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Believing women that you paid to be nice to you…… | /r/Greentext

>yesterday decide to f--- my first h----- ever >while she's riding me she ask if i was fat before >tell her i went from 145kg to 80kg and that i couldn't hit the gym 25 KB JPG cause rona but will when it's open >she look amazed and tell me that i'll look so good when i'll hit the gym cause i have a beautiful face and i'm tall >proceed to ride me harder
>yesterday decide to f--- my first h----- ever >while she's riding me she ask if i was fat before >tell her i went from 145kg to 80kg and that i couldn't hit the gym 25 KB JPG cause rona but will when it's open >she look amazed and tell me that i'll look so good when i'll hit the gym cause i have a beautiful face and i'm tall >proceed to ride me harder

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anon smokes a joint | /r/Greentext

43 min. ago >be me >smoke a joint with an old friend i hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 years Anonymous | 44437085 12.3 kB JPG 1 REPLY 0 IMAGES REPLY
43 min. ago >be me >smoke a joint with an old friend i hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 years Anonymous | 44437085 12.3 kB JPG 1 REPLY 0 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon pulls a prank | /r/Greentext

04/04/19(Thu)17:58:13 No.796628584 : Anonymous >be me >today >student of technical school in Poland >be in English class >teacher tells us we are going to write a letter to other students in some school in Turkey 16 KB JPG >Idea.jpg >instead of writing usual letter stuff i write down entire lyrics of "God is a Serb" (remove kebab song) >topped it it with "never forget about Armenian genocide" >Write a normal letter so teacher won't suspect anything >got best grade in class >slide letter with remove kebab song into the anvelope with the normal letter and close it >letters are going to be sent next week >mfw
04/04/19(Thu)17:58:13 No.796628584 : Anonymous >be me >today >student of technical school in Poland >be in English class >teacher tells us we are going to write a letter to other students in some school in Turkey 16 KB JPG >Idea.jpg >instead of writing usual letter stuff i write down entire lyrics of "God is a Serb" (remove kebab song) >topped it it with "never forget about Armenian genocide" >Write a normal letter so teacher won't suspect anything >got best grade in class >slide letter with remove kebab song into the anvelope with the normal letter and close it >letters are going to be sent next week >mfw

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anon observes a phenomenon | /r/Greentext

9 KB PNG >everyone you've ever met has taken a s---
9 KB PNG >everyone you've ever met has taken a s---

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Anon is a helpful brother | /r/Greentext

50 min ago... >be me, 26 m a few years ago >little sister calls me to ask if I can buy Girl Scout cookies >buy two boxes of thin mints >idea.png >tell little sister I'll make her tons of money >tell her to let me handle everything >turn on my computer >I'm a f------ genius >start selling "mystery boxes" through the dark web >there's an estimate shipment date of 2-3 weeks for the cookies to arrive >I sell a mystery box for $200 a pop >End up selling about 60-70 mystery boxes in three days >tell my sister >she is super happy >feelsgoodman >sister sold the most and got some award >mfw I operated an underground cookie ring >mfw I got contacted by the local police for shipping all those boxes of Girl Scout cookies but proved there was nothing illegal about it. Anonymous | 792698618 81.4 kB JPG
50 min ago... >be me, 26 m a few years ago >little sister calls me to ask if I can buy Girl Scout cookies >buy two boxes of thin mints >idea.png >tell little sister I'll make her tons of money >tell her to let me handle everything >turn on my computer >I'm a f------ genius >start selling "mystery boxes" through the dark web >there's an estimate shipment date of 2-3 weeks for the cookies to arrive >I sell a mystery box for $200 a pop >End up selling about 60-70 mystery boxes in three days >tell my sister >she is super happy >feelsgoodman >sister sold the most and got some award >mfw I operated an underground cookie ring >mfw I got contacted by the local police for shipping all those boxes of Girl Scout cookies but proved there was nothing illegal about it. Anonymous | 792698618 81.4 kB JPG

