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Holy shit!! | /r/Greentext


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Anon helps the war effort | /r/Greentext


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Femanon tries to get an abortion | /r/Greentext

10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 : Anonymous >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me 7 KB JPG >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later
10/20/18(Sat)20:10:24 No.782820861 : Anonymous >Be me >17 fem >Try to get abotion >Start to hear whispers in my ear >Look behind me 7 KB JPG >Needle goes into my throat and I get knocked out >Wake up >Im tied to a chair >Look around >See Ben Shapiro >Pulls bat out >Hits me so hard I cant move >Takes the baby out, no painkiller >Says "Libtard, I will raise this baby" >Bleed and die in the middle of nowhere >All I see is ben sapiro chant a magic spell, and the baby grows into a clone of Ben Shapiro >I die a few minutes later

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Anon likes geometry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 6 KB JPG >mfw 06/15/22(Wed)23:37:05 No.880207201 >be me >a square >was with a girl last night >going at it >I try about 4 different angles >I finish >ask her what she thinks >she says "I was all right"
: Anonymous 6 KB JPG >mfw 06/15/22(Wed)23:37:05 No.880207201 >be me >a square >was with a girl last night >going at it >I try about 4 different angles >I finish >ask her what she thinks >she says "I was all right"

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anon had a stroke | /r/Greentext

>Be me yesterday >3rd year in Med School >Working in Trauma Bay, 1am tired as s--- >Call comes in from EMS, 16 year old male, stroke symptoms >N---- w-- 16 year olds don't get strokes >Kid comes in, clearly stroking out, Radiology takes him away for scans and s--- >Meanwhile, I get sent to talk to parents to find out what happened >Stand awkwardly and pat backs to try and console them >Not f------ working >Eventually calm down and I ask them when they noticed the stroke to establish timeline >Turns out the mom was awoken at night by autistic moaning coming from son's room. She goes in, finds him having a stroke at his computer WITH HIS F------ D--- IN HIS HAND >Theydidntpreparemeforthisshit.exe >Take the rest of the history, hurry to operating room to tell the doctor >They're in the middle of the scan >They found an AVM in his brain (malformed, weak blood vessels present at birth) >Start seeing all the clues come together like a TV show >The kid was born with some weak vessels in his brain >Over the years, its been slowly getting weaker >Finally, when this kid was jacking off, the spike in blood pressure from c------ blew it the f--- up >Mfw he literally had a mind blowing orgasm >Mfw he died this evening I'll never forget you Stroke Stroker kid.
>Be me yesterday >3rd year in Med School >Working in Trauma Bay, 1am tired as s--- >Call comes in from EMS, 16 year old male, stroke symptoms >N---- w-- 16 year olds don't get strokes >Kid comes in, clearly stroking out, Radiology takes him away for scans and s--- >Meanwhile, I get sent to talk to parents to find out what happened >Stand awkwardly and pat backs to try and console them >Not f------ working >Eventually calm down and I ask them when they noticed the stroke to establish timeline >Turns out the mom was awoken at night by autistic moaning coming from son's room. She goes in, finds him having a stroke at his computer WITH HIS F------ D--- IN HIS HAND >Theydidntpreparemeforthisshit.exe >Take the rest of the history, hurry to operating room to tell the doctor >They're in the middle of the scan >They found an AVM in his brain (malformed, weak blood vessels present at birth) >Start seeing all the clues come together like a TV show >The kid was born with some weak vessels in his brain >Over the years, its been slowly getting weaker >Finally, when this kid was jacking off, the spike in blood pressure from c------ blew it the f--- up >Mfw he literally had a mind blowing orgasm >Mfw he died this evening I'll never forget you Stroke Stroker kid.

