514 >be me >want a girl to get rid of my loneliness and virginity 1 >modern society is too f----- up and hypersexual so want a trad wife as any self respectable man shoud 29 KB JPG >start going to church cause this is the only place i could potentially find one >start talking to this girl, she's a 7/10 but at this point i cant be picky >she hates f------ and trannies and not only because her god told her so but because shes based as f--- >she also hates jews for obvious reasons >ask her about the wage gap myth >she says she wants to be a housewife so she doesnt know (or believe) there really is a wage gap but she believes women should be paid the same as men >ghost her There's always something anons. It hurt me the first few days when i kept getting messages from her and even stopped going to church but shes already on the radical feminist pipeline and im NOT dealing with that s---

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