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ANON has a question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: KFVdBc5Y 05/26/22(Thu)18:35:35 No.379655666 >gunman shoots grandma, no calls >gunman crashes truck in ditch and shoots at people in a graveyard >stands outside school for 12 minutes shooting rounds with no interference >walks inside unlocked back yard >shoots at two cops who show up inside hallway >cops run away >gunman walks into classroom that didn't get locked despite shooting outside for 12 minutes and inside hallway >a hundred cops show up, taking out their own kids out while shooter slaughters classroom >an hour passes with him continuing to kill >police mace, taze, and arrest parents trying to get inside >off duty border patrol agent goes in by himself with a key >why do you need a key to open a door when you have rifles and a hundred men >kills gunman The absolute f--- actually happened here? >>379655840 # >>379656028 # >>379656472 # >>379656636 # >>379657538 # >>379657570 # >>379657852 # >>379660186 # >>379660351 # >>379662303 # >>379662344 # >>379662622 # >>379662638 # >>379662855 # >>379663955 # >>379664991 # >>379665211 # >>379665246 # >>379666393 # >>379666564 # >>379666594 # >>379666827 # >>379666925 # >>379666965 # >>379667269 # >>379667297 # >>379667613 # >>379667790 # >>379667906 # >>379668152 # >>379668413 # >>379668816 # >>379668900 # >>379669981 #
: Anonymous (ID: KFVdBc5Y 05/26/22(Thu)18:35:35 No.379655666 >gunman shoots grandma, no calls >gunman crashes truck in ditch and shoots at people in a graveyard >stands outside school for 12 minutes shooting rounds with no interference >walks inside unlocked back yard >shoots at two cops who show up inside hallway >cops run away >gunman walks into classroom that didn't get locked despite shooting outside for 12 minutes and inside hallway >a hundred cops show up, taking out their own kids out while shooter slaughters classroom >an hour passes with him continuing to kill >police mace, taze, and arrest parents trying to get inside >off duty border patrol agent goes in by himself with a key >why do you need a key to open a door when you have rifles and a hundred men >kills gunman The absolute f--- actually happened here? >>379655840 # >>379656028 # >>379656472 # >>379656636 # >>379657538 # >>379657570 # >>379657852 # >>379660186 # >>379660351 # >>379662303 # >>379662344 # >>379662622 # >>379662638 # >>379662855 # >>379663955 # >>379664991 # >>379665211 # >>379665246 # >>379666393 # >>379666564 # >>379666594 # >>379666827 # >>379666925 # >>379666965 # >>379667269 # >>379667297 # >>379667613 # >>379667790 # >>379667906 # >>379668152 # >>379668413 # >>379668816 # >>379668900 # >>379669981 #

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anon hates inflation | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/05/22(Sun)15:23:37 No.879538671 >Sophomore year of college, Fall 2018 >Broke as f--- but want to get big LARGE WHITE PROTEIN >Find out 60 eggs at walmart only costs $4.62 m 60 EGGSGRADE AXEGGS 21 KB JPG >gaston.png >That semester eggs become my main protein source >Bulk goes well >Eventually can afford better protein but always know I can go back to my reliable egg ways >Fast forward to 2022 >Visit walmart >60 Eggs now $12.76 >F--- inflation preventing my gains
: Anonymous 06/05/22(Sun)15:23:37 No.879538671 >Sophomore year of college, Fall 2018 >Broke as f--- but want to get big LARGE WHITE PROTEIN >Find out 60 eggs at walmart only costs $4.62 m 60 EGGSGRADE AXEGGS 21 KB JPG >gaston.png >That semester eggs become my main protein source >Bulk goes well >Eventually can afford better protein but always know I can go back to my reliable egg ways >Fast forward to 2022 >Visit walmart >60 Eggs now $12.76 >F--- inflation preventing my gains

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Time is broken | /r/Greentext

