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Anon is malebrained | /r/Greentext

1h (5/23 10:05) 20676809 : 18 Re 3 Img JPG 1MB (1072 × 1683) 7 Replies Why are tranners so emotional? >three days ago, I asked my tranner gf to marry me while we're in our room >kind of looks like pic related, but a 3D human bean >"Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" >buries her face in the pillow, overcome with emotion, squeals like a pig while kicking her feet up and down >cries on and off out of happiness the rest of the night >yesterday morning, after I first wake up, I hear her singing a song to herself while cooking me breakfast >"I'm gonna be his wife, I'm gonna be his wife, I'm gonna be his wife, I'm gonna be his wife" Maybe I'm autistic or malebrained or both, but such a strong emotional response is fairly surprising. It should have been obvious for quite some time that I wanted marriage and was going to propose eventually.
1h (5/23 10:05) 20676809 : 18 Re 3 Img JPG 1MB (1072 × 1683) 7 Replies Why are tranners so emotional? >three days ago, I asked my tranner gf to marry me while we're in our room >kind of looks like pic related, but a 3D human bean >"Yes! Yes, yes, yes!" >buries her face in the pillow, overcome with emotion, squeals like a pig while kicking her feet up and down >cries on and off out of happiness the rest of the night >yesterday morning, after I first wake up, I hear her singing a song to herself while cooking me breakfast >"I'm gonna be his wife, I'm gonna be his wife, I'm gonna be his wife, I'm gonna be his wife" Maybe I'm autistic or malebrained or both, but such a strong emotional response is fairly surprising. It should have been obvious for quite some time that I wanted marriage and was going to propose eventually.

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Anon goes to Alaska | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/03/19(Mon)03:33:29 No.52729584 >be me >20 and just got license >go on road trip across canada >end up in alaska 609 KB PNG >stop at tourist place that lets you rent gold pans and pan for gold in their river >they let you keep whatever you find >spend an hour and a half and get nothing >not a single speck >go back in and turn in the pan >owner asks me if I need a container for my gold, I tell him I didn't find anything >about to leave when an older gentleman who was out there with me taps my shoulder >"here son" >hands me small glass vial with a few tiny nuggets >smile at this nice gesture and leave slightly happier than when I arrived Thanks for the gold, kind stranger
Anonymous 06/03/19(Mon)03:33:29 No.52729584 >be me >20 and just got license >go on road trip across canada >end up in alaska 609 KB PNG >stop at tourist place that lets you rent gold pans and pan for gold in their river >they let you keep whatever you find >spend an hour and a half and get nothing >not a single speck >go back in and turn in the pan >owner asks me if I need a container for my gold, I tell him I didn't find anything >about to leave when an older gentleman who was out there with me taps my shoulder >"here son" >hands me small glass vial with a few tiny nuggets >smile at this nice gesture and leave slightly happier than when I arrived Thanks for the gold, kind stranger

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Anon on rent | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)12:51:10 No.69012777 >live with parents saving money on rent >parents get grouchy asking me to move out >you're a grown man yada yada >move out for a year and visit on weekends regularly 73 KB PNG >parents want me back >why are you paying so much in rent? >you could be saving for a house please come back anon >mfw 2 Replies : Anonymous >>69012777 (OP) # grass is always greener don't know what you have until its gone boomers gonna boom etc View Thread 06/12/22(Sun)12:54:03 No.69012796
Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)12:51:10 No.69012777 >live with parents saving money on rent >parents get grouchy asking me to move out >you're a grown man yada yada >move out for a year and visit on weekends regularly 73 KB PNG >parents want me back >why are you paying so much in rent? >you could be saving for a house please come back anon >mfw 2 Replies : Anonymous >>69012777 (OP) # grass is always greener don't know what you have until its gone boomers gonna boom etc View Thread 06/12/22(Sun)12:54:03 No.69012796

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Anon is passing | /r/Greentext