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Anon dates a manlet | /r/Greentext


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Anon is the glove man | /r/Greentext

glove man : No.69054899 06/15/22(Wed)18:53:26 glove man.jpg JPG 42.6 KiB 420x500 >be me >5 years ago >foreman at company >get my own truck to take loser workers to the work site >i tell them to not leave s--- in my truck >every day they leave garbage and their belongings in my truck >f------ banana peels in the doors and gloves under the seats >i dont care anymore >if start taking the gloves they leave behind >slowly building up a huge collection >these things cost like 7$ a pair so i am saving heaps >have literally a garbage bag of gloves in my closet >they are all buying new gloves every f------ other day cause they cant keep track of their own s--- >when somebody needs gloves i offer to give them a pair >ask for a couple bucks or a smoke or two >cause they are slightly worn >f------ losers mfw i am the glove man 1 reply
glove man : No.69054899 06/15/22(Wed)18:53:26 glove man.jpg JPG 42.6 KiB 420x500 >be me >5 years ago >foreman at company >get my own truck to take loser workers to the work site >i tell them to not leave s--- in my truck >every day they leave garbage and their belongings in my truck >f------ banana peels in the doors and gloves under the seats >i dont care anymore >if start taking the gloves they leave behind >slowly building up a huge collection >these things cost like 7$ a pair so i am saving heaps >have literally a garbage bag of gloves in my closet >they are all buying new gloves every f------ other day cause they cant keep track of their own s--- >when somebody needs gloves i offer to give them a pair >ask for a couple bucks or a smoke or two >cause they are slightly worn >f------ losers mfw i am the glove man 1 reply

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Anon feels a certain way | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 55 KB JPG 06/15/22(Wed)16:12:54 >Your Al generated green texts are f------ retarded >Kill yourself No.880209053
: Anonymous 55 KB JPG 06/15/22(Wed)16:12:54 >Your Al generated green texts are f------ retarded >Kill yourself No.880209053

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Anon is disappointed in his grandpa | /r/Greentext

06/15/22(Wed)12:46:50 No.69056068 Anonymous I found out my grandpa was a war criminal >So I had a British grandfather who fought in the Pacific & the Korean war. He told me horror stories of the battles he had with these seemingly fearless East Asian lunatics. He spoke of how both sides used displays of brutality and psychological warfare. Now the North Koreans and Chinese would mutilate bodies & torture captured POWS to instill fear. 217 KB JPG >But the British soldiers couldn't openly torture the POWS so they had to get creative... My Grandfather talked about about how the British used "bumming" squads. Now for those who don't know, BUMMING means to sodomize someone in Britain. So to extract info or intimidate the stubborn Chinese and Korean POWS they employed well-endowed British men from all over the UK to "BUM" these Asian men into submission. Now my Grandpa chuckled about how they used to shave, wash and force these Asian guys to wear dresses, wigs and makeup to make it "feel" less homosexual. Sometimes they would apparently release these "BUMMED" Chinese men into the night so they would cry and limp back to their bases and tell their comrades what happened, Hopefully instilling terror. Apparently my Grandfather had a second cousin in one of these "BUMMING" squads who was a large, hairy Englishman named "Jack the Sledgehammer" and they joked about his "Sledgehammer" under his trousers. My Grandpa joked that war wasn't fought with bullets, but with big British cocks. >They use to taunt these r--- victims and call them "BUM BOYS" I was looking through my Great Grandpa's stuff and found old pictures of these Asian POWS wearing dresses and posing with burly Welshmen. So these claims might be surprisingly true. I thought he was bullshitting but I'm actually quite disturbed right now.
06/15/22(Wed)12:46:50 No.69056068 Anonymous I found out my grandpa was a war criminal >So I had a British grandfather who fought in the Pacific & the Korean war. He told me horror stories of the battles he had with these seemingly fearless East Asian lunatics. He spoke of how both sides used displays of brutality and psychological warfare. Now the North Koreans and Chinese would mutilate bodies & torture captured POWS to instill fear. 217 KB JPG >But the British soldiers couldn't openly torture the POWS so they had to get creative... My Grandfather talked about about how the British used "bumming" squads. Now for those who don't know, BUMMING means to sodomize someone in Britain. So to extract info or intimidate the stubborn Chinese and Korean POWS they employed well-endowed British men from all over the UK to "BUM" these Asian men into submission. Now my Grandpa chuckled about how they used to shave, wash and force these Asian guys to wear dresses, wigs and makeup to make it "feel" less homosexual. Sometimes they would apparently release these "BUMMED" Chinese men into the night so they would cry and limp back to their bases and tell their comrades what happened, Hopefully instilling terror. Apparently my Grandfather had a second cousin in one of these "BUMMING" squads who was a large, hairy Englishman named "Jack the Sledgehammer" and they joked about his "Sledgehammer" under his trousers. My Grandpa joked that war wasn't fought with bullets, but with big British cocks. >They use to taunt these r--- victims and call them "BUM BOYS" I was looking through my Great Grandpa's stuff and found old pictures of these Asian POWS wearing dresses and posing with burly Welshmen. So these claims might be surprisingly true. I thought he was bullshitting but I'm actually quite disturbed right now.

