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anon realizes willy wonka is extremely based | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous FHOVIECLING 1.59 MB GIF 07/28/22(Thu)04:43:17 No.882849441 >Wonka shows a 9-year-old child a shrink ray >Child uses the shrink ray as any child would >Wonka disqualifies him from the competition for this because having fun is bad 39 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous FHOVIECLING 1.59 MB GIF 07/28/22(Thu)04:43:17 No.882849441 >Wonka shows a 9-year-old child a shrink ray >Child uses the shrink ray as any child would >Wonka disqualifies him from the competition for this because having fun is bad 39 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon meets a hero | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 6 hours ago >1 in the morning >GF at the time wanted to get food and rent a movie to fool around to before bed 434656828 >Stop by a redbox at a walgreens near her place >Black guy dressed like f------ Peter Pan or something pulls up to us in his car by the redbox >Figure, "oh s--- here we go, going to have to fight some nog" >"Nah y'all don't need to be paying for that now, f--- a redbox my dude" >Hands us a Wal-Mart bag filled with about 40 burnt disks with recent movie titles on them >Backseat is full of these bags >Go to shake his hand and say "Jesus man, thanks. What's your name?" >"Who me? Y'all can just call me... N---- ROBIN HOOD!" >Dude peels out of the parking lot and speeds off into the night >GF and I confused as f--- >Go home, put in the disks >About half of the movies are HD rips of what the disks says they are, other half are actually just filled to the brim with new brazzers scenes Unironically the most based dude I've ever met 6 REPLIES
Anonymous 6 hours ago >1 in the morning >GF at the time wanted to get food and rent a movie to fool around to before bed 434656828 >Stop by a redbox at a walgreens near her place >Black guy dressed like f------ Peter Pan or something pulls up to us in his car by the redbox >Figure, "oh s--- here we go, going to have to fight some nog" >"Nah y'all don't need to be paying for that now, f--- a redbox my dude" >Hands us a Wal-Mart bag filled with about 40 burnt disks with recent movie titles on them >Backseat is full of these bags >Go to shake his hand and say "Jesus man, thanks. What's your name?" >"Who me? Y'all can just call me... N---- ROBIN HOOD!" >Dude peels out of the parking lot and speeds off into the night >GF and I confused as f--- >Go home, put in the disks >About half of the movies are HD rips of what the disks says they are, other half are actually just filled to the brim with new brazzers scenes Unironically the most based dude I've ever met 6 REPLIES

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Anon hates zoomer speak | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous >>607290490 # >finna I will tolerate "fr fr", I will tolerate "bussin", I will tolerate "cap", but "finna" is the most F------ retarded s--- I ever heard in my life. It's just a retarded and harder way to say "gonna" and I f------ hate, HATE, HATE!!!!!!!!! it. 07/28/22(Thu)17:52:55 No.607292610 >>607292767 # >>607294636 # >>607295851 # >>607296262 # >>607296403 # Anonymous EL 07/28/22(Thu)17:54:47 No.607292767 >>607292610 # Imao this anon finna blow a fuse over text on a screen
: Anonymous >>607290490 # >finna I will tolerate "fr fr", I will tolerate "bussin", I will tolerate "cap", but "finna" is the most F------ retarded s--- I ever heard in my life. It's just a retarded and harder way to say "gonna" and I f------ hate, HATE, HATE!!!!!!!!! it. 07/28/22(Thu)17:52:55 No.607292610 >>607292767 # >>607294636 # >>607295851 # >>607296262 # >>607296403 # Anonymous EL 07/28/22(Thu)17:54:47 No.607292767 >>607292610 # Imao this anon finna blow a fuse over text on a screen

