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Anon gets blue balls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >Be me >Watching p--- >Amateur couple >She's on top of him 7 KB JPG >They're gazing deep into each other's eyes very lovingly >"You're my best friend" she says to him while smiling >"You're my best friend too" He replies back to her >Realize that I can't j------- to such a wholesome video of two lovers having intimacy >Stop watching video >No longer have it in me to c-- so I just sit there and get blue balls Mfw 2 Replies View Thread 06/12/22(Sun)01:45:20 No.879974964
: Anonymous >Be me >Watching p--- >Amateur couple >She's on top of him 7 KB JPG >They're gazing deep into each other's eyes very lovingly >"You're my best friend" she says to him while smiling >"You're my best friend too" He replies back to her >Realize that I can't j------- to such a wholesome video of two lovers having intimacy >Stop watching video >No longer have it in me to c-- so I just sit there and get blue balls Mfw 2 Replies View Thread 06/12/22(Sun)01:45:20 No.879974964

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Anons investment pays off | /r/Greentext

5m (9/20 9:39)-863436421 2 Re 2 Img JPG 1MB (1080 × 2220) 1 Reply >superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass >take their wallets >repeat I made $800 in a month doing this
5m (9/20 9:39)-863436421 2 Re 2 Img JPG 1MB (1080 × 2220) 1 Reply >superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass >take their wallets >repeat I made $800 in a month doing this

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Anon becomes empowered | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/14/18(Sat)09:23:00 No.46793130 >be me >have twin sister >she starts menstruating at 12 >feel left out >start scraping the inside of my rectum 806 KB PNG with a toothbrush >causes it to bleed >insert tampon >feel feminine and empowered >46793182 # >>46793386 #
: Anonymous 07/14/18(Sat)09:23:00 No.46793130 >be me >have twin sister >she starts menstruating at 12 >feel left out >start scraping the inside of my rectum 806 KB PNG with a toothbrush >causes it to bleed >insert tampon >feel feminine and empowered >46793182 # >>46793386 #

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Anon is accurate | /r/Greentext

> hannah @hanalyzed The dating pool for young women is literally - P--- addicts - "Sensitive" guys you have to perform constant emotional labour for - Narcissistic (if not sociopathic) gym bros - Emotionally distant manipulators - Performative "woke" men who still treat women like s--- Anonymous 07/22/20(Wed)23:38:22 No.96910896 So basically > Guys who post 4chan > Guys who post on reddit > Guys who post on instagram > Guys who post on linkedin > Guys who post on twitter
> hannah @hanalyzed The dating pool for young women is literally - P--- addicts - "Sensitive" guys you have to perform constant emotional labour for - Narcissistic (if not sociopathic) gym bros - Emotionally distant manipulators - Performative "woke" men who still treat women like s--- Anonymous 07/22/20(Wed)23:38:22 No.96910896 So basically > Guys who post 4chan > Guys who post on reddit > Guys who post on instagram > Guys who post on linkedin > Guys who post on twitter

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Anon is too shy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >me at the gym V >see girl bench pressing w/o spotter >omg she is going to hurt herself >says nothing to avoid giving creep vibes >do my thing, half an hour passes >hear a terrible scream 64 KB JPG >apparently she broke her clavicle >she would probably carry that injury for a couple of years >is this my fault? i feel is my fault. 06/11/22(Sat)23:20:46 No.879947955
: Anonymous >me at the gym V >see girl bench pressing w/o spotter >omg she is going to hurt herself >says nothing to avoid giving creep vibes >do my thing, half an hour passes >hear a terrible scream 64 KB JPG >apparently she broke her clavicle >she would probably carry that injury for a couple of years >is this my fault? i feel is my fault. 06/11/22(Sat)23:20:46 No.879947955

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Balkan Moment | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/30/21(Tue)01:13:03 No.155774893 Imagine if instead of killing each other slavs worked together. We could steal every car in Germany in three days.
Anonymous 11/30/21(Tue)01:13:03 No.155774893 Imagine if instead of killing each other slavs worked together. We could steal every car in Germany in three days.