: noko...also the game 09/29/17 (Fri) 15:44:11 No.19675045 Reality glitch thread Post times where time and space goofed. >Be me 83 KB JPG >Going to bed while staying at grandparents' rural farmhouse as a 10 year old kid. >Not tired at all - 100% lucid. >Decide eh I'll just try closing my eyes. >It's only 9:30 p.m. >The MOMENT I close my eyes it's instantly morning literally within a blink of an eye. >Brother was in the twin bed next to me and he disappeared instantaneously. >Can smell grandma making breakfast. >YouWutMate.jpeg >Never been able to reproduce what happened or have somebody tell me the same happened to them. : Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)15:48:59 No.19675059 >>19675045 (OP) # You fell asleep you f----- retard >>19675066 # >>19677427 # >>19678564 # >>19687722 # >>19689769 # >>19691641 #
: noko...also the game 09/29/17 (Fri) 15:44:11 No.19675045 Reality glitch thread Post times where time and space goofed. >Be me 83 KB JPG >Going to bed while staying at grandparents' rural farmhouse as a 10 year old kid. >Not tired at all - 100% lucid. >Decide eh I'll just try closing my eyes. >It's only 9:30 p.m. >The MOMENT I close my eyes it's instantly morning literally within a blink of an eye. >Brother was in the twin bed next to me and he disappeared instantaneously. >Can smell grandma making breakfast. >YouWutMate.jpeg >Never been able to reproduce what happened or have somebody tell me the same happened to them. : Anonymous 09/29/17(Fri)15:48:59 No.19675059 >>19675045 (OP) # You fell asleep you f----- retard >>19675066 # >>19677427 # >>19678564 # >>19687722 # >>19689769 # >>19691641 #

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Incel drops the soap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 'All I wanted was to be loved': Virgin, 27, is arrested after posting on Facebook his plan to carry out mass shooting at Utah women's march and kill 'as many girls as I see' because he had been rejected so many times By Jennifer Smith For Dailymail.com 15:43 22 Jan 2019, updated 16:55 22 Jan 2019 Kris Cleary 30 min-2 All I wanted was a girlfriend, not 1000 not a bunch of his not money none of that. All I wanted was to be loved, yet no one cares about me I'm 27 years old and I've never had a girlfriend before and I'm still a virgin, this is why I'm planning on shooting up a public place soon and being the next mass shooter cause I'm ready to die and all the girls the turned me down is going to make it right by killing as many girls as I see 1654429767722.jpg 484 KB JPG We need an incel holocaust. Incels need to be identified, rounded up, and exterminated. They're a genuine threat to civilization : Anonymous 06/05/22(Sun)22:57:06 No.68922383 >>68922886 # 06/05/22(Sun)22:57:59 No.68922393 06/05/22(Sun)23:01:03 No.68922423 06/05/22(Sun)22:54:35 No.68922356 Anonymous Anonymous >>68922356 (OP) # >is a virgin >posts on facebook like a 80 IQ idiot >goes to prison >no longer a virgin
: Anonymous 'All I wanted was to be loved': Virgin, 27, is arrested after posting on Facebook his plan to carry out mass shooting at Utah women's march and kill 'as many girls as I see' because he had been rejected so many times By Jennifer Smith For Dailymail.com 15:43 22 Jan 2019, updated 16:55 22 Jan 2019 Kris Cleary 30 min-2 All I wanted was a girlfriend, not 1000 not a bunch of his not money none of that. All I wanted was to be loved, yet no one cares about me I'm 27 years old and I've never had a girlfriend before and I'm still a virgin, this is why I'm planning on shooting up a public place soon and being the next mass shooter cause I'm ready to die and all the girls the turned me down is going to make it right by killing as many girls as I see 1654429767722.jpg 484 KB JPG We need an incel holocaust. Incels need to be identified, rounded up, and exterminated. They're a genuine threat to civilization : Anonymous 06/05/22(Sun)22:57:06 No.68922383 >>68922886 # 06/05/22(Sun)22:57:59 No.68922393 06/05/22(Sun)23:01:03 No.68922423 06/05/22(Sun)22:54:35 No.68922356 Anonymous Anonymous >>68922356 (OP) # >is a virgin >posts on facebook like a 80 IQ idiot >goes to prison >no longer a virgin