Guys be honest, how badly did I f--- up >Be me, literally 20 minutes ago >Taking some summer courses at a local community college 69 KB JPG >The class is easy so I don't give too much of a f--- about it, however a lot of the other students are struggling with it for whatever reason >One of these students is a dude with severe stuttering, let's call him Chad >From what I can gather, Chad's kind of a c--- but everyone in the class loves him because he's charismatic and good looking >I am not an attractive man and I like to mind my business in class, so people generally tend to think that I'm actually retarded or that I'm just some weirdo >At some point during the semester, Chad starts to f--- with me a little >He'd make snide comments or start trouble with me in class >It never really bothered me, until early today when he decided to turn it up a notch >At this point he is openly mocking me and trying to embarrass me >I'm quiet, but I'm no bitch so I tell him to f--- right off >I tell him "At least I'm not barely passing the class like some retard." >"S-s-speak for yourself b-bro." >"At least I can."
Guys be honest, how badly did I f--- up >Be me, literally 20 minutes ago >Taking some summer courses at a local community college 69 KB JPG >The class is easy so I don't give too much of a f--- about it, however a lot of the other students are struggling with it for whatever reason >One of these students is a dude with severe stuttering, let's call him Chad >From what I can gather, Chad's kind of a c--- but everyone in the class loves him because he's charismatic and good looking >I am not an attractive man and I like to mind my business in class, so people generally tend to think that I'm actually retarded or that I'm just some weirdo >At some point during the semester, Chad starts to f--- with me a little >He'd make snide comments or start trouble with me in class >It never really bothered me, until early today when he decided to turn it up a notch >At this point he is openly mocking me and trying to embarrass me >I'm quiet, but I'm no bitch so I tell him to f--- right off >I tell him "At least I'm not barely passing the class like some retard." >"S-s-speak for yourself b-bro." >"At least I can."

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He didn't have an AR-15 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/10/22(Fri)03:56:21 No.169362494 >spell that can instantly kill anyone >abra kadabra hack writing 101 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/10/22(Fri)03:57:54 No.169362555 >>169362494 (OP) # >most powerful evilest wizard of all time >can't takeover a public school >>169369810 # >>169372369 # >>169372456 # >>169374229 # >>169385087 #
: Anonymous 06/10/22(Fri)03:56:21 No.169362494 >spell that can instantly kill anyone >abra kadabra hack writing 101 KB JPG : Anonymous 06/10/22(Fri)03:57:54 No.169362555 >>169362494 (OP) # >most powerful evilest wizard of all time >can't takeover a public school >>169369810 # >>169372369 # >>169372456 # >>169374229 # >>169385087 #

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Anon is a fatass | /r/Greentext

10/27/19(Sun)22:25:39 No.81274854 Anonymous >go eat at local pizza place >eat entire large peperoni pizza >still hungry >Too embarassed to order more cause qt cashier will think I'm a f------ fatass CAMP 6 KB JPG >pretend go get a call from friend >stage an entire 3 minute conversation >end call asking him if he wants anything from the pizza place >order another pizza to go for "friend" >proceed to devour the pizza in my car >cashier walks up to my car with my backpack >sees i'm halfway done with my "friends" pizza >"you forgot your backpack" >I smile and nod with my mouth full >she f------ giggles and walks away F------ bitch I've never been this embarassed in my life. I can never go back there
10/27/19(Sun)22:25:39 No.81274854 Anonymous >go eat at local pizza place >eat entire large peperoni pizza >still hungry >Too embarassed to order more cause qt cashier will think I'm a f------ fatass CAMP 6 KB JPG >pretend go get a call from friend >stage an entire 3 minute conversation >end call asking him if he wants anything from the pizza place >order another pizza to go for "friend" >proceed to devour the pizza in my car >cashier walks up to my car with my backpack >sees i'm halfway done with my "friends" pizza >"you forgot your backpack" >I smile and nod with my mouth full >she f------ giggles and walks away F------ bitch I've never been this embarassed in my life. I can never go back there