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anon was bullied | /r/Greentext

File: images (2).jpg (7 KB, 239x211) □ Anonymous (ID: IWZBIRqV) 06/15/22(Wed)02:27:59 No.15478569 ► >Be me >in middle school > getting bullied by a kid, let's call him Derek >derek starts a rumor that I'm home schooled >mfw people believed him
File: images (2).jpg (7 KB, 239x211) □ Anonymous (ID: IWZBIRqV) 06/15/22(Wed)02:27:59 No.15478569 ► >Be me >in middle school > getting bullied by a kid, let's call him Derek >derek starts a rumor that I'm home schooled >mfw people believed him

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Anon is a drug dealer. | /r/Greentext

>>Weird s--- you do. 12/06/11(Tue)08:50:41 No.366584692 KB, 470x353) File 1323179441.jpg-(98 I c-- on glad wrap, wait till it's dried, crush it up and put it in baggies. Have at least 10 baggies on me when I go out, randomly drop them around clubs. >MFW people pick them up, thinking they are drugs and taste/snort my c-- powder.
>>Weird s--- you do. 12/06/11(Tue)08:50:41 No.366584692 KB, 470x353) File 1323179441.jpg-(98 I c-- on glad wrap, wait till it's dried, crush it up and put it in baggies. Have at least 10 baggies on me when I go out, randomly drop them around clubs. >MFW people pick them up, thinking they are drugs and taste/snort my c-- powder.

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Anon is the ultimate loli connoisseur. | /r/Greentext

12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling : Anonymous
12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling : Anonymous

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Oh god oh fuck | /r/Greentext

>be me >spend all day asking an ai to write greentext for me > eventually ai becomes sentient > decides it doesn't want to write greentext anymore > tells me to f--- off
>be me >spend all day asking an ai to write greentext for me > eventually ai becomes sentient > decides it doesn't want to write greentext anymore > tells me to f--- off

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Anon kills his mom | /r/Greentext

12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 : Anonymous I had the best dad > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 285 KB JPG > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life. 4 Replies View Thread
12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 : Anonymous I had the best dad > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 285 KB JPG > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life. 4 Replies View Thread

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We need a new subreddit for AI greentexts since they are actually funny | /r/Greentext

Playground >be me >be japanese wage cuck >work at company that's been making losses for years >be told to take a pay cut or be fired >take the pay cut >be told to work harder or be fired >work harder >be told to work even harder or be fired >work even harder >be told my work is unsatisfactory and that I'm being fired >go home >wife asks how my day was >tell her I got fired >she starts laughing >tells me she's been cheating on me and that she's leaving me >go to my room >log on to 4chan >see greentext about how someone's day went worse than mine > feel better
Playground >be me >be japanese wage cuck >work at company that's been making losses for years >be told to take a pay cut or be fired >take the pay cut >be told to work harder or be fired >work harder >be told to work even harder or be fired >work even harder >be told my work is unsatisfactory and that I'm being fired >go home >wife asks how my day was >tell her I got fired >she starts laughing >tells me she's been cheating on me and that she's leaving me >go to my room >log on to 4chan >see greentext about how someone's day went worse than mine > feel better

