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Anon protects his virginity........... | /r/Greentext

Anonymous CO 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >I say "yup" 90 KB PNG >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >I say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.
Anonymous CO 09/02/21(Thu)13:06:04 No.63322782 >getting mcdonalds late at night >going up the elevator with a girl who just came home from a party alone >she says "those fries smell good" >I say "yup" 90 KB PNG >she says "i'm hungry for some fries" >I say "fries are pretty good" >on her floor she stands in the elevator door and leans up against the frame in an attempt to be seductive and says "i sure would like some fries" and bites her lip >I say "they're open 24 hours" >she leaves I managed to protect my fries and my virginity.

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Anon calculates work hours required to pay off debt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous MA LM RIS PARI 06/02/22(Thu)15:28:06 No.168979473 Amber heard owes 15 million to Jonny. She does not have 15 million dollars. Lets figure out how she can pay off her debt. LM If she were to charge $60 for a b------ that would mean 308 KB JPG 15000000 / 60 = 250000 she only has to suck off 250,000 men. The average flaccid-to-orgasm (F20) b------ lasts somewhere between 5 to 7 minutes, so lets say 6 minutes. Considering this, assuming perfect efficiency - that means she'll spend 1500000 minutes slobering on c---. 250000*6 = 1500000 minutes 1500000 / 60 = 25000 hours 25000/24 = 1041.666(repeating) days (sleep not factored in) to get a more realistic approximation, let's assume she's sleeping for 8 hours. 24-8 = 16 25000/16 = 1562.5 days 1562.4 / 365.24 = 4.27 years A little over four and a quarter years of non stop d--- sucking from waking up to going to sleep, and she'll have easily paid off her DEBT to the DEPP! Now of course, our calculations are a little rough, we aren't taking into account weekends or meals (although she'd probably be able to survive on the high protein, high calorie c-- diet) I hope this was educational.
: Anonymous MA LM RIS PARI 06/02/22(Thu)15:28:06 No.168979473 Amber heard owes 15 million to Jonny. She does not have 15 million dollars. Lets figure out how she can pay off her debt. LM If she were to charge $60 for a b------ that would mean 308 KB JPG 15000000 / 60 = 250000 she only has to suck off 250,000 men. The average flaccid-to-orgasm (F20) b------ lasts somewhere between 5 to 7 minutes, so lets say 6 minutes. Considering this, assuming perfect efficiency - that means she'll spend 1500000 minutes slobering on c---. 250000*6 = 1500000 minutes 1500000 / 60 = 25000 hours 25000/24 = 1041.666(repeating) days (sleep not factored in) to get a more realistic approximation, let's assume she's sleeping for 8 hours. 24-8 = 16 25000/16 = 1562.5 days 1562.4 / 365.24 = 4.27 years A little over four and a quarter years of non stop d--- sucking from waking up to going to sleep, and she'll have easily paid off her DEBT to the DEPP! Now of course, our calculations are a little rough, we aren't taking into account weekends or meals (although she'd probably be able to survive on the high protein, high calorie c-- diet) I hope this was educational.

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Anon is happy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/23/19(Thu)10:56:29 No.800433348 >Talking to the girl I love about her boyfriend >She's so happy around him >She gets excited just talking about him 22 KB JPG I'm glad she's happy. It makes me happy.
: Anonymous 05/23/19(Thu)10:56:29 No.800433348 >Talking to the girl I love about her boyfriend >She's so happy around him >She gets excited just talking about him 22 KB JPG I'm glad she's happy. It makes me happy.