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Anon is Pennsylvanian | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: dxhqlRej My cousin is a Confederate fan(...) 06/12/22(Sun)12:28:34 No.382068188 >be me >Pennsylvanian >my cousin has a Confederate flag hanging on the front side of his house 30 KB JPG >when I ask him about it, he says that it's a "proud part of his family's heritage" >he has lived in PA his whole life, & our family has lived there for longer than I can remember How do I tell him that Pennsylvania was a free state that fought against the Confederacy for the entirety of the Civil War?
Anonymous (ID: dxhqlRej My cousin is a Confederate fan(...) 06/12/22(Sun)12:28:34 No.382068188 >be me >Pennsylvanian >my cousin has a Confederate flag hanging on the front side of his house 30 KB JPG >when I ask him about it, he says that it's a "proud part of his family's heritage" >he has lived in PA his whole life, & our family has lived there for longer than I can remember How do I tell him that Pennsylvania was a free state that fought against the Confederacy for the entirety of the Civil War?

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Anon has his birthday | /r/Greentext

Report Anonymous Sun 12 Jun 2022 07:44:01 No.879974886 Quoted By: >>879975125 >>879967758 >9 Years old >Mom: I got you invitations for your birthday! >Me: Why? >Mom: So you can invite your friends to your party! >Me: I don't have friends though, no one will come. >Mom: Sure they will! Just tell them all the fun stuff we're going to do! >Me: Well, okay. >Leave invitations on desks because I'm too afraid to hand them out. >Watch as most of them are thrown in the trash. >A week before my birthday >Mom: Are you sure you handed them out?' >Me: Yes, everyone through them out. >Mom: Oh, you're just making things up! >Mom didn't believe no one liked me, just thought I was really shy. >She was half right, I was shy because I knew no one liked me. >In the days before my birthday, I remember hearing her on the phone >Mom: Please, it'll be a really fun time and we'd love to have Tim over. >Mom: It's just for a few hours. >Mom: We'll pay for his present and everything. >Mom: Could you just ask him one more time? >Mom: No, I don't mean you should force him, of course not, but... >Heard her voice crack >Mom: Please, he's a good kid, he's just needs a friend! >Mom: If he changes his mind, please let me know, thanks. >Wonder how many conversations she had like that. >Birthday rolls around >My aunts and uncles and some of my cousins show up. >Cousins just want to hang out with my brother though. >After the pizza and cake they ditch me. >Still try to act like I'm having a good time. >Next year. >Birthday comes >Thankfully she didn't make me do the invitations again. I'm sorry I'm such a loser, Mom.
Report Anonymous Sun 12 Jun 2022 07:44:01 No.879974886 Quoted By: >>879975125 >>879967758 >9 Years old >Mom: I got you invitations for your birthday! >Me: Why? >Mom: So you can invite your friends to your party! >Me: I don't have friends though, no one will come. >Mom: Sure they will! Just tell them all the fun stuff we're going to do! >Me: Well, okay. >Leave invitations on desks because I'm too afraid to hand them out. >Watch as most of them are thrown in the trash. >A week before my birthday >Mom: Are you sure you handed them out?' >Me: Yes, everyone through them out. >Mom: Oh, you're just making things up! >Mom didn't believe no one liked me, just thought I was really shy. >She was half right, I was shy because I knew no one liked me. >In the days before my birthday, I remember hearing her on the phone >Mom: Please, it'll be a really fun time and we'd love to have Tim over. >Mom: It's just for a few hours. >Mom: We'll pay for his present and everything. >Mom: Could you just ask him one more time? >Mom: No, I don't mean you should force him, of course not, but... >Heard her voice crack >Mom: Please, he's a good kid, he's just needs a friend! >Mom: If he changes his mind, please let me know, thanks. >Wonder how many conversations she had like that. >Birthday rolls around >My aunts and uncles and some of my cousins show up. >Cousins just want to hang out with my brother though. >After the pizza and cake they ditch me. >Still try to act like I'm having a good time. >Next year. >Birthday comes >Thankfully she didn't make me do the invitations again. I'm sorry I'm such a loser, Mom.