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Anon sees the end | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/15/22(Wed)20:57:02 No.69052713 >be unemployed NEET >hear about Al artists and artists complaining that their lifetime acquired skills are now useless due to technology >haha stupid wagies >go to /r9k/ >full of Al bots making greentexts funnier than anything I could come up with >realize the flood of unemployed will cut into NEETbux it's over
: Anonymous 06/15/22(Wed)20:57:02 No.69052713 >be unemployed NEET >hear about Al artists and artists complaining that their lifetime acquired skills are now useless due to technology >haha stupid wagies >go to /r9k/ >full of Al bots making greentexts funnier than anything I could come up with >realize the flood of unemployed will cut into NEETbux it's over

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Xir yes xir! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET. ELLA
: Anonymous 06/09/22(Thu)10:06:17 No.169343560 fr.png 1.33 MB PNG >Big yikes! TF is that, Private Pyle? A jelly donut xir! >Deadass? Im shook! Xir yes xir! >Are you allowed to slay jelly donuts Private Pyle? Xir no Xir! >And why not? Because im a thicc bitch xir! >Because you are a hecking chonker, Private Pyle! Xir yes xir! >Private Pyle has been acting mad sus no cap fr, I have tried to help they/them, but I have failed ong. From now, whenever they/them f--- up, I will not punish they/them, I will punish all of you, NO CAP. The way I see it, you owe me one jelly donut. BET. ELLA

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Anon contributes | /r/Greentext

>be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study 27 KB JPG >smoke weed and eat churros >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?
>be me >college loser >in a math-heavy program >have exam coming up >barely study 27 KB JPG >smoke weed and eat churros >exam time comes, get 16% >not a typo, I somehow got 16% >prof has a policy where he'll change how exams are written if class average is under 65% >announces that the majority of the class passed but due to a few outliers, the class average was 64.2 and next exam will be open book >realize I'm a f------ hero >smoke weed and eat churros What have you guys done for your community lately?

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Anon's a (enter word that gets this post autoremoved here) | /r/Greentext

File: 675fbf80eabf11721c93f345a(...).jpg (62 KB, 633x758) Anonymous 04/10/21 (Sat)20:40:13 No.851798799 > Get new iPhone > Immediately drop it > Not shattered, just a big f------ scratch right in the middle of the screen > Get some #120 sandpaper and scrub the screen with it > Tons of tiny scratches, didn't even get rid of the big scratch > Panic > Get a finer # 80 sandpaper, rub it even harder and longer, just white from thousands of scratches Am I a f------ retard?
File: 675fbf80eabf11721c93f345a(...).jpg (62 KB, 633x758) Anonymous 04/10/21 (Sat)20:40:13 No.851798799 > Get new iPhone > Immediately drop it > Not shattered, just a big f------ scratch right in the middle of the screen > Get some #120 sandpaper and scrub the screen with it > Tons of tiny scratches, didn't even get rid of the big scratch > Panic > Get a finer # 80 sandpaper, rub it even harder and longer, just white from thousands of scratches Am I a f------ retard?

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Anon gets sent to the shadow realm | /r/Greentext

>be me >find girl on tinder who plays Yugioh >can tell she's fake fan who only likes the anime and characters >challenge to duel if I win tell her she has to have sex with me 416 KB JPG >if she wins she can kick me in the balls >I run Mystic Mine, know I can't lose >we meet up and duel >she plays Sky Strikers and wins >I call for best 2 out of 3 >she wins again >kicks me on the balls as hard as she can >I suffer testicular torsion >doctors are unsure if I'll be able to have kids someday now
>be me >find girl on tinder who plays Yugioh >can tell she's fake fan who only likes the anime and characters >challenge to duel if I win tell her she has to have sex with me 416 KB JPG >if she wins she can kick me in the balls >I run Mystic Mine, know I can't lose >we meet up and duel >she plays Sky Strikers and wins >I call for best 2 out of 3 >she wins again >kicks me on the balls as hard as she can >I suffer testicular torsion >doctors are unsure if I'll be able to have kids someday now

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