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Anon is a functioning member of society. | /r/Greentext

08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." : Anonymous 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends
08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." : Anonymous 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends

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Anon read nietzsche | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: LIRI7Taz 01/04/16(Mon)03:15:22 No.59990782 >be nietzsche >recognize early in life that nihilism is going to be the bane of human existence 115 KB JPG >work desperately to show that there can be a pursuit of meaning in spite of the collapse of religion >write yourself into a philosophy-induced nervous breakdown trying to show that we can overcome nihilism by pursuing passion, art, self-ownership and struggle >100+ years later >f----- teenagers think that you are a nihilist and claim to use your philosophy to justify hedonistic meaningless living
: Anonymous (ID: LIRI7Taz 01/04/16(Mon)03:15:22 No.59990782 >be nietzsche >recognize early in life that nihilism is going to be the bane of human existence 115 KB JPG >work desperately to show that there can be a pursuit of meaning in spite of the collapse of religion >write yourself into a philosophy-induced nervous breakdown trying to show that we can overcome nihilism by pursuing passion, art, self-ownership and struggle >100+ years later >f----- teenagers think that you are a nihilist and claim to use your philosophy to justify hedonistic meaningless living

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Anon’s Doctor wants him to cut back | /r/Greentext

06/06/22 (Mon)08:18:57 No.68934954 Anonymous >be me, at the doctor's office because sometimes when I j------- (like 1 in 10 times) I'll get a sharp pain in my taint area, like there's a muscle there cramping 128 KB JPG >Doctor walks in, young guy, says "So Mr. Anon, I hear you're having pain in an unfortunate place?" >Explain my situation to him, he's taking notes and he asks "Does this occur during just intercourse or m----------- or does it occur in both?" >I'm a virgin, but don't want to tell him that so I say, "Just when I masturbate." >He asks "And how many times a month do you say you masturbate?" >I'm a little confused by the question, do quick maths in my head (3 times a day times 30 days is 90) and say "Maybe a little under a hundred times a month" >Doctor stops taking notes, looks up at me and just stares for a minute before saying "Excuse me?" >I repeat my answer >Doctor looks confused and says "Almost a hundred times a month?" >I say "Well, yeah, since daily it's about-" >Doctor interrupts me with a surprised, "Daily??" >I don't know what to say and just sit there quietly >Doctor seems lost for words and says "Let me ask you this, how many times today have you masturbated?" >The truth is twice today, but I'm getting embarrassed by his reaction and say "Just once" >"And you plan to masturbate again today, after already having done it once?" >I shrug and nod my head at the same time >Doctor sighs and shakes his head, goes back to writing notes >"How about this," the doctor says, "Let's try and cut back to just a couple times a week and see how that works for a month. After a month, you come back in to see me and we'll see if you're still having this pain." >I'm so embarrassed at this point that I just say "Okay" even though he hasn't explained to me what this pain I've had is Well, it's not no fap, but I think it's just as difficult for me to cut to "a couple times a week"
06/06/22 (Mon)08:18:57 No.68934954 Anonymous >be me, at the doctor's office because sometimes when I j------- (like 1 in 10 times) I'll get a sharp pain in my taint area, like there's a muscle there cramping 128 KB JPG >Doctor walks in, young guy, says "So Mr. Anon, I hear you're having pain in an unfortunate place?" >Explain my situation to him, he's taking notes and he asks "Does this occur during just intercourse or m----------- or does it occur in both?" >I'm a virgin, but don't want to tell him that so I say, "Just when I masturbate." >He asks "And how many times a month do you say you masturbate?" >I'm a little confused by the question, do quick maths in my head (3 times a day times 30 days is 90) and say "Maybe a little under a hundred times a month" >Doctor stops taking notes, looks up at me and just stares for a minute before saying "Excuse me?" >I repeat my answer >Doctor looks confused and says "Almost a hundred times a month?" >I say "Well, yeah, since daily it's about-" >Doctor interrupts me with a surprised, "Daily??" >I don't know what to say and just sit there quietly >Doctor seems lost for words and says "Let me ask you this, how many times today have you masturbated?" >The truth is twice today, but I'm getting embarrassed by his reaction and say "Just once" >"And you plan to masturbate again today, after already having done it once?" >I shrug and nod my head at the same time >Doctor sighs and shakes his head, goes back to writing notes >"How about this," the doctor says, "Let's try and cut back to just a couple times a week and see how that works for a month. After a month, you come back in to see me and we'll see if you're still having this pain." >I'm so embarrassed at this point that I just say "Okay" even though he hasn't explained to me what this pain I've had is Well, it's not no fap, but I think it's just as difficult for me to cut to "a couple times a week"