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Sweet but Psycho | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 KB JPG 07/27/22(Wed)16:12:54 No.69581130 >be me, bpd schizo >have huge crush on loser guy >somehow another girl likes him >she happens to be close to my friend >scheming.jpg >i cant have competition, devise a plan >remember my knowledge of homemade poisons >i buy cherries, eat them all >crush pits into a powder and mix with water >cyanide.jpg >make cookies and bring to school >before lunch i douse the cookies in my unholy concoction >having lunch w the girl, she doesn't suspect a thing >offer her a cookie >mfw when she accepts and eats it >mfw when later i find out she went to the hospital and almost died >mfw they still havent caught me me and the guy are dating now
: Anonymous 10 KB JPG 07/27/22(Wed)16:12:54 No.69581130 >be me, bpd schizo >have huge crush on loser guy >somehow another girl likes him >she happens to be close to my friend >scheming.jpg >i cant have competition, devise a plan >remember my knowledge of homemade poisons >i buy cherries, eat them all >crush pits into a powder and mix with water >cyanide.jpg >make cookies and bring to school >before lunch i douse the cookies in my unholy concoction >having lunch w the girl, she doesn't suspect a thing >offer her a cookie >mfw when she accepts and eats it >mfw when later i find out she went to the hospital and almost died >mfw they still havent caught me me and the guy are dating now

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Oh no no no | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 16 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)17:18:12 No.882876172 >be me >come home after work >gf isn't around >see pantys, a skirt and a bra on my bed >water sounds, there is someone in the shower, i assume she is taking a shower >grab the panties >there is a yellowish-brown crust-stain of discharge all across the underwear >im horny >pull out my c--- >smell the panties and scratch the crust for a better smell >crust pieces get under my nails >start masturbating >i c-- in 2 minutes or less >laying on bed >clean my d--- with the panties >turn on my cellphone >get a whatsapp text from gf "Can you pick me up please? ran out of gas, in my mom's house" >start to panic >WHO IS IN MY F------ SHOWER? >knock the door with anger and fear >"Is it you anon?" >its my f------ sister >I forgot she was going to pay me a visit today and she have a copy of my keys >i try to stay calm >tell her its fine, that i have to pick up my girlfriend ARRRHHHHHH I MASTUBATED TO MY SISTER UNDERWEAR WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! I want to cry im so f----- up, even is no one ever knows I KNOW, I feel like im dirty and disgusting.
: Anonymous 16 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)17:18:12 No.882876172 >be me >come home after work >gf isn't around >see pantys, a skirt and a bra on my bed >water sounds, there is someone in the shower, i assume she is taking a shower >grab the panties >there is a yellowish-brown crust-stain of discharge all across the underwear >im horny >pull out my c--- >smell the panties and scratch the crust for a better smell >crust pieces get under my nails >start masturbating >i c-- in 2 minutes or less >laying on bed >clean my d--- with the panties >turn on my cellphone >get a whatsapp text from gf "Can you pick me up please? ran out of gas, in my mom's house" >start to panic >WHO IS IN MY F------ SHOWER? >knock the door with anger and fear >"Is it you anon?" >its my f------ sister >I forgot she was going to pay me a visit today and she have a copy of my keys >i try to stay calm >tell her its fine, that i have to pick up my girlfriend ARRRHHHHHH I MASTUBATED TO MY SISTER UNDERWEAR WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! I want to cry im so f----- up, even is no one ever knows I KNOW, I feel like im dirty and disgusting.

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Anon loves his music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 38 KB JPG 07/29/22(Fri)00:37:22 No.69592400 >be driving new girlfriend back home >deathcore music comes on >my favorite >she doesn't seem to enjoy it >switch the music >its now a little japanese girl singing cheerfully >she tells me to turn it off I dumped her afterwards.
: Anonymous 38 KB JPG 07/29/22(Fri)00:37:22 No.69592400 >be driving new girlfriend back home >deathcore music comes on >my favorite >she doesn't seem to enjoy it >switch the music >its now a little japanese girl singing cheerfully >she tells me to turn it off I dumped her afterwards.