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The highlander | /r/Greentext

06/12/22(Sun)11:45:47 No.69015275 : Anonymous work Ways you made your job more interesting Ill start >Be me, 16 at the time >2019 >Working at Hardees, trying to get some extra shekels for a Car 62 KB JPG >Really boring day >Decide to start speaking in an almost comedic Scottish accent >practice for like a week, do really well >come in to work and clock in, dont say a word >Customers start rolling in, and start greeting >Oi Laddie! Welcome to hardees, whats your order ye?" >Manager didnt give a s---, half of the time was passed out with heroin needles in his office >Other employees loved it >we put out a tip jar >Gets filled in 4 hours >Suddenly we all start speaking in bad accents >new guy gets hired, we all act like we've always been like this >Still work there to this day
06/12/22(Sun)11:45:47 No.69015275 : Anonymous work Ways you made your job more interesting Ill start >Be me, 16 at the time >2019 >Working at Hardees, trying to get some extra shekels for a Car 62 KB JPG >Really boring day >Decide to start speaking in an almost comedic Scottish accent >practice for like a week, do really well >come in to work and clock in, dont say a word >Customers start rolling in, and start greeting >Oi Laddie! Welcome to hardees, whats your order ye?" >Manager didnt give a s---, half of the time was passed out with heroin needles in his office >Other employees loved it >we put out a tip jar >Gets filled in 4 hours >Suddenly we all start speaking in bad accents >new guy gets hired, we all act like we've always been like this >Still work there to this day

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Anon listens to the radio... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue) 13:17:38 No.109596398 >*vinyl scratch sound* >YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO >*car crash sound* >102.3 >*elephant sound* >REAL ROCK FM 64 KB JPG >*explosion* >WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK >*glass shattering sound* >*police siren* >THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION >*imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*
: Anonymous 03/29/22(Tue) 13:17:38 No.109596398 >*vinyl scratch sound* >YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO >*car crash sound* >102.3 >*elephant sound* >REAL ROCK FM 64 KB JPG >*explosion* >WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT ROCK, ROCK, AND MORE ROCK >*glass shattering sound* >*police siren* >THIS AIN'T YOUR GRANNY'S STATION >*imagine dragons - radioactive starts playing*

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Anon is a bot attempting to write a greentext (created using AI) | /r/Greentext


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Yankees.... | /r/Greentext


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Cool for cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)11:40:02 No.69015228 >be me >autistic, lonely, touch starved >be my cat >autistic, gets freaked out if i'm not nearby 564 KB JPG >constantly wants to be pet >likes headbutting me with his tiny wet nose >drools when i pet him because he's mentally handicapped >kneads anything nearby >sleeps on my chest every night >keep me company >sleeps in my lap when i vidya I love my cat so much bros.
: Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)11:40:02 No.69015228 >be me >autistic, lonely, touch starved >be my cat >autistic, gets freaked out if i'm not nearby 564 KB JPG >constantly wants to be pet >likes headbutting me with his tiny wet nose >drools when i pet him because he's mentally handicapped >kneads anything nearby >sleeps on my chest every night >keep me company >sleeps in my lap when i vidya I love my cat so much bros.

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Anon Plays Reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)04:12:39 No.879984720 >wanted reddit karma >come to /b/ >make up fake greentext story about my dad cop r----- my sister >post it on r/greentexts >+39k karma overnight 32 KB JPG >was top 20 in r/all at one point >mfw what lie will i fool the redditards with next, /b/ros? 6 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)04:25:56 No.879985158 >>879984720 (OP) # this is gonna end up on r/greentext isnt it : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)04:46:18 No.879985848 reddit is a bottomless pit of mental retardation : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)05:24:27 No.879986895 leddit.com/r/greentext/comments/v8v 5y1/anons_dad_was_so_cool/ Oh yea found it kek
: Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)04:12:39 No.879984720 >wanted reddit karma >come to /b/ >make up fake greentext story about my dad cop r----- my sister >post it on r/greentexts >+39k karma overnight 32 KB JPG >was top 20 in r/all at one point >mfw what lie will i fool the redditards with next, /b/ros? 6 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)04:25:56 No.879985158 >>879984720 (OP) # this is gonna end up on r/greentext isnt it : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)04:46:18 No.879985848 reddit is a bottomless pit of mental retardation : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)05:24:27 No.879986895 leddit.com/r/greentext/comments/v8v 5y1/anons_dad_was_so_cool/ Oh yea found it kek