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unfathomably based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 1g56Z1vK 06/02/22(Thu)12:11:37 No.49314384 >be me >bankrupt >looking for work >decide to try going in and asking in person if they need workers >build up the courage to walk into a place and ask 51 KB JPG >"h-hey you guys wouldnt be hiring by any chance?" >cute girl at the desk reponds >"you need to try apply through (generic job website)" >"ok ive tried that, i thought that it would be faster if i came in and actually spoke to so-..." >"yeah well you need to try apply through (generic job website)" i give up : Anonymous (ID: AtEP6T31) 06/02/22(Thu)12:15:19 No.49314429 >>49314384 (OP) # >enter thread >ignore OP >click picture >oggle at her t--- >ponder for a while >save to private folder >write this reply >give no bump >leave thread >>49315355 # >>49318088 # >>49318132 #
: Anonymous (ID: 1g56Z1vK 06/02/22(Thu)12:11:37 No.49314384 >be me >bankrupt >looking for work >decide to try going in and asking in person if they need workers >build up the courage to walk into a place and ask 51 KB JPG >"h-hey you guys wouldnt be hiring by any chance?" >cute girl at the desk reponds >"you need to try apply through (generic job website)" >"ok ive tried that, i thought that it would be faster if i came in and actually spoke to so-..." >"yeah well you need to try apply through (generic job website)" i give up : Anonymous (ID: AtEP6T31) 06/02/22(Thu)12:15:19 No.49314429 >>49314384 (OP) # >enter thread >ignore OP >click picture >oggle at her t--- >ponder for a while >save to private folder >write this reply >give no bump >leave thread >>49315355 # >>49318088 # >>49318132 #

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Anon commits battery for loaf. | /r/Greentext

four hundred thousand keks >be me >12 7 KB JPG >going to the store with my dad >just before big hurricane >takes last bread loaf >some lady snatches it from his cart >he tears it back >"buht, whee need it more!" >it was in my cart, just go to a different store or f----- deal >"noe!!! >she takes it, starts running >my 12 year old ass thinks it would be funny if i threw a can of beans at her >hits her head >shes out cold >dad looks at me >I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDNT MEAN TO KNOCK HER OUT >he laughs and picks up the loaf >we leave >made a sandwitch with that bread >f----- lol
four hundred thousand keks >be me >12 7 KB JPG >going to the store with my dad >just before big hurricane >takes last bread loaf >some lady snatches it from his cart >he tears it back >"buht, whee need it more!" >it was in my cart, just go to a different store or f----- deal >"noe!!! >she takes it, starts running >my 12 year old ass thinks it would be funny if i threw a can of beans at her >hits her head >shes out cold >dad looks at me >I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDNT MEAN TO KNOCK HER OUT >he laughs and picks up the loaf >we leave >made a sandwitch with that bread >f----- lol

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Anon plays a game | /r/Greentext

1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined
1607397557617.png 58 KB PNG >win game >feel nothing >lose game >day ruined

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Anon posts the frog | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 61 KB JPG 12/13/20(Sun)18:54:51 No.6136 >I post the frog >they see the frog and get mad >they say mean things to me >I get sad >i want to feel happy again >frog makes me happy >I post the frog
Anonymous 61 KB JPG 12/13/20(Sun)18:54:51 No.6136 >I post the frog >they see the frog and get mad >they say mean things to me >I get sad >i want to feel happy again >frog makes me happy >I post the frog