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Spiderbro saves the day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 222 KB JPG 07/22/22(Fri)03:37:56 No.4246494 >>4244612 (OP) # >Sitting in room >Shitposting on chan >Drunk brother leaves door wide >>4246621 # open >Two or three flies get in and are flying around >Keep flying around, annoying as f--- >Grab the salt gun and prepare >Buzzing stops, flies nowhere to be seen >Get up and start hunting them, bug-a-salt ready >Spider bros already took care of the flies >Thanks spider bros!
: Anonymous 222 KB JPG 07/22/22(Fri)03:37:56 No.4246494 >>4244612 (OP) # >Sitting in room >Shitposting on chan >Drunk brother leaves door wide >>4246621 # open >Two or three flies get in and are flying around >Keep flying around, annoying as f--- >Grab the salt gun and prepare >Buzzing stops, flies nowhere to be seen >Get up and start hunting them, bug-a-salt ready >Spider bros already took care of the flies >Thanks spider bros!

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wholesome anon | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 09/11/20 (Fri)02:45:28 No.14720128 >>14720173 File: itssadman.png (102 KB, 549x413) >be me >mom always baked for me and my dad >would bake something new literally every other day >one day get bullied pretty horribly, 5th grade >come home crying >mom bakes me some lemon cake >not crying anymore >be me seven years later >mom has progressively gotten sicker and sicker >tender spot in her temple >still makes baked treats for me and dad >one day get pulled out of school by dad >tells me mom collapsed in living room and he had to take her to the emergency room >we go, she isn't even conscious >doctor says it was a brain aneurysm >tells us to come back tomorrow, patients usually wake up the next day >go home >brownies on counter >tray on floor >the next day she's dead >she left me her recipes >try to recreate what she made but i just cant, it just doesnt taste the same, its missing something >i know what it was missing now I miss you mom.
O Anonymous 09/11/20 (Fri)02:45:28 No.14720128 >>14720173 File: itssadman.png (102 KB, 549x413) >be me >mom always baked for me and my dad >would bake something new literally every other day >one day get bullied pretty horribly, 5th grade >come home crying >mom bakes me some lemon cake >not crying anymore >be me seven years later >mom has progressively gotten sicker and sicker >tender spot in her temple >still makes baked treats for me and dad >one day get pulled out of school by dad >tells me mom collapsed in living room and he had to take her to the emergency room >we go, she isn't even conscious >doctor says it was a brain aneurysm >tells us to come back tomorrow, patients usually wake up the next day >go home >brownies on counter >tray on floor >the next day she's dead >she left me her recipes >try to recreate what she made but i just cant, it just doesnt taste the same, its missing something >i know what it was missing now I miss you mom.

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Working with w*men | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11.24-1 19 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)04:23:35 No.882845438 >be me >i ask my co worker (girl) some questions about the team work we are supposed to make together (i don't have any friends at work so pretty much we were forced to labor together because the supervisor says so) >at the end of the talk i sent this sticker in pic related and say "Thanks!" >she somewhat thinks the frogs having sex and accuse me of sexual harrasment Cmon now, the apus are just hugging and i just tried to be friendly! Why are women like this? She is unironically sabotaging our own carreers
: Anonymous 11.24-1 19 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)04:23:35 No.882845438 >be me >i ask my co worker (girl) some questions about the team work we are supposed to make together (i don't have any friends at work so pretty much we were forced to labor together because the supervisor says so) >at the end of the talk i sent this sticker in pic related and say "Thanks!" >she somewhat thinks the frogs having sex and accuse me of sexual harrasment Cmon now, the apus are just hugging and i just tried to be friendly! Why are women like this? She is unironically sabotaging our own carreers

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Anon has an issue | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)15:38:16 >sit on public toilet >balls dip in the bowl
Anonymous 10 KB JPG 07/28/22(Thu)15:38:16 >sit on public toilet >balls dip in the bowl