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Anon being germ*n | /r/Greentext

No.87571996 11 hours ago Germany >Jurgen WHY THE F--- CANT YOU JUST WRITE JUERGEN ITS F------ JUERGEN IF YOU DONT HAVE AN UMLAUT HIS NAME IS NOT JURGEN 25 replies No.87572151 11 hours ago * Israel >>87571996 how about killing yourself you disgusting germ*n 24 replies No.87572244 11 hours ago Germany >>87572151 how about you leave through the chimney like your grandpa 32 replies ●●● ●●● ●●●
No.87571996 11 hours ago Germany >Jurgen WHY THE F--- CANT YOU JUST WRITE JUERGEN ITS F------ JUERGEN IF YOU DONT HAVE AN UMLAUT HIS NAME IS NOT JURGEN 25 replies No.87572151 11 hours ago * Israel >>87571996 how about killing yourself you disgusting germ*n 24 replies No.87572244 11 hours ago Germany >>87572151 how about you leave through the chimney like your grandpa 32 replies ●●● ●●● ●●●

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Anon is suffering | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: fLN+Eukj) 06/11/22(Sat) 19:03:14 No.49539966 291 KB PNG >can't hold cash because inflation >can't hold stocks because crashing >can't hold crypto because crashing >can't hold gold because manipulated >can't hold assets because interest rates crashing market >can't short due scamwicks Anonymous (ID: CA/T2/T7) 06/11/22(Sat) 19:04:03 No.49539975 1/22(Sat)1 you're gonna hold that spatula and be happy
Anonymous (ID: fLN+Eukj) 06/11/22(Sat) 19:03:14 No.49539966 291 KB PNG >can't hold cash because inflation >can't hold stocks because crashing >can't hold crypto because crashing >can't hold gold because manipulated >can't hold assets because interest rates crashing market >can't short due scamwicks Anonymous (ID: CA/T2/T7) 06/11/22(Sat) 19:04:03 No.49539975 1/22(Sat)1 you're gonna hold that spatula and be happy

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Anon gets caught by his teacher | /r/Greentext

12/03/21(Fri)17:10:37 No.867916346 : Anonymous Parents ignored school shooter's depression >teacher caught him searching gun ammunition in school and contacted his parents 188 KB JPG >mom later sent him a text with "lol" and told him not to get caught next time >few days later teacher catches him drawing pictures of a gun and bullet with "my life is s---" and "kill classmates" quotes >contacted his parents again >they downplayed it and wanted him to go back to class >later on that day his dad sent him a text "please don't do it" after discovering his gun was missing 51 Replies / 4 Images View Thread
12/03/21(Fri)17:10:37 No.867916346 : Anonymous Parents ignored school shooter's depression >teacher caught him searching gun ammunition in school and contacted his parents 188 KB JPG >mom later sent him a text with "lol" and told him not to get caught next time >few days later teacher catches him drawing pictures of a gun and bullet with "my life is s---" and "kill classmates" quotes >contacted his parents again >they downplayed it and wanted him to go back to class >later on that day his dad sent him a text "please don't do it" after discovering his gun was missing 51 Replies / 4 Images View Thread

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Anon is waiting for the Nobel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/31/20(Sat)08:53:58 No.838978048 I just had the perfect idea. >vasectomies are reversible >[lightbulb] >enforce a new law 719 KB PNG >every child with a penis and testicles over the age of 5 must have a vasectomy performed on them >the vasectomy may not be legally reversed until the child becomes an adult and deliberately decides that he wants children >reversal is free >libtards are happy because they can f--- each other day in and day out without worrying about making babies >conservatrash is happy because abortions have dropped to zero as they are now rendered obsolete >where's my nobel Thoughts?
: Anonymous 10/31/20(Sat)08:53:58 No.838978048 I just had the perfect idea. >vasectomies are reversible >[lightbulb] >enforce a new law 719 KB PNG >every child with a penis and testicles over the age of 5 must have a vasectomy performed on them >the vasectomy may not be legally reversed until the child becomes an adult and deliberately decides that he wants children >reversal is free >libtards are happy because they can f--- each other day in and day out without worrying about making babies >conservatrash is happy because abortions have dropped to zero as they are now rendered obsolete >where's my nobel Thoughts?

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Jarl balgruuf | /r/Greentext

OLE meficrow: >random guy in s--- tier iron armor shows up one day saying a dragon is burning down a city >don't know why the guards let him in >figure I can throw another body at my court wizard so I shuffle him over >Comes back with arrows sticking out of his body and holding the tablet out for my court wizard like its nothing >Hear reports someone killed literally every bandit, rat, wolf, and rabbit between here and the spot he was sent >I now need to get this pain immune lunatic murderer out of my city. >Dragon shows up >Ohthankthegods >Send the guy out on a suicide mission to kill a dragon >End of my worries >He comes back, apparently having killed the dragon and eaten its soul >According to reports just stood there and let the dragon burn him while chugging addictive and dangerous health potions he made himself. >Now standing in front of me eating an entire bushel of apples, two loaves of bread, and an entire side of beef while everyone looks on in horror and disgust >Need to get him away from my children as fast as possible >Tell him he needs to climb the tallest mountain in Skyrim and stay with the Graybeards >He leaves without a word >Hopefully thats the last I'll see of him.
OLE meficrow: >random guy in s--- tier iron armor shows up one day saying a dragon is burning down a city >don't know why the guards let him in >figure I can throw another body at my court wizard so I shuffle him over >Comes back with arrows sticking out of his body and holding the tablet out for my court wizard like its nothing >Hear reports someone killed literally every bandit, rat, wolf, and rabbit between here and the spot he was sent >I now need to get this pain immune lunatic murderer out of my city. >Dragon shows up >Ohthankthegods >Send the guy out on a suicide mission to kill a dragon >End of my worries >He comes back, apparently having killed the dragon and eaten its soul >According to reports just stood there and let the dragon burn him while chugging addictive and dangerous health potions he made himself. >Now standing in front of me eating an entire bushel of apples, two loaves of bread, and an entire side of beef while everyone looks on in horror and disgust >Need to get him away from my children as fast as possible >Tell him he needs to climb the tallest mountain in Skyrim and stay with the Graybeards >He leaves without a word >Hopefully thats the last I'll see of him.