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Anon thinks scorpions aren't real | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)21:41:27 No.840147015 Back in 2003 I used to think scorpions weren't real. Fast forward to about a week ago >be me walking outside for the first time in a year 40 KB JPG >see some kinda f------ alien c--- sucker thing on the ground >pick it up > it hits me with its tail thing >F-----.png >I throw that f----- like I was in the MLB I know now that scorpions are real & I don't like them View Thread
: Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)21:41:27 No.840147015 Back in 2003 I used to think scorpions weren't real. Fast forward to about a week ago >be me walking outside for the first time in a year 40 KB JPG >see some kinda f------ alien c--- sucker thing on the ground >pick it up > it hits me with its tail thing >F-----.png >I throw that f----- like I was in the MLB I know now that scorpions are real & I don't like them View Thread

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the absolute state of the west.. | /r/Greentext

>in high school >some chick tells me gays deserve equal rights >my first ever time learning about gays and Igb rights >that's weird but whatever idc 295 KB PNG >in college, start to learn about other genders >"trannies are natural and chopping off genitalia is cool" >w-- that's really really weird but whatever idc >get a job >have to state my gender and take lgbtq+ trainings >every show I watch has gays and trannies >characters I used to love are big gay and t----- >starting to get absurd seeing all the pandering to gays >one days, 8 year old daughter comes home and says her teacher said anyone can become any gender when they grow up >not happy with this b-------. I didn't sign up for this propagation of gender dysphoria promotion >can't do anything about it >see post on internet about trans children >comment dissent >"f--- you bigor anon you suck why are you a bigot when this doesn't even affect you, you seem obsessed like you're a closet gay"
>in high school >some chick tells me gays deserve equal rights >my first ever time learning about gays and Igb rights >that's weird but whatever idc 295 KB PNG >in college, start to learn about other genders >"trannies are natural and chopping off genitalia is cool" >w-- that's really really weird but whatever idc >get a job >have to state my gender and take lgbtq+ trainings >every show I watch has gays and trannies >characters I used to love are big gay and t----- >starting to get absurd seeing all the pandering to gays >one days, 8 year old daughter comes home and says her teacher said anyone can become any gender when they grow up >not happy with this b-------. I didn't sign up for this propagation of gender dysphoria promotion >can't do anything about it >see post on internet about trans children >comment dissent >"f--- you bigor anon you suck why are you a bigot when this doesn't even affect you, you seem obsessed like you're a closet gay"

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Anon's bf takes her to Fartmart | /r/Greentext

File: smile2.png (1.22 MB, 871x867) Anonymous 06/04/22(Sat) 18:57:20 No.68914826 >>68914839 >>689 >bf driving me home >tell him we never go on dates anymore >he says "alright whatever let's go to walmart" >walmart dates aren't my favorite but i'll take it >we walk in >he stands there at the entrance and lets out a massive fart >stands there for 10 seconds while the sound is blasting from his butt >i feel super embarrassed but everyone pretends not to notice >"alright i'm done, lets go home" >we literally leave and drive home W-- JUST HAPPENED? □ Anonymous 06/04/22(Sat) 18:58:53 No.68914839 >>68914884 File: 1635901627779.jpg (17 KB, 447x330) >>68914826 (OP) >walmart dates ULES
File: smile2.png (1.22 MB, 871x867) Anonymous 06/04/22(Sat) 18:57:20 No.68914826 >>68914839 >>689 >bf driving me home >tell him we never go on dates anymore >he says "alright whatever let's go to walmart" >walmart dates aren't my favorite but i'll take it >we walk in >he stands there at the entrance and lets out a massive fart >stands there for 10 seconds while the sound is blasting from his butt >i feel super embarrassed but everyone pretends not to notice >"alright i'm done, lets go home" >we literally leave and drive home W-- JUST HAPPENED? □ Anonymous 06/04/22(Sat) 18:58:53 No.68914839 >>68914884 File: 1635901627779.jpg (17 KB, 447x330) >>68914826 (OP) >walmart dates ULES