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Anon has family over | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I F----- UP I F----- UP I F---(...) 23 KB PNG 07/28/22(Thu)14:20:39 No.88284621 first time greentexting, idk how this works but have to get this off my chest >be me >have c-- jar (I know) >sometimes throw small random s--- in there, bread crumbs, dead insects, that stuff >largest object there is a condom (unused, I was just testing something out) >have it just for the laughs, nothing creepy or anything >feelsgoodman >store in jar >le me 30 min ago >family members comes over for mom's birthday >bust a quick one before they arrive >jar is full of this, has dense and dark colour from all the s--- Ive thrown in there >feel kinda proud >hide it well under bed >go downstairs >interaction.exe >15 min pass. realize I forgot phone in room >go quickly >open room >mom and cousin are there >mom is dusting shelves, cousing is brooming under bed >before i can react to what was happening hear clank sound >jar falls over and rolls towards her >"whats this anon" >cousin opens it >mfw she sniffs it >I can see her gag >instant boner >fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck >mumble something out abt a science project with condensed milk >condom inside is CLEARLY visible, change of light reflection makes it obvious aff >snatch jar from her hands >phone too on my way out >rush to bathroom >sitting on toilet what the f--- do I do? maybe I should just j------- again before its all over? is there any way I can survive this?
: Anonymous I F----- UP I F----- UP I F---(...) 23 KB PNG 07/28/22(Thu)14:20:39 No.88284621 first time greentexting, idk how this works but have to get this off my chest >be me >have c-- jar (I know) >sometimes throw small random s--- in there, bread crumbs, dead insects, that stuff >largest object there is a condom (unused, I was just testing something out) >have it just for the laughs, nothing creepy or anything >feelsgoodman >store in jar >le me 30 min ago >family members comes over for mom's birthday >bust a quick one before they arrive >jar is full of this, has dense and dark colour from all the s--- Ive thrown in there >feel kinda proud >hide it well under bed >go downstairs >interaction.exe >15 min pass. realize I forgot phone in room >go quickly >open room >mom and cousin are there >mom is dusting shelves, cousing is brooming under bed >before i can react to what was happening hear clank sound >jar falls over and rolls towards her >"whats this anon" >cousin opens it >mfw she sniffs it >I can see her gag >instant boner >fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck >mumble something out abt a science project with condensed milk >condom inside is CLEARLY visible, change of light reflection makes it obvious aff >snatch jar from her hands >phone too on my way out >rush to bathroom >sitting on toilet what the f--- do I do? maybe I should just j------- again before its all over? is there any way I can survive this?

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Anon has a female friend | /r/Greentext


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anon pitches a rule63 script | /r/Greentext


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no shit anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: R05iEaAu 50 KB PNG 07/25/22 (Mon)17:27:36 No.15803819 Maybe oversharing my deranged thoughts with strangers on the internet all day isn't the best use of my time. 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: R05iEaAu 50 KB PNG 07/25/22 (Mon)17:27:36 No.15803819 Maybe oversharing my deranged thoughts with strangers on the internet all day isn't the best use of my time. 5 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon gives you a legitimate reason to go to the Gym | /r/Greentext

5462464262.jpg 24 KB JPG THERE IS A MAN IN A CAVE THAT IS TRAINING FOR THE DAY THAT HE HAS TO FIGHT YOU. HE HAS NO RUNNING WATER NO MEDICINE NO GYM AND NO GF. SOMEDAY YOU WILL FACE HIM IN THE FIELD OF BATTLE AND IF YOU DO NOT TRAIN FOR THAT DAY HE WILL DEFEAT YOU. WHILE YOU SHITPOST ON THE INTERNET AND MASTURBATE TO CHINESE CARTOONS AND CONSUME THRICE YOUR DAILY CALORIC REQUIREMENT, THE MAN IN THE CAVE CONTINUES TO PREPARE FOR THE INEVITABLE DAY OF BATTLE.
5462464262.jpg 24 KB JPG THERE IS A MAN IN A CAVE THAT IS TRAINING FOR THE DAY THAT HE HAS TO FIGHT YOU. HE HAS NO RUNNING WATER NO MEDICINE NO GYM AND NO GF. SOMEDAY YOU WILL FACE HIM IN THE FIELD OF BATTLE AND IF YOU DO NOT TRAIN FOR THAT DAY HE WILL DEFEAT YOU. WHILE YOU SHITPOST ON THE INTERNET AND MASTURBATE TO CHINESE CARTOONS AND CONSUME THRICE YOUR DAILY CALORIC REQUIREMENT, THE MAN IN THE CAVE CONTINUES TO PREPARE FOR THE INEVITABLE DAY OF BATTLE.