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The Gothic wars | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)09:49:02 No.68935671 >be me >autistic manlet >best friend is a big, tall goth chick >she constantly bullies me in a friendly way 22 KB JPG >s--- like calling me a silly little boy and making fun of my autism >does s--- like wrestles me, gives me headlocks, sits on me >start fantasizing about her dominating me >get to a point where it's all i j------- too >decide i need to tell her >"kek, i know anon" >ask if she'd f--- me >"only in your dreams" >d--- harder than it's ever been in my life What the f--- do I do? I don't even want to f--- a normal girl anymore. I only get hard thinking of my best friend bullying me.
: Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)09:49:02 No.68935671 >be me >autistic manlet >best friend is a big, tall goth chick >she constantly bullies me in a friendly way 22 KB JPG >s--- like calling me a silly little boy and making fun of my autism >does s--- like wrestles me, gives me headlocks, sits on me >start fantasizing about her dominating me >get to a point where it's all i j------- too >decide i need to tell her >"kek, i know anon" >ask if she'd f--- me >"only in your dreams" >d--- harder than it's ever been in my life What the f--- do I do? I don't even want to f--- a normal girl anymore. I only get hard thinking of my best friend bullying me.

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eminem goes on 4chan | /r/Greentext


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anon on road trip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)12:26:49 >Family forces me to join them in a 2 week road trip >see nothing but empty desert for hours as my soul begins to leave my body and I become a frozen empty husk 139 KB JPG >first stop a F------ Windmill >Family does nothing but take pictures and stare at the horizon for 30 minutes >go back into the road, loop continues >the only interesting thing I saw was 3 crackhead hobos fighting each other in the back of a diner I had to endure this for 2 and a half weeks I don't even think my family is human anymore. I mean what sane person enjoys this? : Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)12:28:36 No.879604713 >>879604669 (OP) # ur a idiot no sympathy from us get a life u dweeb No.879604669
: Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)12:26:49 >Family forces me to join them in a 2 week road trip >see nothing but empty desert for hours as my soul begins to leave my body and I become a frozen empty husk 139 KB JPG >first stop a F------ Windmill >Family does nothing but take pictures and stare at the horizon for 30 minutes >go back into the road, loop continues >the only interesting thing I saw was 3 crackhead hobos fighting each other in the back of a diner I had to endure this for 2 and a half weeks I don't even think my family is human anymore. I mean what sane person enjoys this? : Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)12:28:36 No.879604713 >>879604669 (OP) # ur a idiot no sympathy from us get a life u dweeb No.879604669

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Anon drinks tea | /r/Greentext

Mint Jams >be me >discover awesome Japanese jazz fusion band "Casiopea" >love them so much order vinyl record from eBay japan Casiopea 130 KB JPG >it arrives in immaculate condition along with two little origami cranes and a pack of tea >little hand written note in English (guy put huge effort into making it look nice) from the seller hoping for the buying experience to be positive and is sealed with real wax seal >make the tea and put the record on in my finished basement >listening to mint jams with origami crane friends >start to cry because nobody will ever love me as much as that random Japanese man >tea is f------ bomb ass delicious- I thought I just didn't like tea before that >sadness becomes warm feeling of gratitude and joy >doomer to bloomer just like that Is this why y'all love weeb s---? That was one of the nicer evenings in my life.
Mint Jams >be me >discover awesome Japanese jazz fusion band "Casiopea" >love them so much order vinyl record from eBay japan Casiopea 130 KB JPG >it arrives in immaculate condition along with two little origami cranes and a pack of tea >little hand written note in English (guy put huge effort into making it look nice) from the seller hoping for the buying experience to be positive and is sealed with real wax seal >make the tea and put the record on in my finished basement >listening to mint jams with origami crane friends >start to cry because nobody will ever love me as much as that random Japanese man >tea is f------ bomb ass delicious- I thought I just didn't like tea before that >sadness becomes warm feeling of gratitude and joy >doomer to bloomer just like that Is this why y'all love weeb s---? That was one of the nicer evenings in my life.