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Femanon takes advice from 4chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/21/21 (Wed)12:42:03 No.64657226 >have a crush on a handsome successful chad >use incel advice to make myself attractive (dont swear or drink, dont wear too much makeup, act cute and pure, be trad and modest, make my hobbies baking and knitting and s--- like that, make it known im a virgin to him, stay at home and want to be a wife and mommy) 9 KB JPG >he ends up choosing a slutty, binge drinking, bimbo cakeface girl who runs her own business and is extremely unfeminine and loud and hates kids Stupid s----- incel advice only works for attracting betas.
: Anonymous 07/21/21 (Wed)12:42:03 No.64657226 >have a crush on a handsome successful chad >use incel advice to make myself attractive (dont swear or drink, dont wear too much makeup, act cute and pure, be trad and modest, make my hobbies baking and knitting and s--- like that, make it known im a virgin to him, stay at home and want to be a wife and mommy) 9 KB JPG >he ends up choosing a slutty, binge drinking, bimbo cakeface girl who runs her own business and is extremely unfeminine and loud and hates kids Stupid s----- incel advice only works for attracting betas.

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do it for the keks and lulz | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/03/22(Fri)16:22:32 No.68895675 >be me >15 years old at the time >having my first time with a 19 year old girl (I made her believe that I was 17) 36 KB JPG >learns a month later that she has a boyfriend >4 years later I go on her insta and I learn that she is now married to her boyfriend >mfw I'm a time bomb and I can create a divorce at any time should I? View Thread 06/03/22(Fri)16:27:50 No.68895728 1 Reply : Anonymous it would be funny
: Anonymous 06/03/22(Fri)16:22:32 No.68895675 >be me >15 years old at the time >having my first time with a 19 year old girl (I made her believe that I was 17) 36 KB JPG >learns a month later that she has a boyfriend >4 years later I go on her insta and I learn that she is now married to her boyfriend >mfw I'm a time bomb and I can create a divorce at any time should I? View Thread 06/03/22(Fri)16:27:50 No.68895728 1 Reply : Anonymous it would be funny

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Anon works at GameStop | /r/Greentext

000 Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies
000 Anonymous No.592760531 Vor 53 Minuten >Be me working at gamestop >parent asks for a game called "cod" >tell her there is no game called "cod" but her son probably meant "Rapala pro bass fishing" there are lots of fish in that game and the closest we have >have ton of copies in the back >we have a deal on, if you buy 2 copies you get 1 free >she buys three brand new copies of this game >she comes back after christmas >all three copies have been opened >no refund because you opened them >a kid out there received 3 copies of a f------ fishing game for christmas 2 replies