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the sub is dying to 0 effort reposts | /r/Greentext


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Anon thinks up a new diet: | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The Famine diet. > Be me > Fat as f--- > Take a fuckton of LSD one day > Take a long shower around the peak > Become disgusted with body > Idea 31 KB JPG > The most retarded diet known to man > I call it The Famine Diet > I burn 2200Kcal a day. > My job consists of sitting still in a factory 12h a day. > Schedule is 3 to 4 days work, 5 to 6 days of no work. > Eat AT MOST 500kcal on working days, as if I'm in a famine. > Eat ~ 1700kcal every day that I don't work, maybe workout a bit too. > Repeat for the entire summer. > ??? > Profit, Not fat anymore. > Foolproof. All that's needed is discipline. I know that it's really f------ retarded, but I am going balls deep in it because I am curious of what's gonna happen. 06/12/22(Sun)08:56:12 No.69011751
: Anonymous The Famine diet. > Be me > Fat as f--- > Take a fuckton of LSD one day > Take a long shower around the peak > Become disgusted with body > Idea 31 KB JPG > The most retarded diet known to man > I call it The Famine Diet > I burn 2200Kcal a day. > My job consists of sitting still in a factory 12h a day. > Schedule is 3 to 4 days work, 5 to 6 days of no work. > Eat AT MOST 500kcal on working days, as if I'm in a famine. > Eat ~ 1700kcal every day that I don't work, maybe workout a bit too. > Repeat for the entire summer. > ??? > Profit, Not fat anymore. > Foolproof. All that's needed is discipline. I know that it's really f------ retarded, but I am going balls deep in it because I am curious of what's gonna happen. 06/12/22(Sun)08:56:12 No.69011751

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Anon watches adult content | /r/Greentext

06/12/22(Sun)13:45:34 No.69013158 Anonymous >be me 2 hours ago, watching p--- GAY 341 KB JPG >its the most generic p---- you can watch, a man and a woman having normal sex on a bed >the final scene is comming and the guy is moaning as he is doing her missionary and is signaling he is about to c-- >as this happens he immediately gets off her, lays on his back in the bed, puts his feet behind his neck, cooms on his own face and starts sucking his own c--- Why would you do this? There was literally no hint during the whole movie that something so gay would take place. Was this the directors idea of a funny joke? 2 Replies View Thread Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)13:46:35 No.69013164 >>69013158 (OP) # I don't see a link. Chop chop. : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)14:16:58 No.69013350 >>69013158 (OP) # That's funny as f---. Mad respect for the producers.
06/12/22(Sun)13:45:34 No.69013158 Anonymous >be me 2 hours ago, watching p--- GAY 341 KB JPG >its the most generic p---- you can watch, a man and a woman having normal sex on a bed >the final scene is comming and the guy is moaning as he is doing her missionary and is signaling he is about to c-- >as this happens he immediately gets off her, lays on his back in the bed, puts his feet behind his neck, cooms on his own face and starts sucking his own c--- Why would you do this? There was literally no hint during the whole movie that something so gay would take place. Was this the directors idea of a funny joke? 2 Replies View Thread Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)13:46:35 No.69013164 >>69013158 (OP) # I don't see a link. Chop chop. : Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)14:16:58 No.69013350 >>69013158 (OP) # That's funny as f---. Mad respect for the producers.