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Fair weather fan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)08:34:37 No.68935061 >Be me >Best friend decides to become a prostitute and ends up addicted to drugs >Is the only person there for her during the next six months and you just run around after her cleaning up her messes 15 KB JPG >tfwyou'renotequippedforthisshit.jpg >She tries to kill herself and ends up in the psych ward >Is her emergency contact and pretty much her only line of support during this time as well >Begs the nurse at the hospital to keep her in there for a bit so you can take a break >They don't listen and let her out so you spend more time helping her heal and recover but she ends up doing drugs again >The emotional toll from her behaviour pretty much ruins you and you become depressed as f--- and get diagnosed with anxiety >Fast forward a few weeks and she has an emotional revelation and says she's stable and healthy now and off drugs >Acknowledges that you're a wreck rn >"Sorry if I distance myself from you anon, you're just really emotionally toxic right now and I don't need it in my life" Should I seppuku myself now or later? I spent a whole year trying to "fix" my best friend only for her to turn around and say this.
: Anonymous 06/06/22(Mon)08:34:37 No.68935061 >Be me >Best friend decides to become a prostitute and ends up addicted to drugs >Is the only person there for her during the next six months and you just run around after her cleaning up her messes 15 KB JPG >tfwyou'renotequippedforthisshit.jpg >She tries to kill herself and ends up in the psych ward >Is her emergency contact and pretty much her only line of support during this time as well >Begs the nurse at the hospital to keep her in there for a bit so you can take a break >They don't listen and let her out so you spend more time helping her heal and recover but she ends up doing drugs again >The emotional toll from her behaviour pretty much ruins you and you become depressed as f--- and get diagnosed with anxiety >Fast forward a few weeks and she has an emotional revelation and says she's stable and healthy now and off drugs >Acknowledges that you're a wreck rn >"Sorry if I distance myself from you anon, you're just really emotionally toxic right now and I don't need it in my life" Should I seppuku myself now or later? I spent a whole year trying to "fix" my best friend only for her to turn around and say this.

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anon plays trap strip chess | /r/Greentext

Are ya winning son? >be me playing intense 1v1 online game (chess) >im actually pretty good despite being a complete retard irl >dominate every player 93 KB JPG >get really high rank >stumble upon this obscure player >he's the first who manages to beat me >rematch >loseagain.jpg >repeat Xx30 >he sends a link to his discord in chat >add him >he's pretty wholesome & chill >we start to play random games togheter and just hang out on discord >ffw 4 weeks >he sends a pic of him crossdressing with the caption "if you want to see the rest beat me at chess" >his thighs and his skinny tummy are exposed >my meat is literally trembling >challenge him >lose again
Are ya winning son? >be me playing intense 1v1 online game (chess) >im actually pretty good despite being a complete retard irl >dominate every player 93 KB JPG >get really high rank >stumble upon this obscure player >he's the first who manages to beat me >rematch >loseagain.jpg >repeat Xx30 >he sends a link to his discord in chat >add him >he's pretty wholesome & chill >we start to play random games togheter and just hang out on discord >ffw 4 weeks >he sends a pic of him crossdressing with the caption "if you want to see the rest beat me at chess" >his thighs and his skinny tummy are exposed >my meat is literally trembling >challenge him >lose again

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Anon is from India | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 124 KB PNG 01/21/20(Tue)21:13:24 No.56381850 >be indian >get my designated wife by 25 despite being a loser
Anonymous 124 KB PNG 01/21/20(Tue)21:13:24 No.56381850 >be indian >get my designated wife by 25 despite being a loser