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Anon formally apologize | /r/Greentext

06/12/22(Sun)06:42:26 No.879968580 >be me >autistic >browse this cursed forum >give my retarded opinion on something >someome replied "shut your autistic ass up you retard" >w--... how did he know about my medical condition! >i thought this site was based on anonymity >i would like to formerly apologise for everthing i said here >pls black anon don't come to my house : Anonymous 133 KB JPG
06/12/22(Sun)06:42:26 No.879968580 >be me >autistic >browse this cursed forum >give my retarded opinion on something >someome replied "shut your autistic ass up you retard" >w--... how did he know about my medical condition! >i thought this site was based on anonymity >i would like to formerly apologise for everthing i said here >pls black anon don't come to my house : Anonymous 133 KB JPG

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Anon learns about continents | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/11/22(Sat)21:49:06 No.879962523 >be me >Junior high >Keep hearing people talking about youth in Asia >People are very against them >Find myself wondering what the youth in Asia are doing 1.63 MB PNG >People get upset when I ask what is wrong with youth in Asia >Stop asking about it and keep curiosity to myself >Had graduated highschool by the time I realized it was euthanasia I am not a clever man...
Anonymous 06/11/22(Sat)21:49:06 No.879962523 >be me >Junior high >Keep hearing people talking about youth in Asia >People are very against them >Find myself wondering what the youth in Asia are doing 1.63 MB PNG >People get upset when I ask what is wrong with youth in Asia >Stop asking about it and keep curiosity to myself >Had graduated highschool by the time I realized it was euthanasia I am not a clever man...

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Anon pays his phone bill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 714912237 >be me >6'2" white dude >phone bill is due >use Cricket >used a fake name for the account because they don't check ID >don't remember what it is >go to Cricket store >black dude working >give him my number >he looks up my name with my phone number >"Tyrone Watermelon" >ohfuck.jpg >he looks shocked >looks up at me >"your name is Tyrone Watermelon?" >straight face >"Yes." >"really?" >"Yeah." >pay my bill >all he can say is "...have a nice day" >leave >mfw
Anonymous 714912237 >be me >6'2" white dude >phone bill is due >use Cricket >used a fake name for the account because they don't check ID >don't remember what it is >go to Cricket store >black dude working >give him my number >he looks up my name with my phone number >"Tyrone Watermelon" >ohfuck.jpg >he looks shocked >looks up at me >"your name is Tyrone Watermelon?" >straight face >"Yes." >"really?" >"Yeah." >pay my bill >all he can say is "...have a nice day" >leave >mfw