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Anon Lives in Texas | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)03:02:10 No.879982490 Post stories about your neighbors. I'll start. >be me >relocated to semi-rural Texas for new job contract 49 KB JPG >perfectly nice I guess except one thing: the birds are loud as F--- and wake me up at 4:30 every goddamn morning >decide to just accept it and change my routine >start having coffee on porch at 4:30 since I'm up anyway >FFWD a couple weeks and a family moves into the house across the street from us >one morning I'm having my bird.mp3 coffee >see neighbor throw open front door >holding a f------ shotgun >angrily marches over to the tree out front in his pajamas >aims shotgun up into branches gungobang.wav >birds.mp3 stops completely >twigs and shredded leaves gently rain down >blissful silence >he walks back inside and closes the door >anons I think I like Texas
: Anonymous 06/12/22(Sun)03:02:10 No.879982490 Post stories about your neighbors. I'll start. >be me >relocated to semi-rural Texas for new job contract 49 KB JPG >perfectly nice I guess except one thing: the birds are loud as F--- and wake me up at 4:30 every goddamn morning >decide to just accept it and change my routine >start having coffee on porch at 4:30 since I'm up anyway >FFWD a couple weeks and a family moves into the house across the street from us >one morning I'm having my bird.mp3 coffee >see neighbor throw open front door >holding a f------ shotgun >angrily marches over to the tree out front in his pajamas >aims shotgun up into branches gungobang.wav >birds.mp3 stops completely >twigs and shredded leaves gently rain down >blissful silence >he walks back inside and closes the door >anons I think I like Texas

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Anon gives lyf hax | /r/Greentext

08/15/19(Thu)11:16:26 No.51997604 : Anonymous >>51997489 # >live a beautiful, strenuous life for your mom >get a well paying, respectable job >beautiful, loving wife >many happy, bright eyed children >learn new languages >get fit as f--- >learn several martial arts >make wise investments >wait for mom to die >on her deathbed she tells you how proud she is of you, and how sorry she is that she almost failed you, and she's just so happy that you turned things around THEN you can kill yourself. >>51997649 #
08/15/19(Thu)11:16:26 No.51997604 : Anonymous >>51997489 # >live a beautiful, strenuous life for your mom >get a well paying, respectable job >beautiful, loving wife >many happy, bright eyed children >learn new languages >get fit as f--- >learn several martial arts >make wise investments >wait for mom to die >on her deathbed she tells you how proud she is of you, and how sorry she is that she almost failed you, and she's just so happy that you turned things around THEN you can kill yourself. >>51997649 #

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Outstanding move by anon | /r/Greentext

12/04/18(Tue)19:07:03 No.49670991 : Anonymous 17 KB JPG > suddenly she sprints forward and grabs my arm casually >"hey anon! its me from highschool! u remember?" >ive never seen this girl in my life >she then pushes me against a building wall and puts her hand on my benis >i close my eyes, autism kicks in >i kick her in the stomack with my knee >while she screams a tall fat bigger comes out of a car >"w-what the f-- u doin! >he had a knife >they were trying to rob me >escape into the shadows with a boner mfw when autism saved my life >be me 18 year old >walking alone back from uni at night >i see some girl in a hoodie behind me >whatever.avi >i go forward several blocks taking multiple turns because autism (think shes following me)
12/04/18(Tue)19:07:03 No.49670991 : Anonymous 17 KB JPG > suddenly she sprints forward and grabs my arm casually >"hey anon! its me from highschool! u remember?" >ive never seen this girl in my life >she then pushes me against a building wall and puts her hand on my benis >i close my eyes, autism kicks in >i kick her in the stomack with my knee >while she screams a tall fat bigger comes out of a car >"w-what the f-- u doin! >he had a knife >they were trying to rob me >escape into the shadows with a boner mfw when autism saved my life >be me 18 year old >walking alone back from uni at night >i see some girl in a hoodie behind me >whatever.avi >i go forward several blocks taking multiple turns because autism (think shes following me)

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