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Anon is a Gentoo user | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/10/20(Fri)01:54:50 No.76704660 >"Pull up Anons google search history, Bill" >"What do you mean "he doesnt have a google account"?" >"check his facebook messages then" 20 KB JPG >"What the hell, no facebook either?" >"this guy spends 12 hours a day on his computer what does he do all day" >"no cellphone activity? Does this guy not have a girlfriend or friends?" >"check his IP logs then" >"Its all encrypted? This guy uses VPNs and Tor?" >"Well Bill just hack into his pc through the windows backdoor the boys at nsa gave us >what the f--- is a gentoo? " >"His f------ kernel is deblobbed too?" >"for f---- sake just access his intel management engine with the software Mossad gave us" >"what the f--- is a libreboot?" >"this f----- is using a 12 year old cpu?" >"F--- this lets raid his house" >"he lives in his moms house too"?
: Anonymous 07/10/20(Fri)01:54:50 No.76704660 >"Pull up Anons google search history, Bill" >"What do you mean "he doesnt have a google account"?" >"check his facebook messages then" 20 KB JPG >"What the hell, no facebook either?" >"this guy spends 12 hours a day on his computer what does he do all day" >"no cellphone activity? Does this guy not have a girlfriend or friends?" >"check his IP logs then" >"Its all encrypted? This guy uses VPNs and Tor?" >"Well Bill just hack into his pc through the windows backdoor the boys at nsa gave us >what the f--- is a gentoo? " >"His f------ kernel is deblobbed too?" >"for f---- sake just access his intel management engine with the software Mossad gave us" >"what the f--- is a libreboot?" >"this f----- is using a 12 year old cpu?" >"F--- this lets raid his house" >"he lives in his moms house too"?

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anon has his revenge | /r/Greentext


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anon is angry | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 22 KB JPG 04/19/21 (Mon)01:30:34 No.852427346 >be school in Florida >worried trans kids will make sports unfair >mandate "genital inspection of minors" >literally enable sexual abuse of children
Anonymous 22 KB JPG 04/19/21 (Mon)01:30:34 No.852427346 >be school in Florida >worried trans kids will make sports unfair >mandate "genital inspection of minors" >literally enable sexual abuse of children

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Anon gets asked a question. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:35:14 No.48765262 >at bar >about to leave because I'm pretty tired >guy comes up to me and says: "are you into Asian girls?" 146 KB PNG >Think it's a weird conversation starter so he's either a pimp or a weirdo, either way don't want to engage in conversation, just want to go home. >Blow him off by saying: "I'm leaving right now dude" >He says "ok" and goes up to a group of people including an Asian girl. >As I'm leaving see him talk to them and the girl starts looking upset >mfw realise the girl had sent her friend over to see if I was interested in her. He should have just said it instead of being vague, doesn't he know how autistic I am?
: Anonymous 10/18/18(Thu)19:35:14 No.48765262 >at bar >about to leave because I'm pretty tired >guy comes up to me and says: "are you into Asian girls?" 146 KB PNG >Think it's a weird conversation starter so he's either a pimp or a weirdo, either way don't want to engage in conversation, just want to go home. >Blow him off by saying: "I'm leaving right now dude" >He says "ok" and goes up to a group of people including an Asian girl. >As I'm leaving see him talk to them and the girl starts looking upset >mfw realise the girl had sent her friend over to see if I was interested in her. He should have just said it instead of being vague, doesn't he know how autistic I am?

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Anon knows the best deals | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/07/22(Mon)09:59:57 No.1770307 ✓ >>1770312 >>1769478 >don't own a car >walk to store >buy weekly groceries for $50 VS >buy car for $40,000 >buy insurance for $1500 >pay $200 a month for gas >buy $120 costco membership >go to costco and spend $45 >"woah I'm so good with money, I just saved myself $5"
Anonymous 03/07/22(Mon)09:59:57 No.1770307 ✓ >>1770312 >>1769478 >don't own a car >walk to store >buy weekly groceries for $50 VS >buy car for $40,000 >buy insurance for $1500 >pay $200 a month for gas >buy $120 costco membership >go to costco and spend $45 >"woah I'm so good with money, I just saved myself $5"

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Anon is a BMW owner | /r/Greentext

E file.png 75 KB PNG >genie light comes on >wish for infinite wishes >engine explodes shouldnt have tried to fool him >>25439915 # >>25441515 # >>25444652 # >>25447053 # >>25455269 #
E file.png 75 KB PNG >genie light comes on >wish for infinite wishes >engine explodes shouldnt have tried to fool him >>25439915 # >>25441515 # >>25444652 # >>25447053 # >>25455269 #

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