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Anon realizes his purpose | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/12/18(Fri)04:19:14 No.48641922 I don't have anywhere else to go so I'll tell you guys what happened. >Be me, 19 y/o loser >Virgin, never had a gf >Not very good socially 26 KB JPG >Not completely autistic though >Can be a good friend if people gave me opportunity >Appear as loner cause of situation >In class one day, most popular, hottest girls come up >Start talking to me casually, ask my name, my interests >Immediately suspiscious, but okay >They end up being really cool, conversation drifts but they kinda half keep me engaged >At the end, they invite me out with them >Automatic yes, best thing that could've happened >Over the course of about 6 months I go out with them a lot >They text me all the time to go places or do things with them >It's always stuff they like, malls, lunches, festivals, etc, but I'm cool with it >Get introduced to some really cool guys >50% popular guys 50% straight up Chads >Get along with them >Get invited to parties by the girls >My life has completely changed, and I assume it's because of the kindness of these girls Board /r9k/-ROBOT9001 ▼ Settings Home >My life has completely changed, and I assume it's because of the kindness of these girls >One day at the mall with them >They're shopping and stuff >I'm there helping carry their bags and whatever >They say they want me to wait outside the store for a sec while they run inside quick >Get a text from one of the Chads they introduced me to >"Hey, is this anon?" >"Yeah, who's this?" >"It's Chad. Hey, man, I don't want to bum you out or anything, but I think you should know. Those bitches are using you. They're actually laughing at you behind your back. You don't seem like a bad guy, but they're taking advantage of you on purpose." >w--.jpg >He then sends me a screenshot of a snapchat from one of the girls >It's a picture of me outside the store holding, like, 10 bags waiting for them. >Caption says: "Haha, who knew losers make the best servants <3" >No f------ way >"Sorry, man. I just felt like you should know." >I dropped their s--- and left as fast as possible >They haven't texted me yet, and I assume they won't 29 Replies /4 Images View Thread
Anonymous 10/12/18(Fri)04:19:14 No.48641922 I don't have anywhere else to go so I'll tell you guys what happened. >Be me, 19 y/o loser >Virgin, never had a gf >Not very good socially 26 KB JPG >Not completely autistic though >Can be a good friend if people gave me opportunity >Appear as loner cause of situation >In class one day, most popular, hottest girls come up >Start talking to me casually, ask my name, my interests >Immediately suspiscious, but okay >They end up being really cool, conversation drifts but they kinda half keep me engaged >At the end, they invite me out with them >Automatic yes, best thing that could've happened >Over the course of about 6 months I go out with them a lot >They text me all the time to go places or do things with them >It's always stuff they like, malls, lunches, festivals, etc, but I'm cool with it >Get introduced to some really cool guys >50% popular guys 50% straight up Chads >Get along with them >Get invited to parties by the girls >My life has completely changed, and I assume it's because of the kindness of these girls Board /r9k/-ROBOT9001 ▼ Settings Home >My life has completely changed, and I assume it's because of the kindness of these girls >One day at the mall with them >They're shopping and stuff >I'm there helping carry their bags and whatever >They say they want me to wait outside the store for a sec while they run inside quick >Get a text from one of the Chads they introduced me to >"Hey, is this anon?" >"Yeah, who's this?" >"It's Chad. Hey, man, I don't want to bum you out or anything, but I think you should know. Those bitches are using you. They're actually laughing at you behind your back. You don't seem like a bad guy, but they're taking advantage of you on purpose." >w--.jpg >He then sends me a screenshot of a snapchat from one of the girls >It's a picture of me outside the store holding, like, 10 bags waiting for them. >Caption says: "Haha, who knew losers make the best servants <3" >No f------ way >"Sorry, man. I just felt like you should know." >I dropped their s--- and left as fast as possible >They haven't texted me yet, and I assume they won't 29 Replies /4 Images View Thread

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Anon is hopeless | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Virgin 5 KB PNG 93 Replies / 6 Images : Anonymous >>879306199 # Anonymous Anonymous Kill yourself 06/01/22 (Wed)06:37:07 No.879293123 This f------ thread again! Ask a 35 year old virgin anything. View Thread 06/01/22(Wed)11:39:04 No.879305932 06/01/22(Wed)11:44:35 No.879306199 06/01/22(Wed)11:53:15 No.879306594
Anonymous Virgin 5 KB PNG 93 Replies / 6 Images : Anonymous >>879306199 # Anonymous Anonymous Kill yourself 06/01/22 (Wed)06:37:07 No.879293123 This f------ thread again! Ask a 35 year old virgin anything. View Thread 06/01/22(Wed)11:39:04 No.879305932 06/01/22(Wed)11:44:35 No.879306199 06/01/22(Wed)11:53:15 No.879306594

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Anon thinks about fantasy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)01:32:58 No.163869938 FIOR dragons-but-not-black.png 547 KB PNG You can accept dragons, elves and talking trees, but you can't accept a 2021 BMW 5 Series 530i with optional heated seating. Why are you so bigoted?
Anonymous 02/14/22(Mon)01:32:58 No.163869938 FIOR dragons-but-not-black.png 547 KB PNG You can accept dragons, elves and talking trees, but you can't accept a 2021 BMW 5 Series 530i with optional heated seating. Why are you so bigoted?