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Would you take the job? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous would you take this $500,000 j(...) if there was a job offered to you that was $500k a year, would you take it? job description: >every day, you have to take a dump in front of an audience 50 KB JPG >the audience you never see. you just know it's 100 people behind one of those 1-sided see-through mirrors >they record it with a video camera to watch later but NOBODY ELSE EVER SEES IT >you HAVE TO keep the job for 5 years >while you take a dump (completely naked btw) a 10/10 girl is standing in there with you, talking to you like a baby with encouragement "wow who's a big boy, keep pushing anon! i believe in you. wow that's a big poopie!" >you literally have to do a standing squat position and s--- right on the floor and walk out of the room without wiping at all. then you can use the shower >if you use the provided shower, the same female bathes you with soap and a sponge, being very supportive "wow anon that was a big poopy, you're such a big boy lol!" >if for whatever reason you wanted to get another job after the 5 years, they agreed that you could put any job on your resume and they'd lie about it >if you don't last the entire 5 years, they take all of the money back (unless there's some medical emergency) >even if you don't have to poop you have to stand there at least 10 minutes, squatting while the girl encourages you to take a dump >the company will hire a personal chauffer to drive you to and from the place if you want >after you take a dump there's a gormet chicken tendie and pizza platter if you so choose >no drug tests would you take this job? 06/11/22(Sat) 19:34:35 No.69004501
: Anonymous would you take this $500,000 j(...) if there was a job offered to you that was $500k a year, would you take it? job description: >every day, you have to take a dump in front of an audience 50 KB JPG >the audience you never see. you just know it's 100 people behind one of those 1-sided see-through mirrors >they record it with a video camera to watch later but NOBODY ELSE EVER SEES IT >you HAVE TO keep the job for 5 years >while you take a dump (completely naked btw) a 10/10 girl is standing in there with you, talking to you like a baby with encouragement "wow who's a big boy, keep pushing anon! i believe in you. wow that's a big poopie!" >you literally have to do a standing squat position and s--- right on the floor and walk out of the room without wiping at all. then you can use the shower >if you use the provided shower, the same female bathes you with soap and a sponge, being very supportive "wow anon that was a big poopy, you're such a big boy lol!" >if for whatever reason you wanted to get another job after the 5 years, they agreed that you could put any job on your resume and they'd lie about it >if you don't last the entire 5 years, they take all of the money back (unless there's some medical emergency) >even if you don't have to poop you have to stand there at least 10 minutes, squatting while the girl encourages you to take a dump >the company will hire a personal chauffer to drive you to and from the place if you want >after you take a dump there's a gormet chicken tendie and pizza platter if you so choose >no drug tests would you take this job? 06/11/22(Sat) 19:34:35 No.69004501

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Anon is an intern | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat) 13:59:22 No.53483337 >Be me >in order to get a degree i need to do an internship >work really hard but the company told me that they won't pay me >depression.jpeg 266 KB GIF >walking down the street >see an homeless people >feel sorry for him >give him some money >at least I make someone feel better >wait a minute >mfw today he earned more money than me Honk
: Anonymous 07/20/19(Sat) 13:59:22 No.53483337 >Be me >in order to get a degree i need to do an internship >work really hard but the company told me that they won't pay me >depression.jpeg 266 KB GIF >walking down the street >see an homeless people >feel sorry for him >give him some money >at least I make someone feel better >wait a minute >mfw today he earned more money than me Honk

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I'm in your walls | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Po 230 KB JPG 04/18/22(Mon)10:59:46 No.68269334 >staying stationary causes you to fall over >pedaling magically makes you balance How the f---?
: Anonymous Po 230 KB JPG 04/18/22(Mon)10:59:46 No.68269334 >staying stationary causes you to fall over >pedaling magically makes you balance How the f---?

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Anon has his first kiss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Does it count as kissing if yo(...) 06/10/22(Fri)17:50:53 No.68994585 >be blackbot >dating cute Iranian girl >we've only ever interacted online, me in secret because my dad would flay me if he knew I was talking to women online even though I'm 20 years old 35 KB JPG Not even supposed to be on here >last night I ask her to kiss me >she puts her lips on her screen and I do the same Does that count as my first kiss? : Anonymous 06/10/22(Fri) 17:52:37 No.68994611 No... no it does not
: Anonymous Does it count as kissing if yo(...) 06/10/22(Fri)17:50:53 No.68994585 >be blackbot >dating cute Iranian girl >we've only ever interacted online, me in secret because my dad would flay me if he knew I was talking to women online even though I'm 20 years old 35 KB JPG Not even supposed to be on here >last night I ask her to kiss me >she puts her lips on her screen and I do the same Does that count as my first kiss? : Anonymous 06/10/22(Fri) 17:52:37 No.68994611 No... no it does not

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Anon goes to hell | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/06/18(Fri)17:48:19 No.44469729 >die >go to hell >devil says I'm forced to browse 4chan for all eternity 7 KB PNG >says it's supposed to be ironic about my life or something >okay sure lol >6 billion years later >still cool with this
: Anonymous 04/06/18(Fri)17:48:19 No.44469729 >die >go to hell >devil says I'm forced to browse 4chan for all eternity 7 KB PNG >says it's supposed to be ironic about my life or something >okay sure lol >6 billion years later >still cool with this

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Anon's privacy gets violated | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 106 KB JPG : Anonymous 402 KB PNG 04/09/22(Sat)20:17:09 No.68140959 >mom cleans my room while i'm at work >have panic attack when i get home 04/09/22(Sat)20:19:01 No.68140986 >tfw mom organized the dildos by size
Anonymous 106 KB JPG : Anonymous 402 KB PNG 04/09/22(Sat)20:17:09 No.68140959 >mom cleans my room while i'm at work >have panic attack when i get home 04/09/22(Sat)20:19:01 No.68140986 >tfw mom organized the dildos by size

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