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Anon 'un-pronouns' a girl | /r/Greentext


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An apple a day | /r/Greentext


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Anon encounters a future man. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 149 KB PNG 07/28/22(Thu)18:17:13 No.882843590 >be me, years ago >2017 >in mall shopping for candles >hear a guy humming, sometimes singing a song that sounds catchy >searching everywhere for the song >pretty clearly heard some of the lyrics he was muttering to himself, still wasn't enough to find it >eventually forget about it and move on >2020 >hear that exact song while browsing the internet >"Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd >vividly remember, it was this exact song the man was singing >feelsgoodman >check release date >2019 Did I encounter a time traveler?
: Anonymous 149 KB PNG 07/28/22(Thu)18:17:13 No.882843590 >be me, years ago >2017 >in mall shopping for candles >hear a guy humming, sometimes singing a song that sounds catchy >searching everywhere for the song >pretty clearly heard some of the lyrics he was muttering to himself, still wasn't enough to find it >eventually forget about it and move on >2020 >hear that exact song while browsing the internet >"Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd >vividly remember, it was this exact song the man was singing >feelsgoodman >check release date >2019 Did I encounter a time traveler?

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anon reads the harry potter books | /r/Greentext

No.132072243 rereading the Harry Potter books made me realize Harry was pretty dumb tbf >there is a troll on the loose in the castle and Anonymous 07/28/22(Thu)09:54:18 Hermione is in the bathroom? better go there instead of telling McGonagall or Dumbledore or any teacher or prefect >takes part in the triwizard tournament because muh goblet's magical license agreement or some s--- despite him not putting his name in it so he could've said "nah Im not doing this s---. you wanna force me? will that goblet magically make my head explode if I dont participate?" >misses pajeeta p---- because he has a crush on a girl he talked to twice last year and because Ron is a jealous sperg >doesnt ask out the cute autistic outcast girl despite being an outcast in most of his life while growing up with the Dursleys, probably could've gotten along best with Luna out of all (2) of his girlfriends >dates his best friend's sister which is a major NO because if they break up with heat it endangers his friendship with Ron >does all the s--- in sixth year Dumbledore asks and never tells him "listen here old man, what's the actual deal?" >Slughorn is the only person who knows how many horcruxes Voldemort made - doesnt suggest Dumbledore they should put veritaserum in Slughorn's ginger ale and ask him what's the secret number is >grew up among muggles but never suggests they should take out Voldemort with a Dragunov sniper rifle
No.132072243 rereading the Harry Potter books made me realize Harry was pretty dumb tbf >there is a troll on the loose in the castle and Anonymous 07/28/22(Thu)09:54:18 Hermione is in the bathroom? better go there instead of telling McGonagall or Dumbledore or any teacher or prefect >takes part in the triwizard tournament because muh goblet's magical license agreement or some s--- despite him not putting his name in it so he could've said "nah Im not doing this s---. you wanna force me? will that goblet magically make my head explode if I dont participate?" >misses pajeeta p---- because he has a crush on a girl he talked to twice last year and because Ron is a jealous sperg >doesnt ask out the cute autistic outcast girl despite being an outcast in most of his life while growing up with the Dursleys, probably could've gotten along best with Luna out of all (2) of his girlfriends >dates his best friend's sister which is a major NO because if they break up with heat it endangers his friendship with Ron >does all the s--- in sixth year Dumbledore asks and never tells him "listen here old man, what's the actual deal?" >Slughorn is the only person who knows how many horcruxes Voldemort made - doesnt suggest Dumbledore they should put veritaserum in Slughorn's ginger ale and ask him what's the secret number is >grew up among muggles but never suggests they should take out Voldemort with a Dragunov sniper rifle

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Anon likes critikal | /r/Greentext

File: wojakcritikal.png (177 KB, 340x468) Wait, you guys hate moistcritikal? Anonymous 07/28/22(Thu) >why do you guys hate charlie?
File: wojakcritikal.png (177 KB, 340x468) Wait, you guys hate moistcritikal? Anonymous 07/28/22(Thu) >why do you guys hate charlie?

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