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Anon went to bible camp | /r/Greentext

11/13/21(Sat)10:16:37 No.866631675 >be me >young >went to bible camp >talked about the gay >went to bed, we shared beds >man shalt never lay with man but here we were in our underwear laying next to Anonymous 3 KB JPG eachother >they say this wasnt gay >i said we layed with one another >called them f------ >left bible camp was gay
11/13/21(Sat)10:16:37 No.866631675 >be me >young >went to bible camp >talked about the gay >went to bed, we shared beds >man shalt never lay with man but here we were in our underwear laying next to Anonymous 3 KB JPG eachother >they say this wasnt gay >i said we layed with one another >called them f------ >left bible camp was gay

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Anon tries fasting. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Fasting 06/02/22(Thu)04:44:20 No.68880773 >be fat f--- >try water fasting for 3 days >tough at first but hunger begins to go away >suddenly feel energy I've never felt before in my life >finally feel alive 87 KB JPG >decide to break fast with a f------ juice box >each sip felt like I was shooting up heroin W-- why didn't anyone tell me fasting was this powerful?
Anonymous Fasting 06/02/22(Thu)04:44:20 No.68880773 >be fat f--- >try water fasting for 3 days >tough at first but hunger begins to go away >suddenly feel energy I've never felt before in my life >finally feel alive 87 KB JPG >decide to break fast with a f------ juice box >each sip felt like I was shooting up heroin W-- why didn't anyone tell me fasting was this powerful?

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Anon catches up with himself | /r/Greentext

02/28/21(Sun)12:59:04 No.848456155 >be me saturday morning >carefully walking to bedroom with a cup full of coffee >realize f--- it, I can just yeet this cup, future me will have to clean it up >yeet said cup, coffee everywhere on carpet and bed : Anonymous my 19 KB JPG >j------- while laughing at cuck future me >mfw I'm future me
02/28/21(Sun)12:59:04 No.848456155 >be me saturday morning >carefully walking to bedroom with a cup full of coffee >realize f--- it, I can just yeet this cup, future me will have to clean it up >yeet said cup, coffee everywhere on carpet and bed : Anonymous my 19 KB JPG >j------- while laughing at cuck future me >mfw I'm future me

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Anon supports the Legion | /r/Greentext

07/14/21 (Wed)13:30:39 No.64566197 : Anonymous >playing new vegas for the first time >go for legion faction and beat the game last night >post screenshot in discord gc about how I beat it 167 KB JPG >friend asks what faction I went for >say I went for legion cuz they seemed kinda cool >friend goes on a rant about how the legion is terrible because they r--- women and use them for slavery >tell him its just a video game and it doesnt matter >he tells me slavery is terrible and everyone who chooses the legion unironically is either a massive edgelord or just plain stupid holy f--- do people actually get this worked up about a f------ video game? it doesnt matter if i choose the people who enforce slavery or the people who commit war crimes its a f------ video game lol
07/14/21 (Wed)13:30:39 No.64566197 : Anonymous >playing new vegas for the first time >go for legion faction and beat the game last night >post screenshot in discord gc about how I beat it 167 KB JPG >friend asks what faction I went for >say I went for legion cuz they seemed kinda cool >friend goes on a rant about how the legion is terrible because they r--- women and use them for slavery >tell him its just a video game and it doesnt matter >he tells me slavery is terrible and everyone who chooses the legion unironically is either a massive edgelord or just plain stupid holy f--- do people actually get this worked up about a f------ video game? it doesnt matter if i choose the people who enforce slavery or the people who commit war crimes its a f------ video game lol