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Thanks Elon, very cool. | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster 19 KB JPG traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster 19 KB JPG traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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Anon dislikes Jordan Peterson | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/05/22(Sun)15:23:37 No.879538671 >'So what's your opinion on toilet paper Mr Peterson Sir?' >Stares >Any and all warmth drain from face >Clench jaw muscles >Work up a good s-- 21 KB JPG >"Toilet paper. You're asking me about toilet paper?" >Deafening silence as Peterson crosses his hands and internally debates on the coolest looking pose he could strike while having a existential crisis again >Works up a good s--, like a nice strong whine and good ole fat tears >Interviewer nervously chuckles, Peterson's stare hardens >"Toilet paper is necessary", he whispers >"I'm sorry what was that?" >He looks down and then back up, and then back down again and back up, jaw muscles clenching and endulating with the experience of years of affecting a deep emotional turmoil >uncrosses his hand, crosses legs, briefly brings up hand to his face before crossing his hands again and leaning forward >"Toilet paper is the quintessential backbone of modern society," he cries out, his voice now higher than the female interviewer's >Rant about human history and the availability of toilet paper being so sure a sign of unfathomable luck that any who does not see it might as well rip out their eyes and down them with a bottle of vinegar >interviewer doodles on notepad while Peterson starts to work up a good steam, eventually crying and going red >intern posts the interview on YouTube with click bait title, hundreds of teens download it and make My little dark age edits over it What a time to be alive
: Anonymous 06/05/22(Sun)15:23:37 No.879538671 >'So what's your opinion on toilet paper Mr Peterson Sir?' >Stares >Any and all warmth drain from face >Clench jaw muscles >Work up a good s-- 21 KB JPG >"Toilet paper. You're asking me about toilet paper?" >Deafening silence as Peterson crosses his hands and internally debates on the coolest looking pose he could strike while having a existential crisis again >Works up a good s--, like a nice strong whine and good ole fat tears >Interviewer nervously chuckles, Peterson's stare hardens >"Toilet paper is necessary", he whispers >"I'm sorry what was that?" >He looks down and then back up, and then back down again and back up, jaw muscles clenching and endulating with the experience of years of affecting a deep emotional turmoil >uncrosses his hand, crosses legs, briefly brings up hand to his face before crossing his hands again and leaning forward >"Toilet paper is the quintessential backbone of modern society," he cries out, his voice now higher than the female interviewer's >Rant about human history and the availability of toilet paper being so sure a sign of unfathomable luck that any who does not see it might as well rip out their eyes and down them with a bottle of vinegar >interviewer doodles on notepad while Peterson starts to work up a good steam, eventually crying and going red >intern posts the interview on YouTube with click bait title, hundreds of teens download it and make My little dark age edits over it What a time to be alive

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Anon is the chadman | /r/Greentext

06/05/22(Sun)10:13:01 No.879535187 : Anonymous I am the Chadman > be me > 20, tall and working out but shy af, wearing glasses, only shirts and having weird haircut 74 KB JPG > every friday I take black tight T-shirt so muscles are visible, change my haircut to a really hot stuff, blue lenses > go to club solo and get girls, new friends, then hook up with these girls, sometimes fight with someone > going only solo, without any real life friends > everyone thinks that I play only league every friday evening > mfw only I know the truth > mfw I am a real life superhero It isnt a larp anons
06/05/22(Sun)10:13:01 No.879535187 : Anonymous I am the Chadman > be me > 20, tall and working out but shy af, wearing glasses, only shirts and having weird haircut 74 KB JPG > every friday I take black tight T-shirt so muscles are visible, change my haircut to a really hot stuff, blue lenses > go to club solo and get girls, new friends, then hook up with these girls, sometimes fight with someone > going only solo, without any real life friends > everyone thinks that I play only league every friday evening > mfw only I know the truth > mfw I am a real life superhero It isnt a larp anons

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anon browses r/antiwork | /r/Greentext

welchs 274169 Nood PR Carl Theor Carib arib COOK Carib C ALLERGIES >apply to jobs that are not transparent with their hourly pay and only imply that it's good >use fake name >lie out of my ass in the application in order to ensure they call me >get told their pay during the interview >they always aren't good >ghost them >post their hourly wage on Google reviews, and put a 1 star if it's particularly s--- f--- you, be transparent you stingy cucks pic related
welchs 274169 Nood PR Carl Theor Carib arib COOK Carib C ALLERGIES >apply to jobs that are not transparent with their hourly pay and only imply that it's good >use fake name >lie out of my ass in the application in order to ensure they call me >get told their pay during the interview >they always aren't good >ghost them >post their hourly wage on Google reviews, and put a 1 star if it's particularly s--- f--- you, be transparent you stingy cucks pic related

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He shouLd start tHrOwInG tHeM bAcK | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 143 KB PNG what do i do 02/11/19(Mon) 20:26:32 No.792417785 >in my room >dad yelling at me because abusive >calls me a retard >autism kicks in > "takes one to know one" he's throwing bottles at me now
: Anonymous 143 KB PNG what do i do 02/11/19(Mon) 20:26:32 No.792417785 >in my room >dad yelling at me because abusive >calls me a retard >autism kicks in > "takes one to know one" he's throwing bottles at me now

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