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Anon goes to the hairdresser | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: VasOhbzw The Hairdresser That Wasn't(...) 06/02/22(Thu)14:58:18 No.380607206 >Be me >Go to a new place for haircut >Mum says she'll pay for it >18 year old out with his mum >Free haircut >worthit.png 11 KB JPG >Hairdresser is a 7/10 but she's my age >Never had a hairdresser under 40 before >Small talk about Tafe, she's also studying in the city as a hairdresser >I am completely socially retarded and nothing about this interaction comes naturally to me >Eventually conversation gets a little easier >Start imagining that she might be my wife some day >She mentions her boyfriend
: Anonymous (ID: VasOhbzw The Hairdresser That Wasn't(...) 06/02/22(Thu)14:58:18 No.380607206 >Be me >Go to a new place for haircut >Mum says she'll pay for it >18 year old out with his mum >Free haircut >worthit.png 11 KB JPG >Hairdresser is a 7/10 but she's my age >Never had a hairdresser under 40 before >Small talk about Tafe, she's also studying in the city as a hairdresser >I am completely socially retarded and nothing about this interaction comes naturally to me >Eventually conversation gets a little easier >Start imagining that she might be my wife some day >She mentions her boyfriend

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Anon is a murderer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Prisoner 36 Pepe aa 30 30 27 27 06/01/22(Wed)10:25:10 No.879294731 >Arrested for murder, case of mistaken identity >Homicide detective comes and starts to laugh. >Says I'm too much of a manlet to commit murder >Confess to murder. Sentenced to death PEPE 134 KB PNG >Who's the manlet now?
Anonymous Prisoner 36 Pepe aa 30 30 27 27 06/01/22(Wed)10:25:10 No.879294731 >Arrested for murder, case of mistaken identity >Homicide detective comes and starts to laugh. >Says I'm too much of a manlet to commit murder >Confess to murder. Sentenced to death PEPE 134 KB PNG >Who's the manlet now?

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Anon is optimistic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)16:51:02 No.50168540 File: 1522239664284.jpg (103 KB, 367x470) >>50156100 (OP) >22 years old >first time asking a girl on a date >she refused but thats ok because progress is progress 老厉害了 Awesome!
Anonymous 12/31/18(Mon)16:51:02 No.50168540 File: 1522239664284.jpg (103 KB, 367x470) >>50156100 (OP) >22 years old >first time asking a girl on a date >she refused but thats ok because progress is progress 老厉害了 Awesome!

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Anon knows their abbreviations | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)11:09:37 No.335125501 >>335124507 # This info is outdated anyway, FWIW >>335125745 # >>335126071 # : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)11:12:07 No.335125745 >>335125501 # FWIW means...? >>335125858 # : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)11:13:19 No.335125858 >>335125745 # folga wooga imoga womp
: Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)11:09:37 No.335125501 >>335124507 # This info is outdated anyway, FWIW >>335125745 # >>335126071 # : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)11:12:07 No.335125745 >>335125501 # FWIW means...? >>335125858 # : Anonymous 05/11/21(Tue)11:13:19 No.335125858 >>335125745 # folga wooga imoga womp

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The epiphany | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/01/22(Wed) 23:50:28 No.879311945 Screenshot_20220601-233122.jpg 118 KB JPG >start watching a new show with my roommates >was suspicious of the concept at first but damn, it's actually got an interesting premise and gorgeous art, well written and everything >second episode in, already invested, when in the middle of a scene two of my roommates burst out laughing and the third one yells "SEE? F------ TOLD YOU!" >he hits pause >new character that was just introduced looks exactly f------ like me >down to the f------ haircut >show remains paused until they're done laughing about how the f--- does that even happen >never been more f------ baffled by something in my life, but try to act normal despite of seeing my own goddamn face on an animated screen >continue watching with them and do my best to just seem nonchalant about it >internally get mildly obsessed with this little guy >never read fanfiction in my life but look some up purely out of curiosity and satisfy some weird craving I've never had before >h-------- there's so much p--- >some of it incredibly sweet and gentle, some deeply f----- up >apparently doing both in the same story is a whole genre of fanfiction >there's women out there who would yearn to deeply brutalise, comfort, or do both to this sad mad scientist cripple shrimp guy >who f------ looks exactly like me >become invested in self-insert fics >there's girls writing themselves into the world of the show for no other reason than to f--- this sad little man >who looks like me >mfw it truly, deeply, viscerally, sinks in for me that the true reason I can't get laid is because of my personality
: Anonymous 06/01/22(Wed) 23:50:28 No.879311945 Screenshot_20220601-233122.jpg 118 KB JPG >start watching a new show with my roommates >was suspicious of the concept at first but damn, it's actually got an interesting premise and gorgeous art, well written and everything >second episode in, already invested, when in the middle of a scene two of my roommates burst out laughing and the third one yells "SEE? F------ TOLD YOU!" >he hits pause >new character that was just introduced looks exactly f------ like me >down to the f------ haircut >show remains paused until they're done laughing about how the f--- does that even happen >never been more f------ baffled by something in my life, but try to act normal despite of seeing my own goddamn face on an animated screen >continue watching with them and do my best to just seem nonchalant about it >internally get mildly obsessed with this little guy >never read fanfiction in my life but look some up purely out of curiosity and satisfy some weird craving I've never had before >h-------- there's so much p--- >some of it incredibly sweet and gentle, some deeply f----- up >apparently doing both in the same story is a whole genre of fanfiction >there's women out there who would yearn to deeply brutalise, comfort, or do both to this sad mad scientist cripple shrimp guy >who f------ looks exactly like me >become invested in self-insert fics >there's girls writing themselves into the world of the show for no other reason than to f--- this sad little man >who looks like me >mfw it truly, deeply, viscerally, sinks in for me that the true reason I can't get laid is because of my personality

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Upside down anons play the long game | /r/Greentext

12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No.152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >>152305387 (OP) # >1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees >plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree >california burns down
12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No.152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >>152305387 (OP) # >1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees >plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree >california burns down

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Anon watches a movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:17:07 No.132843276 03BFC167-6DBE-43ED-A53E-F7614ECDD2BA.jpg 24 KB JPG >"Rey.....Rey Skywalker" Absolute garbage. I left the theater after I heard it : Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:18:02 No.132843321 >>132843276 (OP) # Ye no s--- that's when the movie ended >>132843340 # >>132843556 # >>132844401 #
: Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:17:07 No.132843276 03BFC167-6DBE-43ED-A53E-F7614ECDD2BA.jpg 24 KB JPG >"Rey.....Rey Skywalker" Absolute garbage. I left the theater after I heard it : Anonymous 04/27/20(Mon)00:18:02 No.132843321 >>132843276 (OP) # Ye no s--- that's when the movie ended >>132843340 # >>132843556 # >>132844401 #

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anon is a nerd | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 41 KB JPG 06/01/22(Wed)16:33:48 No.879311113 >MFW I realize I'm the kind of guy my dad would have bullied in high school
: Anonymous 41 KB JPG 06/01/22(Wed)16:33:48 No.879311113 >MFW I realize I'm the kind of guy my dad would have bullied in high school

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The secret menu | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Retail feels thread 118 KB JPG >wink at her as she leaves >she winks back That was actually kind of cool. 06/01/22(Wed)19:11:32 No.68875207 >woman comes up to me asking about some discount >tell her I can't do it and the higher ups probably won't do it but let her know that if she complains enough they'll just give it to her >watch her complain and finally get her way
: Anonymous Retail feels thread 118 KB JPG >wink at her as she leaves >she winks back That was actually kind of cool. 06/01/22(Wed)19:11:32 No.68875207 >woman comes up to me asking about some discount >tell her I can't do it and the higher ups probably won't do it but let her know that if she complains enough they'll just give it to her >watch her complain and finally get her way

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Anon is 99% of people | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: ajOjJ10+) 454 KB GIF 06/01/22(Wed)15:53:53 No.15357167 >NOOOOO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SEEING THINGS I DON'T LIKE TRIGGERS MY DYSPHORIA TOO HARD I NEED MY HECKING ECHO CHAMBER HUGBOX SAFESPACERINO
: Anonymous (ID: ajOjJ10+) 454 KB GIF 06/01/22(Wed)15:53:53 No.15357167 >NOOOOO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND SEEING THINGS I DON'T LIKE TRIGGERS MY DYSPHORIA TOO HARD I NEED MY HECKING ECHO CHAMBER HUGBOX SAFESPACERINO

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